Dh's eldest daughter, SSIL and SGS were here for lunch on the weekend

Although DH's daughter did not bother to greet me when she arrived as usual, she did surprise me by making even more of an effort than she has been lately to actually have a conversation with me. Like actually look me in the eye and talk directly to me, not to me through DH or talk in the air in my general vicinity LOL, but directly to me

And she was was pleasant

AND after lunch she shocked me by getting up out of her seat and actually helping to clear the dishes

Clearly making an effort but once again, I don't get it and I'm not sure how to react

In the past we have done 'the cycle'....first two years or so DH and I were together his daughter just loved me to pieces, then she decided she despised me and four years of a total nightmare followed with her open hostility, disrespect and literally tearing DH's family apart in trying to destroy the relationship between DH & I

Then she seemed to 'get over it' and behaved a lot more civilly to me. I jumped right on board, thrilled to pieces, only to have her turn on me again another four years later

It has been 4 or 5 years of this horrible hostility from her, and wouldn't you know it, this last year she seems to be repeatedly back on the "up" cycle, where she appears to be making an effort

The sad thing is, I no longer trust her. I have worked hard to forgive her for all the hurtful terrible things she has done and try to understand that she is that way out of what must be a miserable life when it comes to her father, but I no longer am interested in being sucked in again to her cycles

I did notice on the weekend that no matter how much SGS obviously wanted to be around me, and it was Grandma Disillusioned this and Grandma Disillusioned that, following me around, insisted he was sitting with me at lunch LOL (which I think actually DH a little bit) and then hopped up on my knee and sat on my lap afterwards anyway etc...DH's daughter did not comment, acted like none of it was even happening. Yet the moment there was any interaction between DH and SGS she was laughing like a school girl and making a fuss about it like it was the greatest thing ever. This adds to my distrust and reinforces that all her 'friendliness' to me is an act, but she does not truly like me, is still jealous and competitive, still refuses to truly acknowledge anything good about me

And that is all fine, you like who you like. She is being more respectful, if not totally or all the time, and that is more than I had thought so I'm grateful for that

I have been responsive to her 'good behavior' by always being polite and friendly in return, if she is chatty with me I will of course chat back. I make a point to thank her for anything nice she does, like helping to clear the dishes from the table after lunch on the weekend, but I have no desire to have more of a relationship with her

And perhaps she is the same, maybe even she sees how pointless it is to be hostile, rude and back-stabbing all the time. But I wonder how long her 'nice stage' will last when she sees I'm not getting sucked in again, and then wonder what kind of consequences for my lack of co-operation

What complicates it is I have a better relationship with YSD, and I wonder if sometimes this is what may even drive DH's eldest daughter to some extent. And may also anger her when she sees despite her "efforts" I'm not being swayed to doing/being more for her than I am

Anyway, after DH's daughter left on the weekend DH comments about how great it all went, how great his daughter was behaving, DH expects me to rave about it all too. I get so tired of it all. I said yes she was better, she actually was talking to me and actually helped clear the dishes but no she didn't say hello when she arrived and no she acted like she didn't even notice all the interaction between SGS and I and how much obviously the kid wants to be around me, but the moment DH and SGS have one exchange she makes a huge fuss....DH admitted yes this was true he knows it.

I wasn't trying to be mean to him, just being honest since he brought it up. Also don't want to raise his expectations that I will jump right back on board with her. Been burned too many times and while I'll welcome any and all respect and kindness from her, I will not go chasing after a relationship with someone who has made it clear in the past she doesn't want that and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me to prove it