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The Repercussions from OSD's need for Revenge

Disillusioned's picture

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted, a lot has happened in the last year

Biggest thing is my FIL passed away a few months ago

For his will, he wrote a five-page letter. And in that letter he wrote how much he and my late MIL and had loved me, and that I was a very big part of their family Smile

I was so thrilled that he was so kind and loving to me, even after he was gone! I will always be grateful for knowing this man and all I learned from him in life. Sadly I also suspected there were be repercussions from SIL and OSD, they’re jealous and competitive on a good day and it would not only annoy them to no end that FIL made a point of including me, but he did not include anyone else that was not blood; neither SD’s husbands, nor BM either

And I’m sure the other sore point was the little bit of money that FIL left. While not massive, there was a nice little sum of money for both DH (and I) SIL, and smaller amounts for SD’s and SGK’s. I’m sure in addition to there being resentment that FIL included me in his letter but no mention of BM, that SD’s especially OSD felt that BM should have been the one to benefit from the money along with DH, not I

So a couple months later, at the first family get together without him, OSD behaved in exactly the jealous, competitive, revengeful way I’ve come to expect of her. Beginning with the moment DH & I walked through the front door, and her walking up to us and saying “Hi Dad” and after a long uncomfortable silence, enough to make her point I guess she eventually did acknowledge that I was there too but the real game she played was to go on and on and on (especially if DH left the room for any reason) about all the fun things BM and SIL do/have done together, all the great memories, their vacation together many years ago, how they just “two peas in a pod”

And SIL joined right in making sure to drive home how much she just love love loves BM (all the while we know she goes out of her way to treat me like utter garbage, a non-entity) she is slightly better since FIL passed, but of course can’t resist the temptation to stick it to me either

I was a little confused at first that day at why they were going on so much about the “great” relationship between BM and SIL, but then it quickly dawned on me

OSD was pissed I suspect because of my mention in her grandfather’s will and not her mother/BM instead, pissed I’m sure also that her mother didn’t benefit from DH’s inheritance from FIL but I did, so her way of ‘knocking me down a peg or two’ would be to make a mission to point out in her game-playing ways that while her Grandfather may have loved me a whole lot he was not here anymore but her Aunt (SIL) is, and SIL totally prefers BM over me (yes they’re all peas in a pod that’s for sure – jealous, competitive and resentful)

I should feel bad that they constantly feel a need to ‘diminish’ me but then again, I do remind myself it’s not anything I have done wrong, it’s not that I don’t measure up, it’s the fact that I totally measure up I believe that puts them over the top.

DH’s love for me, and FIL & MIL’s huge affection somehow makes SIL and OSD feel inferior – like they’re the ones that don’t measure up

And they’re way of dealing with that is to try to play me down, rather than simply grow up and try to be the best they THEY can be

Suemm44's picture

What I've learned about my sd is she is so insecure . And she did and will do the same stuff you are writing. It's a shame they try to miniumize us. It's their ultimate goals . It does hurt. 

But, you are right you do measure up. Your dh and my dh love us and we have something very special that they are jealous of. And I'm really happy to hear your story about your fil. I'm sorry he has passed. But, I'm so happy he loved you. 

'It's amazing how ppl will hate you because someone loves you. How sick is that !?  My sd and SS hate me because dh loves me. And one day I'm going to have the pleasure in telling them how they much they dishonor dh. But, for now I'm going to keep on setting up more and more boundaries for his spawn . I don't have to let them in my fortress 

Disillusioned's picture

Good for you! I think it would do so many of us SM's good when treated like less than human by our Skids or inlaws to remember where it stems from, feel proud of who we are, and not let their problem become ours

SacrificialLamb's picture

Welcome back, Disillusioned! You have been missed.

I don't have anything to say other than sorry about the passing of your FIL, who was wise enough to value you despite others in the family not being happy about your presence. I have SD's and an SIL who behave the same way that you have described. They band together trying to think of ways to get at me/punish DH for not doing what they want. I can't figure out why they don't grow up and be the best they can be either, but this is how BM raised them, and it's why BM and SIL to this day are best buds....their love of gossip and putting others down to raise themselves.

Nothing like a little family money to get people all riled up. DH and I have that coming too.  I am sure the SD's have heard from SIL what is at stake (they are chomping at the bit waiting for this relative to die) and given that BM is financially strapped and her longevity in the family think she should somehow benefit. 

Anyway, don't stay away so long this time!

Disillusioned's picture

Aaaw thanks Sacrificial! 

And yes your story is so similar to mine, it could be mine! I know you totally get it because you're experiencing the same thing

Nice chatting with you again Smile

sandye21's picture

Good to see your post.  You have them pegged, Disillusioned.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Hi, Disillusioned! It's nice to get an update from you.

I'm so sorry to hear of your FIL's passing. From your description he seemed like a sweet man, and it's so nice that he mentioned you in his will.

What do you think will happen now that he's gone? He was the family patriarch, and a lot of toxic shenanigans were kept low key out of respect for him. In my experience, when the "family glue" passes, relational aggression increases. Do you think your DH's female relatives will expect him to step up and assume a leadership role in the family?

Disillusioned's picture

It's funny you say that Exjulie...DH & I were pondering this, but I don't think OSD or SIL will ever give DH anything but disrespect, and push him as far as they can :( 

SIL does seem to be somewhat more civil and intouch with DH, and is slightly better with me

OSD has cranked up her games...

Booboobear's picture

Such kind words from your FIL, so wonderful to hear! And prayers for you and your DH for peace and comfort during this time. I'm so happy to see you back!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Glad you were acknowledged by your FIL.

 Nothing like a little family money to bring out the greed in some people.  Honestly, they seem to hoover around like vultures at the smell of someone, with money's passing.....at least that is the case with my Twit.

Your OSD seems to forget the the inheritance was left to your husband and thus you benefit by it....that seems to rile her.

You did well.  I know this is easy to say, but ignore the hags and enjoy your life.

My Twit likes to go looking for needy elderly people with the hope that they will leave things to her.  When that doesn't happen she belches about how they took advantage of her and she did sooo much for them.....they  owed her.

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks shes driviing....and it sounds like things are pretty much the same with your Twit too Sad must be soooo frustrating!!