Made DH aware that I'm officially disengaging from YSD
YSD has never been good at her passive-aggresive behaviour towards me
Right after she does something crappy, like the video call she had last month with DH & I so we could see SGD opening our gifts and card (everthing bought, paid for, and wrapped by me) and completely ignored me as well as groomed SGD to do the same, she then turns around and tries to 'fix' it
And when I say fix it I mean, fix it not to look like she has an issue with me (not fix her behaviour and sincerely be kind)
So in that case right after the call ended and I was furious and let DH know, then SD calls my phone (I had missed the call and texted her back simply asking if everything was okay) and she says how she had put SGD in one of the dresses I had bought for her and wanted me to see
When SD didn't get much of a reaction out of me, simply oh that would have been nice, then she brings that up again on a call with DH how she had SGD in one of my dresses but that SGD doesn't really like them...so couldn't even pull off the nice act without another dig
And then it's like she thought about that, again didn't want to look bad, so starts texting me asking me to relay messages to DH
DH & I were both wondering why she just didn't text him directly since she talks with him and messages him a whole lot more than me, but then I realized it was again because she needed DH to think 'see, no issue from SD with Disilliusioned, she's texting her now instead of me'
I think YSD really thinks that if she does something crappy, and then acts all nice to me after, that it will appear not only does she not have any issues with me, but in fact I'm the bad one who is ticked off or complaining about her so it looks instead like I'm the one with the problem
She even went to the trouble this year to call me on Mother's Day, and send a bouquet of roses...I'm sure thinking DH would for sure think she's just wonderful and how dare I say differently
The good news is, even DH sees some of this and for all the fixing she tries, does not erase a very long history of this confusing behaviour which I am finally no longer confused about, but recognize for the passive-aggresive treatment that it is
And DH while not happy about my disengagement from her, is accepting it
I make a point not to bad-mouth SD's, so when I speak up and say something as I did after that call, DH knows I am truly offended and he also knows I've done nothing but the sincerest nicest things for SD's over the years so do not deserve that treatment
He still kisses her butt at every false good intention she displays towards me, but he knows I will no longer do so
And the other good news is as long as there is no open confrontation or disrespect from her, then we can be polite and civil and pleasant to each other
When she called me on Mother's Day I thanked her, wished her happy Mother's Day as well, we had an upbeat conversation.
I let her know the flowers were not necessary, but that they were beautiful and that I appreciated the gift
Going forward, SD will discover I'm still polite, positive and pleasant towards her however nothing extra. No emotional lovely dovey stuff, treating her just like an adored SD any longer.
I do polite decent human being but I don't do phoney baloney butt-kissing pretense
Nor do I put up with back-stabbing games and mistreatment
Clearly SD has never really gotten that about me, but she sure will now!