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BM inserts herself into every visit.

Twix's picture

I haven’t updated the fallout of the court battle, haven’t had the emotional readiness to dive into it.

But in short, DH took her to court wanting the CO to be enforced with SS11 and for him to be put back in school. Long story short, DH won. BM accussed DH of a lot of things and a lot of it DH was able to show were false. During the proceedings BM withheld SS11 two times and at the last court hearing the judge actually said “if BM continues to do this the next step will be awarding DH full custody”. 

Since then it’s been pretty good, even though she still tries to screw with the schedule every week. Last visit it was her begging to have the kids Thursday to take them go karting with family. DH agreed, it was her and her mom asking him at pick up in front of the kids. Mind you she ended up not showing up and only texted SS11 to say so. 

She emailed him yesterday (they come wed-wed) to tell him “the boys have summer camp this week and will be picked up and dropped from her house (the camp does this) so they would like to just stay home. It’s also younger sisters birthday. You can pick them up 7.”

I know that sounds confusing, we have no idea when she’s referring to for picking them up at 7. 

DH is going to try calling the camp to see if the address can be changed for half the week. Otherwise he’s going to just tell BM he will drop them off and pick them up at her house. Her house isn’t far from our place but it’s frustrating for DH as he is working.... and I refuse to do any exchanges alone. I think he should just say he can drop them off and pick them up before and after work. Which will probably be before and after camp but we don’t know right now as she didn’t share that info. 

As for the sisters birthday I think he should say she can pick them up and drop them back off (that’s what we did when BSs birthday fell on her time). 

Any suggestions are welcome! 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Ugh, BM here did all of this stuff, it's about control and power, of course.  Just try to work with her where reasonable, and set limits where it isn't, and above all, DH can't react to her in an angry or hostile way.  

So the judge ordered SS be put back in school?

thinkthrice's picture

we know this isn't in NY then!!!

Wink

Twix's picture

Well the judge made a decision about visatation but kept postponing school. The next step was BM was going to be questioned by DHs lawyer. Well when SS11 was over he was talking about how he was going back to school in the fall (and her younger kids) and that he was excited to see his friends. 

Well DH tells his lawyer this, who then asks BMs lawyer, who then asks BM and “oh yah he’s going back”. So I think the lawyer got some sort of confirmation and that was that. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Personally. If it's DH's time, then the kids may not get to be there for the birthday. That sounds mean, but the reasoning behind it,  I think in high conflict situations, swapping things, allowing schedule changes, all of it just causes more contention and chaos. It's like giving an inch so they can take a whole freaking marathon.  To me, it complicates things further.

If BM wants to celebrate the birthday, that's awesome! If that's what she wants, then she needs to go ahead and celebrate it with the kid on his birthday, but then the rest of the kids sometimes during her time. Like a little party.  The kid won't mind, because let's be real, kids don't care who's there ON the birthday, as long as they're there for the party.  And it avoids any schedule changes and conflicts, and from the sounds of it, a VERY high conflict BM continuing to try and cause issues.

That's just my opinion though.  Of course you guys can swap it you think it can be civil still.

I'm glad SS has to go back in school, SD10 is STILL behind because of Psycho. We make leaps and bounds every year, but it's really hard to catch a kid up when everyone else is still moving forward.

bananaseedo's picture

I agree, don't swap for the bday -they can celebrate on her days with NO problem-I moved bday parties/events for my kids ALL the time if they were with their dad.  Also, would find out about transport for your week while at summer camp.  Stay with the order or you will start having problems. 

ndc's picture

In a high conflict situation such as this one, I would try to stick to the court order as much as possible.

My DH has a pretty amicable co-parenting relationship with BM, but one rule he does have is that if you ask for a schedule change in front of the kids, the answer is automatically no.  So the go-karting thing would have been a hard no.  The younger sister's birthday - celebrate it on your own time, BM.  As for camp, I'd go directly to the camp to make arrangements.  I also would not be allowing schedule changes for a camp for which I didn't have full information.  This is a BM who will take a mile if you give an inch, so you have to be careful not to give the inch to start with.  

Siemprematahari's picture

if you ask for a schedule change in front of the kids, the answer is automatically no

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This 100%!!!

Thumper's picture

Don't give any changes and do not ask for changes...simply follow the court order as it is written.  Doesn't matter if she wants to take the child to the moon. Apparently she has a problem with time management when the child is with her. ALL things SHE wants to do, is done on her time.

Emergency is different...DH,,my Grandfather died...DH I need surgery...stuff like that IS an emergency.

I agree the go-kart thing would have been a no too. NO BM

Glad your Judge saw thru the muck.

 

Twix's picture

Thanks everyone. I will be sharing the advice with DH, sometimes (most of the time) he needs a lot of encouragement when dealing with BM .... he begins to doubt himself and she’s a bully plain and simple. 

I really like the “you ask in front of the kids and it’s a no” 

A little update: DH got a hold of the camp and they can switch the drop off and pick up beginning Thursday. So he will still have to pick them up from BM Wednesday (which he would have been doing anyways). 

He’s going to email her tonight and let her know .... cue all hell breaking loose.