Decades of misery

Forums:

hello everybody, this is my first time here and I would really appreciate some advice. I will try to be brief with a problem that for me has spanned two decades!

My DH has two 'adult' children, both in their thirties, half brother and sister to our seven year old. During the twenty years I have been with my DH his two brats have made it their business to destroy our relationship and the SD in particular has employed some particularly nasty tactics. When our son was born I stupidly thought that finally I would be brought in from exile, and realised my stupidity when two years ago, the SS decided to physically assault our son (4 years old at the time). Rather than do what I should have done, contacted the authorities, I tried to deal with it myself and confronted the SS who immediately launched into a verbal attack on my parenting skills and made it clear our son 'deserved' what he got and needed a good beating. From that moment on I told him he could not continue a relationship with our son until he showed some remorse.

Two years on, the SS & SD have stepped up their campaign of hate. The SD has stolen from me, my son and her dad, insulted me, lied and abused my trust. The SS treats me as if I have no right to breath whilst, behind my back, tried to maintain a 'friendship' with our young son.

My DH is afraid of his 'children', and allows this to continue with no comeback. Indeed in the early stages after the physical assault took my son without my knowledge to meet with the SS.

Recently my son and I came across the SS, who gave me the look from hell and then proceeded to make conversation with my son. This for me was the last straw and I have told my DH that I want us to split, as he is unwilling to make a stand on my behalf. I became so depressed by what has happened over the many years we have been together that I actually contemplated 'disappearing', leaving my son with my DH so they could all get along happily without my hindrance.

Does anybody here have any advice? I don't want to take my son away from his daddy but nor do I want to endure this misery any longer. Any advice would be welcome.

Thank you ybarra, for the

Thank you ybarra, for the welcome and the advice. Boy do I need to hear that!

My head tells me that what you have said is right. Focus on protecting myself and my son. But...I have this terrible nagging guilt that if I do that I am depriving my son of his family. OMG that sounds pathetic after what they have done! I guess I am scared that if I keep my son away from these freaks he will one day resent me for it, and will also blame me for all the ills of the world and he too will put me in exile.

He remembers the physical assault, but doesnt understand the more insidious, nasty tactics of his half-sister. She will ply him with presents whilst rifling through my private things and helping herself to my money. I am on constant high-alert keeping her out of my house.

Bottom line - do I have the right to tell my DH that from now on all contact with his demented two must cease completely?

Thank you I clearly need to

Thank you

I clearly need to find my 'warrior within' and get on with being grown-up myself. It is so damned easy to lose perspective when those around me think I am totally in the wrong and have absolutely no rights.

Step Mother's Bill of Rights printed and posted on the wall!

Every last one of these

Every last one of these people are shameless, disgraceful, bullies. Your husband is an unbelievable coward that he allows these “adults” to even presume they have any right whatsoever to discipline your son, OR voice their ridiculous and uniformed opinions on your parenting skills. Neither of those actions are rights they have!!! You should have called the police and charged that man with assault.

Neither do they have any right to bypass you as the boy’s mother in their alleged efforts to be friends with your son. Neither does the stepdaughter have any right to give gifts to your son while being dismissive and contemptuous toward you. Her doing so is manipulative and deceitful behaviour that anyone with half a brain should be able to see through. Don’t let your husband think for even one second that it’s nice of her—because it isn’t. You are the gatekeeper of who your son interacts with, not adult stepchildren.

Give them the boot, and until their behaviour improves dramatically they are no longer allowed in your house. If your husband needs some proof of just how wrong he is, and how abusive his adult children are just show him some of these threads.

Don’t ever leave your son with these complete immoral creeps. You are the boy’s mother. Don’t let any of those people try to convince you that you have no rights. They are the ones who are in the wrong!

You and I are in the same

You and I are in the same boat. I have been a stepmom for 22 years......stepsons are 27 & 29, lived with us. I was always the problem, bio parents allowed way too much and expected me to do the same and because I did not I was accused of favoring my own, not loving his, picking, being angry, having mental issues, you name it.

