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Heartbroken at Christmas...8 years running

BW1607's picture

Submitted by BW1607 on Thu, 12/26/2024 - 12:45pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Hi everyone...last wrote on here back in April. My 24-year daughter will see me about 6-10 times a year...Since she turned 17, she won't see me if it includes my wife and her adult sons, saying they are not "her family" after years of living half the time with us even though they have always treated her so well. She wants me to pay for her graduate school saying I "owe her." And she wants me to co-sign a lease....She works full time My daughter is a victim of parental alienation by her mother, who was trying for years to poison our family. I thought we had overcome the alienation attempt, but evil is winning with my daughter.

This morning, I had the following text exchange with her.......

Daughter: I am having a panic attack.

Me: Why are you having a panic attack?

Daughter: Bc everyone on TikTok is getting all these nice gifts from their familes. I'm done.

Me: I got you exactly what you wanted. I gave them to you before Christmas as you wanted. And now that's not enough.

Daughter: It's not. All these kids get multiple nice things on TikTok. You don't help me with a car. I'm moving far away from everyone. My heart is broken.

Me: I give you $1,300 a month, which you could easily put towards a car. You work full time. You have no rent, no mortgage, no car payment. You have a student loan and any other debt YOU incur. I bought you the Christmas gifts YOU chose. I don't ever see you on the holidays. You won't see anyone in our family. And I'm the problem?

Daughter: That's not enough. No car help. I'm your only child. And you can help me more, but you don't want to. My friends parents' pay for their car leases. You just want me to struggle. 

END

What the heck?

 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Thu, 12/26/2024 - 1:35pm

I can tell you are hurt, I would be, too.  You are going way above what other parents do.  Can you accept the type of person she is?  "Mental health is an ongoing dedication to reality at all costs".  The reality is that she is a cruel, manipulative person who is trying to emotionally blackmail you.

I would be tempted to tell her every time you hear a complaint from her, you are reducing your monthly stipend by $500.

Trudie's picture

Submitted by Trudie on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 8:14am

After that conversation, I would be done. Actually overdone!

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 12/26/2024 - 4:25pm

My SD45 believes her father (my husband) still owes her too. Not quite sure what for. And she won't say because my DH should magically know.

I feel for you. Don't give in to the manipulation. Nothing you do will ever be enough. 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Sat, 12/28/2024 - 5:53pm

Same with my DH's daughter, SD44. These damaged, entitled women don't even see their fathers as human. The parent - child bond has been destroyed by alienation, and Dad is merely a financial resource who owes them. It's sick and it's sad.

OP, why not tell your daughter that her latest comments have you very concerned for her mental health, so you'll be reallocating a portion of that $1300 for therapy for her? She truly does need help.

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Thu, 12/26/2024 - 5:03pm

I'm with CajunMom. I'd cut this ADULT off altogether. I am really sorry. I'm sure there is someone better (like yourself and those who love you and treat you with respect) to spend that money on.

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 6:52am

I understand how you must feel but let me ask you to see this in a different way, make a list of her behaviors, accusations, threats and what you do for her right now. Then look at that list as if you were looking at a friend's situation and ask yourself what advice you'd give them. 

 

It may be time to accept that she is a mini me to her mom and cut off her gravy train. 

Trudie's picture

Submitted by Trudie on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 8:17am

I like the list approach. Something about seeing it in black and white is so eye opening...the (hard) truth is often revealed!

Trudie's picture

Submitted by Trudie on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 8:13am

I am so sorry, this hurts my heart to read this. This is so ugly. Your daughter's sense of entitlement is off the charts. It sounds as if you are going above and beyond for her; I am sickened that she is not thankful. I urge you to cut the support immediately, a 24 year old is an adult. It is time she 'adulted'.

My parents did not give me a penny for school. Or a car. Or rent. Etc. They had money; they chose to spend it on their kids, I was adopted. It was probably the best thing for me! I worked my way through college. I bought my first home at age 25. With determination and grit it can be done. I treated my kids similarly, not from lack of love but with the knowledge that the gift of independence was the best thing I could give them. Yes, I did provide very modest support. They are both college graduates who are thriving. Tough love worked for us.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 10:29am

In her game you always lose. $1300 a month isn't good enough?  Then she doesn't need it. Stop it, maybe all these Tic Toc 7people are better kids. And respect there parents.  And don't treat there father like poo.  

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 12/27/2024 - 11:12am

She's having a panic attack because someone out there is getting more than she is? And she's  TWENTY-FOUR!? Tell her to stop watching Tiktok then, and to get a decent job to learn the value of money because she's not getting another penny from you.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Sat, 12/28/2024 - 6:47pm

Yep, that's what I'd do. I'd agree with her statement, "You just want me to struggle."

My response would be, "DD, you are right. After some thought, I do want you to struggle. Adversity will build your character, test your mettle, develop your maturity and will make you more resilient. For those reasons I will no longer be providing you with any financial assistance. I want you to struggle and become an adult who understands the meaning of gratitude and appreciates every blessing in your life."

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Sat, 12/28/2024 - 7:06pm

She's having a panic attack because people on TikTok are getting nicer gifts than her????

You give her $1300/month????

She doesn't pay rent at her age???

Sir, your daughter is SPOILED. No she's beyond spoiled. She's entitled, rude, manipulative, and out of touch with reality. You are paying her to be your daughter. Is that a genuine relationship? 

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sun, 12/29/2024 - 6:20pm

$1300 a month, 24, and "heartbroken" bc not getting enough? This has to be a troll. Jesus, no skid is that entitled.

Renewed's picture

Submitted by Renewed on Sun, 12/29/2024 - 7:07pm

This is really hard. My parents (and probably to an extent my XH) have worked to alienate my kids from me. You can't get her love back by continuing to give. It's time for some tough love and letting her stand on her own two feet. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 01/01/2025 - 12:03am

Now, cut her off. She is an adult and heading to gradschool. When she played this guilt card crap as an adult, she should live the consequences.  No more $1300/mo, not a dime for gradschool, no gifts, no consigning, no nothing.  She can learn that she earns a relationship through decent behavior. She earns participation, gifts, and support by a  rest of her life commitment to respectful engagement with her father and with you.  IMHO it is too late to earn any help other than a supportive message upon occassion and a congratulations card when she actually finished gradschool on her own dime.

There is only one place in life for shit spawn. That place is gone!