You are here

Do you tell your kids and do you ever go back

jennaspace's picture

After several years of RA at the hands of the women of DHs family, I moved across the country. When I married DH, I moved to the state my DH (and family) was from and where I had no close relatives or friends of my own.

It's really nice to have moved away for many reasons... I no longer feel the awkwardness of the family events I'm not attending, no more worries about running into a family member I haven't seen, almost zero influence from MILs emotional blackmail and critical spirit etc.. etc...

As DHs family becomes a small dot on the map, I'm wondering how to deal with the future. My son is young and he has no idea about what happened with DHs family. I would love to just tell hubby to visit his family on his own without my son because it's a fair consequence for their actions. Because my MIL is elderly and really loves my child, I don't have the heart to keep my son from visiting. It's difficult for her to travel here due to mobility issues.

I'm thinking of having my son go back maybe once a year until she passes (probably less than 2-3 yrs). I'm wondering what I should tell him when he asks why I'm not coming. I don't want to burden him with the details of what happened until he is mature enough to handle it.

How have you handled this with your bio children? Have you told your kids about what happened? At what age did you do this? How did you handle disengaging with your kids and their half sibs? My skids are over 20 yrs older than my child.

I'm also curious if any of you go back after moving away?

I'd appreciate any input anyone might have.

jennaspace's picture

Thanks! Smile

jennaspace's picture

Thanks, I really like the idea of a father/son trip! That's a great angle. My son is 5 y/o.

emotionaly beat up's picture

You are probably worrying about this more than he ever will. If he and daddy are having a trip back to see grandma, he really won't think much if your busy and can't make it. The second time he might ask and again if he's told it's daddy and son time back to see grandma. That will become the norm to him. Children are far more resilient than we give them credit for. Glad you settled away from the drama now. Just leave it there and make father and son trips to grandma an exciting grown up trip for the boys. It will be fine. Just make sure your husbands is aware you are not to be discussed in front of your son.

Sambolina1's picture

I wonder about how to handle this too. I have bios of varying ages. Some are quite young. One of my younger school age children will ocassionally ask after the adult stepdaughters. At one time we had a relationship of sorts but there was always an undercurrent of jealousy and animosity towards the babies. Like bursting into tears and silent treatment after we announced pregnancy. The little ones don't understand. I haven't engaged in conversations about the adult steps and honestly they come up less and less. Younger sd has texted her dad to have him pass on birthday greetings. I just keep the chaos that has been caused at their (and bm's) hands in the back of my mind. Maybe I'm cynical! With the inlaws...I will go to visit. But it for three or four days of the most now, and we have to get a hotel room. There is no going around that one. I need to be able to get away in the evenings and just have myself a minute.

daryl's picture

Good parenting is really important.Parents should learn how to handle their children and explain things properly to them specially if you child is still young. At this moment they really need strong parental needs to cope up and handle other things and improve their emotional stability.

buying soundcloud plays