Like your situation lots of lies, lots of false accusation towards me. I thought I was going to completely lose it at one point.....been in and out of counseling, short-term.

This past years was the doozy of them all. 27 year old made repeated attacks thru email to both his dad and I. Telling us both how awful we were, telling us what we should and should not say, on & on. My husband, when finally attacked himself, saw this whole thing in a different light. He told me not to open anymore emails from his son, that he would handle the situation and he did. Stepson says now that he wants nothing more to do with us.

I was beyond done, felt like I wasted 22 years of my life to these brats who had no respect for all the effort I poured into them and fought for what was best for them. So I went to counseling, this time with someone that could see me more than 3 times. I am finally putting closure on this. Counselor feels there was enver anything I could have done or said that woudl ahve been right in the boys' eyes. Not only did I not have the support of bio mom and bio dad but inlaws stuck their nose in where it should not have belonged eitehr so basically everyone involved belittleed my position BUT GUESS WHO WAS RAISING THESE KIDS? It sure wasn't bio mom! So I was in the role as the main parent to these children and had no support for my efforts, I became the "scapegoat." Thru the years I would tell my husband this was going on and he was so fearful to lose his kids if he spoke up. As it turned out, he nearly lost me many times over and now his sons do not have anything to do with him. Counselor felt that I became the target of stepsons' bio mom's abandonment of them. She told me to have nothing more to do with the boys and to totally back out of anything more involving them. If they want to try and resolve their issues with their father he needs to take care of everything and I need to stay out, and that is exactly what I have done.

Your husband and his ex are the big key eliments here. You have a right to protect your child and I do not blame you for not trusting these kids and I would do what it takes to protect yourself and your child.

Thank you Donna and Avr for

Thank you Donna and Avr for your invaluable replies. It grieves me Avr to learn that there are so many people out there who are enduring this same misery, and I am glad that you are finally putting closure to your situation. What is it with these bio parents that they allow so much disrespectful behaviour toward someone they claim to love? And someone doing their job for them too! I am glad your DH finally saw the truth even if it has cost him his relationship with his son.

I apologise for the lengthiness of what's to come, been a busy day

Having taken on board everything that has been said here, and taken a lot of time to read other people's experiences too, also consulting my 'inner warrior' (I knew she was there!) the result was that today things finally blew, and not before time. It is amazing how even just a little support helps you to find the courage you need.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when (as the book keeper of our businesses we run together) I discovered that my DH has been hiding / throwing away his / our bank statements. Because I am so busy accounts tend to get left to the end of the year and having gathered what paperwork I could find discovered that over 2000 days of financial information was missing for the past year alone. Last year he and I set up (physically and financially) a business for his daughter in the hope it would keep her on the straight and narrow. (previous substance abuse issues). We invested the equivalent of approx. $6000 and untold amount of time to help her. She then proceeded to rob the business blind (which is a seasonal business that closes in September for the year). By September we had debts as a result of her activities that far outweighed our original investment. She then got a winter job that paid the equivalent of $1000 a week and has refused to pay a penny of her debt back to us. DH has fobbed me off whenever the subject was brought up. The previous year she cost us approx. $14000 in DH's efforts to support her. At no time then or in previous years was I consulted or ever given choices about what was contributed to her.

I suspect that the bank statements are being withheld because he has continued to fund her, and his lazy son. He also has a gambling habit (which incidentally, had he resisted, could have paid off our mortgage by now, instead we are only paying the interest). It's going to take me a long time to recover this information, none of this work I'm paid for.

I blew my top, quoting point after point from the Bill of rights I had pasted to our wall earlier this week, asking him why he thought he had the right to keep secrets from somebody he claims to have loved for many years, questioning him about his actions. He had nothing of substance in reply. At no point has he even attempted to apologise for stealing my bank statements, he immediately played victim, head in hands, claiming he loved me and kept the statements hidden to 'not upset me' and then later denied taking them. He said that he took them out of the house because we hadnt been making enough money (hardly surprising seeing as SD is bleeding us dry!) and wanted to take charge of the finances to put things right, but this situation has risen it's ugly head year after year. I told him to pack his bags and leave, that I'm not taken in by his lies and deceit anymore and his behaviour was utterly disrespectful toward me and completely insulting, His reaction?

