SD w/ disabilities....learned helplessness?
My SD25 has multiple disabilities, but the thing that keeps her living with her parents is her autism. She is afraid of people, has few social skills and poor manners. The sad/funny thing is, she's never been diagnosed or treated for her autism. Her mom "homeschooled" her. Which really meant, "You sit and watch tv while I run a family daycare". She had the academic ability of a 3rd grader. Her interests are severely limited. She refuses to attend any parties or gatherings or anywhere she would have to interact with people (unless it involves a trip she wants to go on). She takes her father for granted (asks DH for trips to Europe, day trips, expects extra money for this and that). She'll ask DH to drive hours out of his way on a work day to run an errand for her. She got her first job one hour a day 15 minutes from her house. Her mom was sick, so she asked DH to bring her. Why doesn't BM set up a caretaker for her???!!! I would help BM get funding/set it up if she would let me, but she won't.
SD is so unpleasant. I just want to clean her up and give her hair a conditioning treatment and 2 inch thick eyebrows a wax. People/children mistake her for a man in part because of her grooming/dress, and I don't think that's the look she's going for. I'd like to be able to accept her for who she is, but that is easier said than done. What's worse, DH babies her to no end. She is with us EOW for 56 hours!!! and every Wed. It used to be more like 80 hours, so I guess I should be thankful. When she is here, we eat only foods she likes (limited), he makes her bed, cleans up after her dog, waits on her hand and foot...even starts her bath. Come on! She can figure it out. She has never made a meal for herself. She has never had a friend...or an opportunity to meet a friend. She is kept isolated and that is how she likes it. DH would like it if I rode in the backseat with her stinky dog half the time, but that is one line I have drawn.
On the other hand, she doesn't lie, cheat, steal, nag, swear, get pregnant, or break things...so I guess it could be worse. She's caused a lot of friction in our 13 year relationship, we even split up for six months 5 years ago...but we've made it this long, and I have an exit strategy if it came to it.