You are here

First holiday season and disengaged - how to handle it.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Thanks to SteppedonStep's post i just had to start a new topic.

"I am curious - for those of you who have disengaged, how did you handle the first holiday season? "

I still have a hard time with ignoring the sgkids. SD's kids are sweet and young. How do you deal with sgkids especially. I could very easily ignore SD.

Actually it is SD's birthday next month so that will be a big hump to get past for sure.

My family is so done with SD and her games. Last year she complained about how "cheap" my family was to her kids. Pretty damm nervy to actually voice such a complaint. No manners at all. Yet my family was in the wrong in her and DH's minds.

I sooo dread the holidays this year....

the wicked witch's picture

I dont think I could ever do that for younger steps. Now, the SD18...IM TOTALLY THERE!!! IM SWITCHED OFF!!!! DONE!!!

sixteensmom's picture

This is a great post. I was just thinking of this. First step granddaughter is due dec 12. It's going to be tough for a few reasons.... Its our fist grandbaby... Sd hasn't spoken to us in a year, she and sil didn't attend fil funeral this spring and hasn't bothered to speak to mil this year... and sent an email telling dh he sucks as a parent...and she plans to be a better parent than him..... So he has basically written them off, out of the will, and figures we won't see the baby. I'm a mess because I love babies, have always thought any of our kids babies will be our grands, didn't matter who had em, and my sons wife lost their first last month... Which means we will all celebrate step grand kid a couple weeks before christmas. And mourn first real grand at the same time.

Love to see advice on this.

Kes's picture

I am disengaged from my SD17 and SD15, but my DH is not disengaged from my adult daughters nor from his GSKID age 2. So when the latter visit us around Xmas it is just like a normal family celebration - actually we spent 24th/25th with them last year up in the north of England, and SD17 kicked up merry hell, as she regards Xmas eve as one of "her" days to spend with DH.
However, we also always have the SDs for a couple of days usually 26/27th Dec. I give them a token gift - usually a pair of slippers/dressing gown - something like that, for which DH calls us all into the room for the present giving. They have usually got me nothing, which I prefer. I usually ask that everyone give to my favourite charity anyway, instead of gifts to me. But I do not believe SDs actually ever donate money.
We do not do any joint celebrating other than meals. And the last time we had a Xmas meal on 27th last year, it was my DD27 and her BF, and the SDs - SD17 behaved like a bitch. So I will be avoiding doing that this year.

RedWingsFan's picture

I WANNA HAVE A HORSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I were your SD and if you bought me a horse I'd love you forever! I'm 100% serious!

I'd kill to own my own horse.

Your SD sucks ass

Shaman29's picture

Dang it....I'm always asking people for a pony. Most look at me like I'm insane. If only I had known you were giving them away.

the wicked witch's picture

hah..MY SD18 was so close to not having her financial aid in on time. i though I did the right thing by double checking while she was in school the day it was due...THOUGH SHE REFUSED MY ATTEMPTS TO HELP OR CHECK.. It was not submitted...she thought it was and I pushed submit AND THEN REALLY WISHED I COULD PUSH UNDO!! Why do we always try do the right thing even though we get crap for it. I txt her that i had submitted it and I got a txt back "GO TO HELL!!!" hah..now thats how entitled kids show gratefullness for a $5500 Financial Aid grant IM SOOO STUPID!!!

happy's picture

This will be my first year really of not wanting ot do for SK - but as for SD child, I love her and no matter what I will always do for her. No matter if I care for her mom or not..
I just pray that she is very different from her momma..

happy's picture

OMG I swear you just said my life right there.. Its not that he says to be nice but I feel like its the right thing, except for this year.. I cant' do it anymore... But I am telling you that is how I feel

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

That is so rude to not buy for someone when you draw their name.

We have a method that would kill that one. Anyone who wants to participate in a gift exchange shows up with an adult gift. (All the kids get gifts from pretty well everyone). If you put a gift on the table you get a number and when your number comes up you pick one of the wrapped gifts. They are all for either sex usually and we set a limit. It is just a fun little way to do a gift exchange with no pressure on what to buy. One year I got a real nice wooden box of teas and a gift card to Starbucks for example. Small but nice. ALL the gifts for the adults are like that. SD didn't participate (of course, her choice. Oh and the fun part is if you like what someone else got better, you can take their gift and give the one you picked to them instead. So the later you pick your gift the better. This is the best part - lot's of laughing and giggling over teasing each other - threatening to take their gift. All in good fun - no malice.

steppedonstep's picture

Looks like my question about the holidays generated a lot of interest. It is good that you started a new thread. I just put an update about my SD situation under my original post "First Time Post - SD is threatening me" SD has proposed a new way to exchange gifts...

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Hi SteppedOn, I saw that post and did reply. Your SD is enjoying the game playing it seems. When you stop playing she will be surprised and not know what to do next.

ItAlmostWorked's picture

Realmccoy-you horse buying bitch-OMG-I laughed so hard at your post I ended up coughing and crying. It is a sad, sad state of affairs when one does something so amazing-buys a horse-and STILL gets called a bitch. Unbelievable. I laughed at the bluntness of your statement but it truly is so, so sad. Good for you for trying. You sound like a good egg!!

Wishing you nice holidays!!!