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SD Always Ruins & Changes Plans.

Forever_Inbattled's picture

So, my 21 year old SD whom lives with DH and I and we are paying to put through College, totally blew us off for Thanksgiving this week. I had been texting her for two weeks prior to Thanksgiving to make plans (She had been staying with her new BF in his Frat house). Naturally I barely got a response from her, but she acted like she'd be home. Suddenly the week of Thanksgiving arrives and she tells us she's going out of town with her BF and spending the entire week (4 hours away) with the BF's family.

We hear nothing from her on Thanksgiving, no Happy Thanksgiving text, nothing. Doesn't surprise me. SD is very rude and inconsiderate. But, I felt bad for DH because he's still in denial about the entire situation (thinking there is a mutual love and respect between he and SD, not realizing she's simply using him and couldn't care less).

So, this is where my rant comes in.....she totally disses us for the Holiday. We hear nothing from her and then suddenly late last night she contacts DH, saying that her and her BF will be here Saturday (today) to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. DH comes up with the plan to go out to eat with them *joy* NOT!!

So DH tells them to be here today between 3 and 4pm, they okay it and acted like it was perfectly fine.

SD JUST messaged on Facebook saying that she didn't get the memo until just now that her BF and his Mom had planned to watch a Football game today together and she didn't think they could make it, so TELLS me that they're rescheduling for tomorrow.

HELL NO!!!! I am NOT her DH, I am not her friend.

I messaged SD back and told her that we made plans for tonight and regardless if her and her BF are coming, her Father and I are keeping our plans and we'll be at the restaurant no later than 4pm. I let her know that we have plans for tomorrow and are not rescheduling for her and can't make plans with her for tomorrow. I also noted sarcastically how nice it was that she put her new BF and his family first.

I then called DH and ripped into him about it. I told him I am not allowing SD to boss us around and continue to make demands and have her way. I explained my response and that it was final. Surprisingly, DH was completely cool with it and agreed with me.

PolyMom's picture

At this point, I would just make your plans and let SD come and go as she pleases. If she comes tomorrow, she can reheat the leftovers in the microwave. I wouldn't fight her at this point, it's only going to make her angrier, want to retaliate, push your buttons, and it will work. She just needs parents that are happy to see her when she's home...and just let that be that. I wouldn't go out of my way to change plans, cook meals on different days, or whatever. Just go about your regular plans with or without her. If she doesn't like it, she needs to be more stable about plans because she just proved you can't count on anything she says.

Forever_Inbattled's picture

Exactly!!

I totally agree. That's why I kept the plans to go out to eat dinner tonight regardless if she comes or not. This has been a persistent issue with SD, she'll make plans and change them, or we'll make plans with her and she fails to follow through or cooperate. I am not going to continue to cater to her and whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

I want to send the message that DH and I are in control of our plans, not her and she needs to learn to be stable and keep her word. Because, we can't count on anything she says because she's done this way too much.

PolyMom's picture

Yeah, I wouldn't even tell her about what you are or aren't going to do...because honestly, she may blow you off again tomorrow if you do. What I'd do is go out to dinner tonight...plan something like sandwiches for dinner tomorrow, and if she shows with the boyfriend, awesome, and if not, you've got lunch set for the week.

Just message "Okay, see you tomorrow. Have a good time." Don't let her think her presence or lack of presence bothers you one way or another.