"Feeling of showing envy of someone or their achievments or advantages" thats what it is in some sense. The advantage they have where DH can turn a blind eye to their behavior. I am pretty sure if I was outright rude, diminished, or ignored the entitled SK's DH would not give me a pass. We always have to strive to be the better person because we are the adults. Wait a minute, so are they...again back to the advantage of being the royal spawn.

Jealousy seems to be an ugly word, but the definition does fit many of our situations. The free pass, as you accurately stated, is the key to these feelings!

Which describes how I feel.  Jealousy may be part of it but part of it is resentment, too.  Like you say, Britmom and Dovina, it seems like the "free pass" aspect of these relationships is the crux of it all.

Maybe it is fundamentally the unconditional love which our spouses/SOs continue to feel for their "children" despite how badly these adult skids treat them.  I know for a fact that had I exhibited a fraction of the attitude/personality towards SD that she has toward me over the years, my SO probably would have exited the relationship.   Likewise, if I were to start treating him NOW like she does (ignoring him, excluding him, etc.) our relationship would also suffer if not end.  

But SD gets a free pass.  I think that undercurrent of resentment and anger is the foundation of our emotions.  I am not so much jealous of SD rather than angry and disgusted by her behaviors - and knowing that my SO will willingly grovel at her feet for the smallest shred of attention.  That's why I disengaged. 

Rather than jealousy.

Resentment of the unconditional love that doesnt get passed down to you, that allows mistreatment of the absolute worst kind to continue and grow over time.

I also would call it resentment. Resentment of the free pass to treat DH wife with total disrespect and have no consequences for their behavior. Like you all said if I treated them this way it would never OK with DH. There is also resentment toward DH as well, he is responsible for allowing their behavior and just looking the other way, because his children in his eye's are the 2nd coming. 

Resentment also that DH still after all these years of abuse toward me by his spawn, thinks that if he can just get them to utter the word sorry, it will make it all better. No way it is way past that now. He let it grow and grow and did nothing to stop it. 

Resentment that any kind of good man would never put up with anyone treating his wife like that, and put a stop to it.  Resentment that I didn't marry that kind of man. Resentment that DH thinks SD's husband should always stand up for and protect his wife. Shouldn't DH be expected to do the same for his wife?

It really does boil down to a husband problem. The husband makes his children narcisstic and makes them believe Their S##t doesn't stink and they are better then every other being on the planet. DH believes that and so do his spawn. So the rules don't apply to them. 

So, I don't feel it is feeling jealous. I think it is feeling right from wrong. No one should have a free pass to abuse someone just because they married their parent. I think it is a moral and value problem.

After 15 years with adult skids that are not and have never been nice, I can relate to your feelings.  I have come to hate the following phrases that my DH would use as a “pep” talk after one of them was rude, disrespectful, or downright mean:

- Take the high road

- Rise above it and be the better person

- They don’t know the real you

- Give them more time to adjust

- They weren’t raised that way

- They are really busy and don’t realize what they do

I finally told him to just stop with the excuses and let me live my life without the drama.  It took almost 12 years but he has seen the way they not only treat me but him as well.  

I wish I had any good tips but the only thing that has worked for me to move forward is to completely disengage.

The sad thing is we chose to marry a non-confrontational man.  I did this because I was raised by a man who was ALWAYS confrontational.  Guess you could call it over-compensating but lesson learned.  Now, after being married to a gutless wonder for 28 years, who can not find the courage to even support me by sitting next to me when I had been verbally abused, I am contemplating divorce.  The only thing that is holding me back are the financial aspects of it.

I never felt jealous of SD but was resentful that there was so much discrepancy in the way DH seemed to prioritize her over me - even when she was blatantly obnoxious to me.

You wrote that you have felt a "letdown and betrayal" from DH. For 28 years I've been living with the hope for the "next time".  The 'next time' that he is going to show he really cares by emotionally supporting me.  It took my DH over 6 months to tell off a man who have verbally and emotionally abused me, and this only occurred because I would not let it go until he did.  I don't know how long you've been married to your DH. But how many times are you going to tell yourself that the 'next time' will be different or hope that he sees the light.

My advice to you is to state your case to DH only once and give your him a certain amount of time to start prioritizing the emotional health of his marriage over the petty and destructive behavior of the skids.  Then take action.  Believe me - it just isn't worth it to keep hoping for change that never seems to come.

I  am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.  My husband's son now 34 is not a decent human being.  But my DH knows that.  He has had "issues" since he was 5 years old.  My DH and BM are not horrible parents.  I do think they tried their best. 

BM's father although a very successful and prominent member of their community (doctor and head of a hospital) was almost cerrtainly bi-polar.  BM had severe depression issues at times.  So I think some of SS's issues have been herititary.  He was provided with many, many treatment options.

Yes, it is jealousy AND resentment.  I know exactly how you feel and always think about how my future won’t have Any of them (husband included) in it.  Sad, but reality.  They will always be, but we (you and I) won’t.  They were the way they were before we came along and we aren’t changing anything long term.  

It is not jealousy.  There is nothing about my Twit that has me jealous.  What it is is the way she treats him, like garbage.  And, the way he seemed so willing to take it or accept some real weird excuses that made no sense for her behavior.

I have witnessed it time and time again over the last 7 years.  She treats him like garbage, ignores him on hoidays, says she will do something for him and nevered showed....or called and say she wasn't coming, and H just sits there and takes it like it was normal!

I use to get angry when I saw this because I know he was hurt but for a long time would never say anything for whatever reasons (he is working these out in therapy).

Family or not, every one should be treated with respect and if doesn't, for some reason, at least have the maturity to admit it and apologize.

I think a lot of it stems from resentment

Resentment that the expectation is that while you fall over backwards trying to win over skids, they - even as adults - are barely expected to more than acknowledge you

But I also think if more SM's realized this often comes from divorced-dad-guilt on their spouse's side, it might make it more bearable

And sometimes it gets better

My OSD and SIL have spent the last 22 years openly mistreating me and while DH did see it and sometimes stand up, my resentment was always there in the background as it was never really enough or appropriate...until one day he did. DH did address the pathetic behavior of his sister and daugther and at the great cost of having OSD pull the old 'I'm walking out of your life and taking skids too card" and DH has still made it clear he will support me

They are besides themselves because they figured they should always get a free pass to act like the worst kind of jerks towards me, and DH finally addressed the elephant in the room

IMO, I don't so much think our DH's love everyone blood related just so much more than us, their wives, I think between guilt and fear of having their blood walk out on them, or being judged for not 'putting their children first' (even when they are making that their #1 responsibility) they will bow down to their blood

My DH absolutely would take his wife any day over than his sister, yet for 22 years she has been nothing but an class A asshole to me and very little (until recently) was ever said to her by DH

Even though DH loves me a whole gigantic bunch, had I ever treated his sister that way, ya we'd be done

It's just the way it goes

Doesn't neccisarily mean those people matter more, means they have more of a hold based on our DH's guilt, fear of losing them, fear of judgement....

At least in our situation, and that has definately made it more bearable