So, it has been quite a while, but I have maintained being disengaged. It isn't easy sometimes. I'm a good-hearted person. My step-grandson just graduated. I did not attend. My husband went alone. In all the years he has been alive, we were NEVER invited ONCE for even a cup of coffee. I have been told I am evil, awful and anything you can imagine.
Every year, I would put on huge holiday spreads and everyone came. Not once did my older SD even send my son a card....we went out of the way to send thoughtful gifts on birthdays and at Christmas. One summer, I invited SD to come to our house at the ocean. She came, with all her kids, and pretended I did not exist. She then sent thank you notes, from herself and each kid---to my husband--thanking him for inviting them to HIS sea house. I was never mentioned.
So, DH went to the graduation alone. I feel badly for the grandson, however, I am quite sure he has heard how "evil" I am. My DH is afraid to even discuss this with his daughter for fear she will not speak to him. So, I just let it go.
His ex-wife is very mentally disturbed and, from a very young age, posioned her kids toward me. I wish it coudl be better. But, I lost hope a long time ago. I made the decision to be done and I've stayed away---totally.
I love not having to deal with the ex's jealous venom. I love not having to deal with the Sks mean remarks or passive-aggresive behavior. But, once you disengage, remember there will be difficult days, especially if you are a loving, kind person and you just want the family to be happy. In the end, the peace is worth it!