Do you tell others what is happening?
My adult SSs are not very nice people, they steal from their father (DH) and are abusive to him. After years of suggesting to DH that he is not helping them by allowing this behaviour I have discovered your site and I am starting to disengage. Nobody know what has been going on unless they have guessed, I worry about looking like a bitch but we are all in the habit of pretending this is normal. If I tell people like sister in law etc why I won’t have any more to do with them I will feel disloyal to DH who will be hurt. We have a new grandchild (SS 34 year old) and I was told not to come to the baby shower for fear of upsetting BM. Nobody knows this but me, SS and DH. Maybe BM. This is the sort of thing DH would expect me to keep to myself - ‘say you couldn’t make it because of illness’. What have others done in my position? My own grown daughters suspect I get a rough time but I am in the habit of trying to keep everything pleasant on the surface rather than have everything blow apart.