Minimum expectations
Forums:
It seems that if adult children SKs can manage to get through airport security, then they should be able to hold their tongues and be polite to their SM. And maybe not expect their father to treat his wife in a way they would never tolerate anyone treating their partners. Just sayin'.
Um it has to do with the
Um it has to do with the ability to be polite, even when you might not want to be polite.
I wouldn't send a second
I wouldn't send a second grader through airport security alone but even a 7yo can be polite if they are taught to be. If there are acceptable standards set with associated, CONSISTENT consequences if they aren't observed.
My SS21 was a total little jackaSS to me in his teenage years. He never did chores, screamed and swore, and just made things all-around difficult to live with but what the heck was I going to do after 15 years of entitled free-for-all supported by both Bios. He had never been taught any manners and there were no consequences for being a little jerk. And, since Disney Daddy didn't enforce any rules ESPECIALLY around being polite.
Fast forward to the last year or so when SS learned that because I make the majority of the household income and now that he's an adult the consequences of his not being nice to me are lack of funds, no birthday gits, and skimpy holidays and those ARE my consequences to control. He's turned into a perfect gentleman in my presence. Funny (but also rather pathetic) how that works.
YUP YUP YUP. Like many others
YUP YUP YUP. Like many others on this site, I raised 2 bios who are respectful adults and would never dream of acting like my adult stepchildren. You were fortunate that you are able to effect some changes in your SS.
My DH's daughters were
My DH's daughters were horrible to me when they were minors. Their treatment of me was choreographed by their mother and her drunk husband. I cut those girls a lot of slack because of that and wish I hadn't. It got so bad I completely stopped participating in their life about 8 years ago and that was quite freeing for me. It hit me one day that it appeared I cared more about those girls well being than their bio parents. BM was busy trying to suck DH's last nickle out of him and DH was to busy fighting her off. However, DH really stepped up to the plate when I stopped participating. I think he still resents my action a little. Oh well!!!
Both girls are adults now. The oldest has 1 year left in college and the youngest starts college this fall. I get along with the oldest and haven't seen or talked to the younger one in about 3 years or so. They have not received a birthday, christmas or milestone card or gift from me for 8 years. I used to feel love towards them. Now I feel indifferent and I'm okay with that. They really have no meaning in my life and I have no meaning in theirs. **shrugs shoulders**
His daughters have no problem showing respect and decency towards others and even complete strangers. It's just me that gets the "special treatment."
Get to the place where you simply don't care how they are and you will find peace. I know I did!!
Gotta pile on to this
Gotta pile on to this one...
I finally came to terms that my efforts were hopeless and that things were never going to change. My husband did care (enough?) about how uncomfortable his son made me or his disrespect for our property, household or any fundamental guidelines (i.e. if you're coming in later than curfew... hahahaha... I can't believe I said that... there never was a curfew) so I was going to take care of me.
If you aren't willing to change the inputs (I wasn't willing to divorce or to discipline a hopeless, spoiled, teenage cause) you can still change your reaction to them (though it's not easy).
You'll be surprised how things change when you quit giving a $hit.
Thank you! It has been a
Thank you!
It has been a long journey to the place where I don't care how they are.
I do care how DH is,though, regarding how he treats me. Until recently that treatment was very much dictated by his kids.
Hopefully we are on a new road together.
They should and your husband
They should and your husband should be ashamed of himself to allow anyone to disrespect you, especially his own kids.
No tolerance or ass kissing here. If my own bio's treated my dh like junk THEY would be in hot water with me.
JMO of course
If you are living with a
If you are living with a doormat daddee who is scared of his own kids, then to save your sanity, you need to stay away from them. When they act out like this, the goal is to destroy you and your marriage.
You cannot count on daddee to be a father nor a husband when he is a doormat....
It is hopeless, your only chance for personal peace is to stay away from the family dysfunction.
Whatever your minimum
Whatever your minimum expectations for blended family life may be.... lower them so you won't be disappointed.
You can have minimum
You can have minimum expectations for you own children but for someone else's, your husbands grown *mature* children...HA! Your best bet is to expect that they will be @$$holes and deal accordingly.
Precious Princess is not an
Precious Princess is not an adult and she has no concept of being polite, I pity that girl...
She will never hold a job down, cause her whole life she could do what she wanted and no parent ever told her NO....
Since TSA represents an
Since TSA represents an authority that can apply consequences .... they very well may be an entity that many SParents could stand to emulate with their adult Skids. And the young-ins too.
Apply consequences for Skid crap. Tolerate no deviation from reasonable behavior.