Feeling sick
My adult stepdaughter is "applying" for jobs and then sabotaging them. So she is just at home. I cut off WiFi thinking that perhaps Netflix was too distracting. Can't go get a job when you're under the covers with Netflix complaining about how life is hard. Anyway, she's now rallying the other adult step children to how I'm awful. Ugh. Yeah. I work full time and I hate coming home to her cocoon of a pile of blankets and to more excuses of why she isn't working. I've posted before and my spouse and I are working on a plan but she keeps sabotaging and now I'm just sick. All the other kids are listening to her sad tears of how it's impossible to job search from the couch without WiFi and how I'm mean. Ugh ugh ugh. I've been married nearly 20 years and this girl is bringing us to our breaking point. I just don't have anyone to turn to and I feel sick. I feel like my relationship with the other kids is also near breaking point. I so regret allowing her back into our lives. Yes I let her back in .....she had been running wild while I raised the others and she came pleading back. I allowed it. I just want my house back and I want my husband back. It's just my plan a taking time and can't come soon enough. I have to somehow get money to get her out. But I am so worried that she's just wrecking everything so that it will not go back to the way thinks were before I let her back in. I never should have let her back in.
Tell her since she can't find
Tell her since she can't find a job, she can get a job on a cruise ship. That way she can see the world, while working 7 days a week. I always recommend cruise ships for people who need a kick in the butt to launch.
Corona Virus
Might sink that plan.
We have asked her to be out
We have asked her to be out of the house during working hours but she is balking hard at this and sometimes just isn't up and ready to go when we are. She is just refusing. Good advice though. It's just hard to get her to do anything. So hard. Someone in a previous one of my complaints said to pay her first months' rent. I'm so ready to do this. I am just searching right now and have a few calls. It just burns me that I'm working full-time and doing the searching. She's not working. She should do it. But I think it'll be the easiest way to get her out. Pay for a month. She'll be happy about that but not let her back in when she can't make rent. That's the plan I'm working on. My problem is that she's rallying everyone she can about how evil I am. I'm sooooooo pissed as I have given LOTS to this girl.
Don't ask her to be out of
Don't ask her to be out of the house during working hours, make it happen. An air horn in her bedroom an hour before you're due to leave. A reminder every ten minutes afterwards. Whether or not she's ready, she goes when you go. Change the locks so she can't just mosey back home before her time is done. Light a fire under her sorry bum and make her move. Tell her you're starting eviction procedures. Don't leave her any wiggle room.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Air horn, pitcher of ice water, change the locks, and she can sit on the curb during work hours.
When she is let in she can clean, cook, etc.
Leave recruting flyers for the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard and Merchant Marine in prominant locations for her and mommy to see incessently.
When either of them bitch. Hand them a flyer.
The pitcher of ice water was my mom's peferred method for getting her teen sons out of bed in a hurry. She gave one knock and "its time to get up" warning. When the door opened the second time we would levitate if we were not already up.
Air horn. I like it. I really
Air horn. I like it. I really do. I have a very emotional hubby right now who just wants to cry because everyone's at odds. He wouldn't be happy with me and an air horn. I am that ready. I'm just trying so hard to balance everything. So falling apart though.
I've just read over your past
I've just read over your past posts. This slug of an SD is nearly 30?! No wonder you feel sick. Tell your DuH to pull himself together and make an appointment with a therapist. He needs to see that there is a common denominator to the problem and that it is not you. Forget about the air horn, go straight to filing for an eviction. She's too old to be lying around all day. What does your DuH think she 's going to do when he's too old to coddle her? He should be ashamed of having a layabout like that for a daughter. And what a great influence for her siblings, huh?
Stop trying to balance things and go straight to what you want. I wish you all the best because the last 20 years can't all have been sunshine and roses and it's time the tables turned.
Removed
.
The time for being nice is
The time for being nice is looooooong past. This lazy, darn near MIDDLE-AGED woman needs to GTFO.
You and your spouse need to agree that Lazy needs to GO and work as a team to get her out. Be bloody ruthless.
Remove the door from her bedroom.
Use the airhorn.
Remove the covers from the bed (take them with you).
Change the locks. If a sibling gives her a key, change the locks AGAIN and the only keys belong to you and your spouse.
GET HER GONE.
