Husband's birthday get togethers
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My adult step children used to have a birthday luncheon for their father (my husband) before we were married and for several years after our marriage. For some reason, they have stopped doing this the last few years but continue having birthday luncheon's for their mother (who is single but has live-in boyfriend). Although my husband doesn't say anything, I can tell by his body language it hurts his feelings. I don't know if they stopped because they expect me to do it for them or they assume since I'm married to their father we have our own birthday celebration.
I've thought about approaching his daughter-in-law about the subject but don't want to rock the boat or get my husband upset. Any advice??
Plan your own birthday
Plan your own birthday celebration for him but do not include the ingrates.
Are his children still
Are his children still acknowledging his birthday even though they no longer do the luncheons?
They do continue sending
They do continue sending cards and birthday phone calls. They just stopped doing get togethers to celebrate his birthday.
no no no do not ask the
no no no do not ask the children and their partners why it stopped, it has nothing to do with you lady,
Now you know they stopped doing it, why don't you just start something for DH..... do not even talk to him about it
Yeah, be glad they stopped
Yeah, be glad they stopped it-- if you have to attend. I would be thrilled if mine stopped anything they do..I was totally excluded in everything anyway, even years before I disengaged. Now, they get all of dadeeeeee, all alone, and no more harassment of me or our daughter. I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year, for the firs time in a very long time
If it brings peace, organize
If it brings peace, organize a bday lunch for your DH and invite all. Once you extend yourself, you will uncover the real issues/underlying problems. Right now you are in the dark which brings anxiety and uncertainty. It would bother me too. I would want to know why. However, DH would probably be just as happy if you organized it/did the inviting. SKs may gravitate to BM because she is the weaker parent and they cater to her more- that doesn't equate love. Keep us posted!
Thanks for your comments!
Thanks for your comments!
Skids stopping dad's bday
Skids stopping dad's bday luncheon w/no explanation is between them and DH. DO NOT ENGAGE!!! I would just plan a new tradition, like a nice luncheon w/other couples you are friends with and have a drama-free time. This will fill the void and DH will have fun too. This should be a skid-free event! If he wants to invite skids let them go to dinner or something else.
Ask. I would. If only for my
Ask. I would. If only for my own edification.
Thank you for the comments.
Thank you for the comments. For those of you that suggested I start a new tradition, I actually do organize and pay for a birthday get together for my husband with our friends/couples each year. This year my husband is turning 60 so I'm treating him to a cruise as well.
I just don't think I should be responsible for organizing a get together for his kids and then have to pay for it. (Their father always treats them to dinner, etc. and I'm sure they would expect me to pay as well even through all of them are successful and make way more money then me)
If you are paying for the
If you are paying for the cruise it's only for you and DH - stuff the kids.
You are not responsible to arrange a birthday party for DH and invite his adult children, if they want to part take in the party they can call you and ask you, what can they bring, or can they chip in with money, and they can help cleaning after the party - if the party is at home...
If they want their Dad to have dinner without you, it's the day before and they pay not the birthday person...
so do not feel bad in any way
Thank you! I feel the same
Thank you! I feel the same way. Just need some confirmation I'm doing the right thing.
It's none of your business
It's none of your business why his kids stopped having luncheons. I know he's in a pickle because if he truly doesn't know why, asks, and gets an answer he doesn't like (it's because of HER, dad) then he'll feel worse. Sounds like a punishing thing, especially since everyone seems to know that bio mom still gets them. I agree if they want to organize a party, let them but you don't do a thing or pay for it (and he especially doesn't pay). These are adults for god's sake. They can step up to the plate already. It's good he can share his sadness with you but unfortunately, in this instance, acting on it wouldn't go anywhere. I hope you have a wonderful time together (and apart from the messed up family dynamics).