'Don't be so bloody stupid!'

Then I moved on to the behaviour of his adult children and his reluctance to deal with them in an appropriate manner. He said that he had told them on many an occasion to respect me, (not in my presence) that I was mother to their brother and as such deserved respect, but apparently they 'wouldnt budge'. Not surprising either, as they have nothing to lose by doing so.

A conversation with SD soon afterwards made it clear she had no intention of paying either of us back, and I then let her know she was to keep away from my son, telling her why. Her reply? 'F**k off you stupid f**king bitch'. She threatened to go to the authorities to complain and said she was glad I wasnt her mother and of course, I was a psychiatric case. Even DH then turned on me, saying in so many words I had no right to stop SD seeing her brother. I then had to remind him that I have every right to protect myself and my son from abuse as I couldnt rely on him to do that.

The long and short of it all is that he wont leave. He is twice my size so I can't physically force him out, and as the day wore on I just went about my own business. Stalemate. We are being civil, but little else.

I don't know Mustang, I am at

I don't know Mustang, I am at a loss. Second to giving up my home and going to knock on the authorities door for a hostel room it seems an impossible feat atm to make any lasting changes.

DH and I had a long talk about the situation today and he made all the right noises this time, but will it last? Will it ever!

SD33 & SS35 have demanded a meeting with papa to discuss me and my son, so they are clearly not switching on to the idea that I have rights. I did tell DH that to allow the meeting to take place would be incredibly disrespectful to me if I wasnt present, but we shall see. No doubt they will emotionally batter him into trying to persuade him into burning me at the stake and taking our son back into the poisonous lair, only to then turn him too against me, but as it stands, nothing short of sincere and genuine apologies will change the way things are now. That, it is clear, will never happen. Their hatred is deep-rooted and immovable.

All I can think of at the moment is to continue making the protection of myself and my son the focus by keeping us both well away from these vindictive, nasty, repellant animals

Yes this is what I what

Yes this is what I what do-file a protection order and then if he shows up at your home or what not call the police. I wouldnt even bother to consult dh-if he cannot or is not willing to protect you and your son then let the police do so.

Everything that is being said

Everything that is being said and done is certainly being written in my diary and I will be looking to protect us in any way possible. There is a part of me that is frightened that there will be physical reprisals but I am trying to keep strong and not become a prisoner in my own home.

I am planning on getting some legal advice this week stepdown. I only wish I had gone to the police when the SS attacked my son two years ago altho I do at least have the response from a national child protection organisation that I contacted at the time. The response very clearly puts SS in a weak position. I was a fool, and thinking about the feelings of other people, and bitterly regret not contacting the authorities then

My DH had some 'incidents' of verbal and physical abuse recently from another man, and reported this to the police, who were very dismissive despite physical injury and said nothing could be done unless this man really went to town to cause injury, which is worrying. However, I will find out what I can this week and just try to ensure that wherever we go there are other ppl there at all times.

You are in a real hard spot.

You are in a real hard spot. If this meeting goes on with steps and you are not included I worry that your husband may want to try and please his children and play dancing games to try and give them the support they need. One of my stepsons requested a lunch with his dad only to totally tear me down and try to put me in my place. I was a bit apprehensive but his son totally messed up. He told him all kinds of things that I supposedly said and did that husband knew was completely against my nature. Husband then told his son that he knew for a fact that I did not say or do the things his son had claimed.

My suggestion here is counseling with your husband and if maybe in time if the steps are willing and you are too, maybe they too can be included in group counseling. First of all, I think it is important that you and your husband reolve your issues together.

OMG your post frightens me.