When I do not like something in our house
When I do not like something/someone in our house, I simply move out of the house and let DH deal with the situation. Our life is too short and I wouldn't let anyone to affect my wellbeing. If I were you, I would move out and stop paying anything related to household's expenses until this adult lazy woman is gone.
Where is DH in this? This is
Where is DH in this? This is crazy. You guys need to evict her and be done with it. If DH won't agree, then move out.
Thanks everyone. I really
Thanks everyone. I really just need some people to assure me that I'm on the right track. My DH and I had a talk this evening. He's on side. We are working towards getting her out. Who knows? I may have another flip out yet.
So glad DH is on side
that's more often than not the problem!! I'm sure if DH is of the same mindset, between the two of you it should be fairly easy to create an eviction plan and get her the hell out of your home. Good luck!!
Sabotage exactly what is it.
Sabotage exactly what is it. What my sd does she gets on the net applies for jobs to make it look like she doing something then doesnt answer her phone or check her emails. Goes I havent heard from anyone. Then me or dh will see hiring signs in places we say go take your resume here and she roll out of bed at 3 oclock in the arvo and brush her teeth run a comb threw her hair put on some shoes turn up there unshowered stinking to high heaven in the clothes she slept in the night before. With her crumbled resume. Then goes oh they not getting back to me. She looking for a job in retail I work in retail so I know they taking one look at this scruffy stinking miserable little girl throwing her resume in the bin. Not like I havent told her a million times how to dress and that why she not hearing back from them.
I know exactly how you feel about the lump.in the bed I work in the afternoon. I stick my head in her room before I go at 2pm there she is having a lovely sleep. I used to wake her up in the morning I would rip off the covers I would bash on her door I would spray her with a water bottle start yelling and getting in a argument with her. Ring her father and argue with him. Then he get on speaker phone start telling her off. All that would happen is a go to work with the shits and it stuff my whole day. So I had to disengage. Stopped paying for stuff. Cut her off the wifi because I pay the bill.
If dh dumb enough to put up with it all it his fault and problem.
He can fork out for her till she 100.
Next option of just leaving also on my mind. Dh may just come home oneday find me and all my stuff gone never to return again.
Dh and sd can live there dysfunctional little life together forever. Because I know no other women will put up with it.
Hugs to you!
Sorry you're enduring this miserable situation.
Does SD have other family she can live with? Friends? If not, can you give her a hard deadline (2 weeks?) to get out, then enforce it? (Change the locks --only you and DH have a key), put her clothes outside on the deadline given and see what happens?
I understand parents don't want their children (or step-children) placed in a negative situation, yet at some point (long overdue in this instance), it's on the adult (which she is) to figure their lives out, and the parents deserve a life of peace. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your life, your health and your sanity for anyone!
PS) I wouldn't throw a dime her way. Save your money.
hugs.
You sound
LIke you are at the end of your rope.
Shes 30 not 13. Shes an adult, time to start adulting. Do what you have to do, and because she is poisoning the others against you, you MUST take things on quickly. All the suggestions others have given you - I would include taking the door off the room. If shes not ready when you are to go, insist. It doesnt matter if shes in her jammies. Shes lost ALL rights. I too had lazy a$$ Sd, and we had to be really hard on her. Eventually she went to live with her BM and all hek broke loose, but it did not change her. And she trash talked everyone as well, called me abusive etc.
Like I said do what you have to do. Write up a notice - 3 days notice to pay rent or quit. Then an eveiction notice to follow. Do it legally. And do it.
Wanderer~ She needs to GO,
Wanderer~ She needs to GO, like yesterday! I wouldn't give a flying f@ck if H was hurt by it or her siblings feel a way about it. Your health and mental well being are impacted by this lazy irresponsible SD. I would refuse to support and help enable this type of f@ckery. This is YOUR home and if your H is not willing to shut things down than you have to do it.
You can't wait for him to take action because it will never happen. She will continue living with you both for the rest of her life because she has no incentive to leave. Make it very uncomfortable for her, you're already the evil SM so go all the way with it. When you all get up, wake that @ss up and she's out the door. Take her keys and she doesn't get them back until she finds a job and makes a plan to get the hell out. It may be harsh but you gotta do what you gotta do. Your H will not like it and if he doesn't have no other solution......this is going to have to be it.