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I just want him to move out.

Creature report's picture
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My SS17 is a convicted juvenile delinquent who is currently sporting a FASHIONABLE ankle monitor for breaking probation (yet again). He has been on probation since 13 but we just got custody of him a year ago. BM (who can do no wrong btw....she hung the moon apparently) is a meth head. She repeatedly facilitated SS breaking probation (bought alcohol,vape,unsupervised while in her care, PURCHASED FAKE PEE FOR A URINE TEST, gave him a phone when the court said he wasn’t allowed)...really the list is extensive. She is currently awaiting trial for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, contempt of court. My problem.....I’m tired of fighting. I’ve been in this kids life since he was 2....I’m the enemy for enforcing probation, homework, etc.... I’m the only actual parent. DH is a non player except for grades sometimes. I just want him to move on...move out. Go live with your meth head mom and smoke allllll the weed you want, kid. I don’t want him anywhere near my bio kids. He is a money pit THOUSANDS for legal fees. 

 

I just cant do this anymore. I just want to parent my own kids who weren’t taught it was a good thing to lie. I tried for over a damn decade to get close to this kid. I will always be the enemy thanks to BM (BOWEL movement of a mother). Anyway.......I’m venting because I don’t have therapy today (yes I go to therapy over this). If you read this, thanks. Solidarity maybe? It sucks trying to coparent with a meth addict.  

diver111's picture

Sorry you are dealing with this - its sounds horrible. Maybe it's your DH who needs to move out with him! 

LittleCloud9's picture

This is horrendous!! I'm so sorry. My heart really goes out to you, I wish there was something more I could do other than just say please continue to come vent on here whenever you need. Glad you have a therapist. It's understandable that you just want this done and gone. I can't imagine how hard that must be. I sincerely wish you peace.
sending hugs and positive vibes. Keep taking care of yourself 

ndc's picture

Why haven't you asked your DH to move out with his kid?  Why should YOU bear all the burden for a kid you did not birth?

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

If deliquent SD ever has to come back here for any reason. I still stand my ground that SO and her have to live elsewhere.

There is no way I could go through her crap again, deal with a problem I didn't create or have her around DS.

Sometimes it's just not worth it. If there isn't another relative willing to take SS you may want to consider getting your own place or having DH move out until SS launches.

simifan's picture

Have you and DH made an exit plan? Given that he's on probation, can he leave at 18? Your DH sounds very non-committal. I would suggest counseling for you and DH so that an exit plan is set for this delinquent when he reaches adulthood. 

hereiam's picture

I wouldn't have let the juvenile delinquent move in, especially since your husband is a non-player.

Out at 18, for sure.

ESMOD's picture

You have a massive DH problem.  The kid?  he was raised it seems horribly.. there is no surprise this is how he has turned out.  and your DH.. he has done nothing really to help or save his child from this outcome.  Honestly, how can you respect your huband for turning his back on his child all these years... never mind now that it seems he is just "forced" to house him.. but still is refusing to parent him?

I would ultimatum my DH.. he and his son can move out for the duration.. he can parent him.. care for him etc.. he no longer gets to be a "non-player".. oh and he will also contribute to your household for his children there too... and perhaps if things work out he can move back once his son is launched.  I would have zero patience for this S Show.

justmakingthebest's picture

Of course you want to move out!! Who wouldn't!! 

I am so sorry you are going through this. Is there any chance at a behavioral camp or something you can send him to?

CLove's picture

Cannot and will not EVER live with her again, ever ever ever. And shes being civil to me right now.

Hopefully you can have a BIG heart to heart with your husband about his sspawn. Lay it down and hard line it. Then prepare for getting them a new place separate from you. Guilty parenting and non-parenting - see where that got you and him.

I feel for the kid, but at 18 he really does and should know better. If he was 12-15 I would hesitate at giving him any real responsibility for his wrong doings, but at 18, the gloves must come off.

Rags's picture

A change of residence for him is no doubt imminent. Once he goes to his drab new concrete room with bars he will no longer be a problem  or presence in  your life.

It can't happen soon enough IMHO.

Have your attorney inform the probation office that he is no longer allowed to reside in your home and let them figure out where to house him.

Good luck with all of this.