OMG your post frightens me. My SS's are 20 and 25 Luckily husband and I never had kids together but they will be fine for awhile then if they're demands aren't meet its almost like I"m being attacked by terrorists. I sure hope this doesn't span decades.

Isn’t it just unbelievable

Isn’t it just unbelievable how morally reprehensible these adults are! Where in the world did these “kids” ever get the idea that they have the authority, position, or power to meet with your husband to gossip and malign you and even attempt to poison your relationship with your own son? Sadly it happens more often than it ever should. They have NO authority to do any of these things—none. When the father is weak and refuses to “see” that his children are driven by self-interest and are in truth in competition WITH him, not over him, they will continue to dominate him.

Once a weak father actually sees that his adult children’s actions are not love based, but rather are power based he will understand they will eat his sorry ass up for lunch--then and only then will he find the anger to protect himself from their cunning manipulations. To compound the issue, these “kids” are also socially sanctioned to snipe a stepmom because most people remain blithely unaware they still draw their stepmother imagery from those all-important documentaries: “Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Hansel and Gretel.” The myth is so omnipotent that once you marry a man with children you become a Stepmother only—that’s all you are now, a stepmother--even to your own children.

As StepAside says they form hate groups and the psychology of hate groups sums it up very accurately: Here is a model application of irrational haters at work with a stepmother. I have paraphrased from an article on the subject.

When a stepmother becomes the hate target for the adult stepchildren they immediately seek out others in the family who dislike, or can be persuaded to dislike her. Bring in sister, brother, MIL, SIL, BIL, DH--anyone who can be recruited will be recruited. The hate group establishes an identity using behaviours such as a lifted eyebrows, private conversations and visits with dad only, rhetorical phrases (we were here first, blood is thicker, etc.) to exclude the hated stepmother from activities, or any number of other actions meant to demean and isolate her in the family and even in her own home.

Once they have formed a group of haters (they are dishonest cowards at heart and could never do it alone) they distort events, and present false information to everyone thereby inciting more unjustified hatred toward stepmother. (See dad? It isn’t just us. Nobody likes her!) They attempt to ruin stepmother’s reputation through gossip, rumours and innuendo with the sole purpose of making the marriage intolerable to stepmom. They disparage everything about her, her parenting, her cooking, her gifts, her appearance, her home décor.

They instigate covert attacks on the stepmom all the while pretending they are only defending themselves against HER aggression. When confronted on their sneaky behaviour they will deny, deny, deny. “What!!” they will protest, “We really like her! We bent over backwards trying to make her feel welcome!” Total, unadulterated BS. But remember the last thing they want is to be identified as the irrational haters they actually are. Because that admission would require self-examination to find out that their real issue is not stepmom, but their own jealousy, rage and insecurities.

It is dads who are the most susceptible to manipulations from their offspring and because of that they pose the greatest threat to the survival of the marriage. If your DH refuses to see that his adult children are in pitched battle to destroy his marriage through whatever dishonest means they can--they will succeed. And they will do anything but actually admit to their own hateful feelings. The advice to dismantle their hate group is bang on! Your husband really needs to get it that these adults do not come in peace, and their opinions are flawed and destructive and they should get their crooked noses in their own lives.

Donna123.....what you wrote

Donna123.....what you wrote was extremely powerful and if this has not been posted in other sections of the group here, it should be. This is exactly what I have been dealing with for 22 years. Does this come from a book, you said you were paraphrasing?

Quote- [Here is a model application of irrational haters at work with a stepmother. I have paraphrased from an article on the subject.

Peri - Like all of the other

Peri - Like all of the other posters you and I have much in common. I have been a stepmother for 29 years now, have steps in their mid 30s and mine also act just like yours do and also seem to feel that they should have rights to my bios.

Although my H stands up to them to an extent this does not stop them. These so called adults feel that they have the right to tell me how to raise my children and how much "power" I should have in my relationships and with my husband.

