You are here

How can she be so cruel?

piegirl's picture

My DH received a text message last night from OSD. It was so long, took me 10 minutes to read, basically saying that he should never contact them again. She is the one with the only sgkids, and she made sure she mentioned that. Reminded him that he was turning against his own blood by not shutting me down when I asserted myself that horrible night 16 months ago when they came to our house and berated and ranted at us both for 3 hours. Told him how disgusting it was that he didn't come to a memorial for her MIL when she and her husband said that I wasn't welcome but that my DH could come alone. For the first time in our marriage he actually called out the bad behaviour and said that he while he really wanted to attend, he couldn't support my exclusion. She said this was him playing "mind games" with them while they were grieving. She also claims that his gkids are so angry about him not coming that they don't want to speak to him ever. The sgkids are 12 and 8 and he has seen them since the memorial and they were fine with him. Makes me wonder who is the one playing mind games? My DH is understandably a complete mess.

Just so mean and cruel....  


hereiam's picture

She is the one playing mind games, and using her own kids to boot.

I'm sorry for your DH but this is all on her and I know that it hurts but I hope he does not give in and chase her.

advice.only2's picture

A person who uses their children as pawns of manipulation for their own agenda is not somebody I would want to associate with.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your DH has stood up for you and your marriage. Good for him! I hope you reward him...enthusiastically and often Wink

Sounds like the witch-with-a-B has overplayed her hand. In contrast, just keep making your home and relationship a loving and supportive soft place. Don't talk smack about your DH's evil daughter (no matter how much he shares with you), and keep to comments that are neutral and supportive of HIS feelings. Let him be your protector, and thank him for doing so.

FWIW, my DH's eldest daughter is also a narcissistic piece of work. My DH let  A LOT of her poo slide over the years (including ignoring her mistreatment of me), but her big mistake was cutting us off from the grandkids. That is something he will never, ever forgive.

piegirl's picture

I love the support I feel every time I need to talk. Thanks also for the advice - I definitely needed it!

MissTexas's picture

The "girls" (that's what they are, they certainly are not mature adult women) all use the same playbook. They all say they "...feel like they're walking on eggshells when they HAVE to be around us." Translation: She's onto my bullshit and I don't like it, but I'm going to keep trying to work on dad's head and manipulate him as long as I can. Her calling for DH to reign you in, or shut you down is her not so cleverly disguised "ultimatum." If Dh won't shut you down, then she will suspend daughter and grandkid privileges. The kids don't know not to speak to their grandfather, that's her choice TRUMP CARD to play, in an effort to tug and daddy's heartstrings and whip him into shape so he will spring into action.

How can she be so cruel? Easy. She's had years to perfect her craft and it has proven effective. One of the ugliest things I've ever witnessed (& the closest thing to either an exhorcism or reversal of evolution) was watching an experienced classic narc losing her grip on reality when she had her hour long mental & verbal salad rant/meltdown. When their mask slips it sure isn't pretty, and what a site to behold.

Plain and simple, she's projecting her "mind games" onto DH, in an effort to guilt him into whipping you into shape and beating you down into submission where she thinks you rightfully belong. These sick girls view us as competition and a threat to their "Garden of Eden." The prettier you are, and the more educated you are, and the more time you spend with DADDY, the more pissed they become. It must be an absolute misery to sit around and plot and scheme as to what ploy you're going to pull next.

Be proud your DH is not standing behind her any longer and has removed his rose colored love goggles. Praise him, bring out the palm leaf plume and fan his brow....celebrate...she's lost her hold on your DH.

shamds's picture

do all the horrible things but guilt others as doing the exact things they constantly do and they make your head spin around in circles.

good on your husband for sticking up for you as there are plenty that are too chicken shit to man up

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

It is all about conrol.  This is proven by using the GK's as pawns.  I am glad your H stood up for you.

She needs to simmer in the mess that she created and get her head on straight.  Unfortunately, too many of these SA's today think the world is all about them.

Hang in there.  One good sign is your Hubby is supporting you.

piegirl's picture

DH decided he wanted to reply to her message, I was actually thinking he was going to crumble and try to chase her but the opposite happened....

His text said that he was so hurt that she feels the need to blame not only him but us for everything negative in our relationships together, and sad that she sees things so one sided. That while he loves and misses them that he will now step back as per her request and wait until she wants to discuss their issues constructively.

You could have blown me over!!! Terrible thing is that he is still so sad but I'm so happy!!! Like really really happy but I'm trying not to show it too much Wink and tonight he said well now I think about it I suppose it wasn't a coincidence that the memorial was scheduled for our wedding anniversary. This new text thing has come just days before my birthday and a big overseas bucket list adventure they know we are taking. 

hereiam's picture

while he loves and misses them that he will now step back as per her request and wait until she wants to discuss their issues constructively.

I'll bet she didn't expect that! Good for him.

Yeah, some people believe that there are NO coincidences. Pretty sure that's the case, here.


Rags's picture

While the memorial may not have been scheduled to interfere with your anniversary (people don't die on a schedule) I have no doubt that her turning up the drama with her toxic text fest has absolutely everything to do with your upcoming adventure.

These toxic gonad ghouls think that other peoples happiness is an affront to them.  So, keep giving her fodder for her own misery by living a great life. Living well and being happy is absolutely the best revenge and is akin to rubbing their noses in the stench of their own mess.

Live well.

piegirl's picture

People don't die on cue but she died a couple of months prior and they decided to not have a funeral but a celebration of life a couple of months later - right on our anniversary date.

Rags's picture

Past behavior being the best predictor of future performance, and considering their history of petty manipulative bullshit, you are most likely absolutely right about theri scheduling of SSIL's mother's celebration of life over your anniversary.  

Good thing you and DH did not fall for it and celebrated your anniversary leaving SD and SSIL to wallow in their own pathetic manipulative misery. 

Movingonisbest's picture

Your SD sounds like a jealous and wicked person. She has her own life and own family but doesn't want her dad to have the same? She needs to go find a new hobby because trying to ruin her dad and your happiness is pathetic. 

tog redux's picture

What a horrible human being. How can she not see that she's harming her own children by using them as pawns so openly?  She's not even trying to mask what she's doing.

I'm sorry your DH is dealing with this - he needs to let them go for now, or she will always be controlling him in this manner.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

There are people in this world that think that they ae the center of the universe and the rest of us should rotate around them  I know because my X Twit was one of them.  Couldn't bother with her Father for his birthday and Fathersday, etc, BUT had a conipsion fit if he didn't give her a gift on her birthday!

My sixth sense tells me that she is going to be all alone in her old age, as she deserves to be.

sandye21's picture

"My sixth sense tells me that she is going to be all alone in her old age, as she deserves to be."  She is already alone.  She lives with a Husband who disengaged from her, children who despise her for controlling their lives, a Mother and Sisters who want nothing to do with her, and your EX who will expect things from her she will never be willing to give.  What a horrible feeling it must be to live with people who have no desire to really know her.

Your sweetest revenge is to make your life happy and fulfilling, with the knowledge that those around you honestly care and love you.

still learning's picture

I can guarantee that the 12 and 8 yr old were not invested in who was at their other grandparents funeral. The kids were probably a little sad because gran diedbut also busy being kids; it's ridiculous for SD to make this about them being mad at their grandfather.  Unless DH was close to his Son in Law's family theres really no reason for him to be there.  I know my DH wouldn't willingly attend SS's IL's funerals if that were to happen.  

I'm so sorry for your DH. This is really malicious on SD's part.