As previuos posters so eloguently stated - these stepadults want all of the "power" so that they can orchestrate your and your family's every move. I know that it is hard to even imagine why these Steps put so much value in usurping our role as wife and mother in our own homes but for some sick reason the sense of power that they get in one-upping us seems to be what they live for! Why these adult "children" feel they should have carte blanche to interfere in our and our childrens lives in such a way but can not identify with the fact that they would be beyond horrified if anyone tried to do this to them is beyond me???

My steps also demanded a meeting about 2 to 2 1/2 years ago which is when I found this site. In my last and only marathon talk with SD 35 she informed me that she had elected not to meet because she did not want to be ganged up on becuase this meeting was supposed to include me and not be like all of the other times when it was just her , SS 36 and H. They would not have free reign at H and he would not just sit there and hang his head like in the past - no matter what crap they dished out. We did not meet. Adult steps then refused to talk to H with only the occaisional adult meltdown and temper tantrum -cussing fit over the phone for various imagined wrongs! The funny thing was that I was prepared to tell H that I was not going to attend any such meeting and they backed out first!

You and your husband have nothing to gain by engaging in such a meeting. Step adults should never meet to discuss either you or your child - your H needs to inform them that you and your son are off limits in ANY DISCUSSION and the steps have no RIGHTS to your child.

I know my H still can't get this thorugh his thick head either.

For instance, just tonight my H called SD's biokid to wish them a happy brithday and one of the bios (on cue) starts asking when my bios are going over to her house! Since this has not happened in the past I can only assume that SD 35 has mentioned this to her because SD 35 wants so very badly to get her hands on my bios - that to her would be "WINNING". I do not understand why SD 35 does not care any nore about her own spawn than to put them in the middle of this. My bios DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE! THEY HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO THERE! SD 35's spawn will only get their feelings hurt because despite my bio's best efforts not to do so their excuses will become evident that they DO NOT WANT TO GO BECAUSE THEY DO NOT LIKE SD 35 and her Mother - the BM 61 and they are WAY older than SD35's spawn and HAVE MORE INTERESTING FUN THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR FRIENDS!

I have come to the conclusion though - that nothing will stop SD 35 and SS 36 - the need to "win" and show me who is "boss" is too great a calling!!!!!

I fear that this is the same path that your adult steps will take also. The main difference though is the fact that I can forbid steps from coming to my house because it is only my house. I am sure my H would have gotten uglier if that had not been the case.

I am also concerned for you about how successful you can be without honest support from your H. I know he is agreeable now but you have uncovered quite a financial mess that he has gotten you into which may be one reason for his change of heart.

Never forget though that he has snuck around and been deceitful with you about your financial situation and with your child as he has arranged "visitation" with your bio behaind your back. I would have a very tough time ever trusting someone who did these things to me again.

Perhaps you will beter know what path you should take with your relationship itself after meeting with your attorney and completing your forensic accounting of your and his fiancial information (that he hid from you). I do not really understand why he thought that you would never find out about the statements? Doesn't he ever help with your or his own taxes to know that you would eventually find out????? His efforts to hide these seem more desperate(gambling maybe) than thought out.

In the meantine stay strong and do not let your H get his hands on your bio so that he can sneak off with him to meet that previously drug addicted adult SD! Why any father would think that someone struggling with sobriety should be around his minor impressionable child is unbelevable! I am angry for you!

Aslo, move your money and even any prior joint money held into a new account that he has no access to and send the statements to a newly opened P.O. Box. No matter what line he comes up with DO NOT FUND ANYTHING for either UNGRATEFUL STEP ADULT and when you visit your attorney discuss ways to get your money from that hateful adult SD - see if you can put a lein on a home or the business. Good luck and keep us posted!

Well some time has passed

Well some time has passed since I last posted, and thank you to those of you who have posted since my last comments. I have been unwell since then and been struggling to cope with an illness which just won't shift, but was beginning to think that my decision to refuse SD any rights to see my son was bringing some long sought-after peace...

How foolish am I...???

The grubby meeting SD & SS planned with DH did not take place, or at least not to my knowledge. I made it clear that my son and I were not up for discussion and that if either skids wished to make some positive changes to the situation they were always welcome to discuss things with me directly. Of course that was never their intention, and I should have realised that their next step would be a disgustingly calculated act of pure vitriolic selfishness.

A couple days ago DH and I received a letter from the county child protection unit, informing us that 'a recent enquiry regarding our son' had been made, but after gathering information the child protection unit had decided that we did not fit the criteria needed to further the investigation'.

In other words, after a little investigation myself, I discovered that an 'anonymous' caller had made allegations of child abuse toward us but the authorities have decided there are no grounds to these allegations. Having been told by SD that she would be complaining to the authorities it doesn't take a genius to work out who that anonymous caller is. What the exact nature of those allegations are I still do not know as I have to follow a rigid procedure to procure that information. I will indeed be procuring that information, the authorities have told me that I have every right to know what has been alleged and next week that will be my focus. DH is in a state of total disbelief, trying very hard to convince himself and me that it must be a neighbour although he is at a loss as to what grounds a neighbour would have to make such an allegation.

In the circumstances allegations of child abuse aimed at us is staggeringly unbelievable, and my therapist (yes I am yet another step-parent who has been driven to therapy by the actions of skids and non-action of DH) has made it very clear that she absolutely supports me and will do everything in her power to protect myself and my son.

But, my fury hides within and I am holding it inside with every ounce of will power I can muster. I am blind with anger at the injustice of this mainly because this evil action is now official and my family will forever have this on our records. We know the allegations are unfounded but nothing can undo the fact that allegations have been made.

I will never, never again allow these malicious ppl into our lives, I will fight tooth and nail to keep them a thousand miles from our son and woe betide them if they ever try anything like this again. Next week I will find out what allegations have been made and then will be going to the police to seek advice on keeping these bastards away from our family, and that is just for starters. I will also be invoicing SD for the full amount of her 'debt', with 7 days to repay, followed promptly by a claim made through the small claims court.

It is a shame I can't scream in a forum because that is exactly what I would do now if I could :(((

I SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO symapathize

I SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO symapathize with you! Glad you are taking steps to protect yourself!

i have to wait for at least

i have to wait for at least two months to find out what was 'alleged', and was told by a policeman that whoever had called the child protection unit had every right to...!!! The policeman as good as accused my therapist of lieing when she said the 'enquiry' had not been initiated from her.

He then said that I shouldnt build walls and should think of my son and his relationship to these 'blood' relations first...i.e I should give in and allow these adult bullies access to my son.

I am in despair...can somebody help me? I feel so alone and isolated.

You are that boy’s mother and

You are that boy’s mother and no one has the right to bully you into believing you have to let anyone including his 30 something half siblings see him without your permission. You are more blood relationship to your son than any of those other people are. Moreover, YOU are the gatekeeper to your seven-year old child. SS abused your son for crying out loud! And those adults are no blood relationship to you at all. They are strangers to you (as is the cop) and hostile ones too.

I am so sorry this is happening to you! What a nightmare. If it was SD she is so morally decrepit and cognitively impaired that she has no ability to predict the long-term consequences of her actions. You hold your head high and don’t keep it to yourself either. Talk to a support group because you have been assaulted. All this kind of abuse thrives in isolation, secrecy and anonymity and it is a hot house for breeding paranoia. I do not believe complaints made in this way should have any right to anonymity. If anyone feels strongly enough to lodge such a complaint they should also feel strongly enough to identify themselves. Cowards!!!!

Above all else, and even though it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do, keep your cool. Resist the natural urge to second-guess yourself. Find out who the perpetrator/s are then publicly denounce them. The drive to find out who has done this to you will give you the strength to move forward.

AGREE with Donna 123! Do not

AGREE with Donna 123! Do not let that one policeman's point of view sway you off course! Who knows or cares what his prejudice is. I am in a similar situation with my adult skids and my bios and as I told SD 35 she and her brother have no rights to my bios. End of Story. Stay strong!

How easy it is to lose my

How easy it is to lose my footing. I guess I've spent so many years dumbing down the bad behaviour, to keep the peace, it's hard to get out of the habit. When you are told in so many subtle, and unsubtle ways, that you are wrong...you start believing it and assuming 'they' are right.

"All this kind of abuse thrives in isolation, secrecy and anonymity and it is a hot house for breeding paranoia." (donna123)

You hit the nail on the head there donna, and tomorrow I'm taking your advice and contacting a support group. Thank you.

Sometimes I wonder if 'love' is worth all this crap, and then I realise I'm fighting for survival, not love. I would never have guessed when my son was born that things would have become quite this rough, and Jenw I think you are right, it wont change

However...thank you all once again. I need to hear what you have to say so badly, I need to know I am not alone, and I am so grateful to you.

xxx

Hmmm....going thru hell here.

Hmmm....going thru hell here. Well and truly under the microscope and having to get some legal advice now. A meeting of big cheeses have invited my partner and I to meet with them to discuss something to do with our son...they wont tell us what that thing is but it is to do with the anonymous caller, who I suspect is dear SD.

I feel like a criminal that has been charged, but just not told what with...

My own alcoholic,

My own alcoholic, bipolar-diagnosed mother called the Department of Children and Families on me because I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I wanted to prosecute her for making false claims, and was told that "DCF needs to protect its ability to act on anonymous calls" therefore I can't sue her. The only thing that can happen is, if she continues to harass DCF with calls, then *they* can sue *her* for harassment. But it is up to DCF's discretion to do this, which could take either 2 calls or 1,000 calls before they act on it. Same deal with my XH, who called on me because he hit my oldest son so I had the sherriff's department serve him with change of custody papers to protect the kids. He received the papers on Monday, and that same Friday I got a call that I was being investigated. A very helpful supervisor read the complaints (mostly that my kids weren't clean), and even she said, "This is bogus; these kids are teenagers. What are you supposed to do, watch them bathe? THAT would be inappropriate!" I then explained that I had just served my XH with change of custody paperwork because he was hitting the children. I instantly gained her sympathy and she told me to call them anytime I had that situation happen again.

Always cooperate with the authorities. They see vindictive people using their services all the time, and are very good at sniffing out phoneys. In fact, be proactive; I called the supervisor when the social worker assigned to my case didn't return my call the same day to get this resolved. I showed them that I was willing to work with them to clear up the misunderstandings and quickly close a case on their books for them.

Thank you rockermom, good

Thank you rockermom, good advice, and I'm sorry to hear you've been through the same hell more than once. Thankfully it was as you said and they soon realised that this was exactly the viscious act of spite I suspected it was.

Of course it was a character assassination.

However, they wanted quick mediation. Having just found out that these two adult demons were capable of doing this? I don't think so. If anything this has confirmed to me that my instincts to keep my kid away from them were right there! These people are clearly dangerous if they can do a thing like this to their own sibling.

DH is still refusing to believe his dear golden ones are behind this, despite being told by teacher and family worker to step up and challenge these 'children'. It was plain as day to me and everybody else. Ive told him our relationship is on hold. If he steps up and if we get the help we need, we've a chance...feels slim right now.

Things are continuing on the

Things are continuing on the road to hell. SD has now threatened me with physical violence and the police have been called. She has been told to stay away.

I wish that were enough...now, by accident, I have discovered that SD plans to take out a loan to pay us back, but also plans to use my partner as guarantor!!!

What can I do? How on earth am I ever going to stop this girl trying to ruin us? The interest is almost the same as the loan and I can't understand why she doesnt just pay us something every month instead of putting our HOUSE on the line behind my back!!!

If you and your partner share

If you and your partner share finances, go to a lawyer and file for separation. This way your partner will be legally responsible for Your part of the interest AND the loan. It is more than obvious that your partner is enabling SD at your emotional and financial expense. Do you really need to be in this relationship?

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