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Wondering how weird

Sadge56's picture

Wondering whether others think this is as weird as I do. SS34 came to stay overnight for DH birthday. After we came home from dinner and went to bed he stayed up drinking and left dirty wine glass in a cupboard (not a crockery cupboard, but where I keep potatoes). Also he rearranged the photos on the fridge, moving pictures of himself and baby to a more prominent position. I am a bit wary of him as he is a high conflict person. It gave me the creeps.

jam's picture

IMHO, I don't see it as weird. I see it as blantanly rude wrapped in passive aggression.  I think your ss deliberately crossed the line as an "in your face" challenge.

Since he is a high conflict person that gives you the creeps, I would not want to be around him at all, let alone staying in my home.

BethAnne's picture

It does seem odd. Could it be that he is a sleep walker?? I know sometimes they get up and do odd things in their sleep. 

MissTexas's picture

Leaving dirty wine glasses wherever he pleases is showing you that he CAN. We are viewed as nothing more than maids or house cleaners.

Him placing the photos so they could get a better, or prioritized view symbolizes, "I am first in dad's life, not you."

Heiring on the side of "normalcy" he could've been drunk, but when dealing with steps, there's always a reason, inibriated or not.

Happy Birthday to your DH!

hereiam's picture

I agree that it is downright rude. Not only would I not let him spend the night again, I would take every picture of him down.

What I would be wondering, is what else did he mess with?

Sadge56's picture

wondering what else I might come across which is part of the problem. It made me uneasy.

sandye21's picture

That IS creepy - and a control issue.  Like a dog peeing on your furniture.  He's being sneaky so it is hard to call him out on his behavior.  When you visit him, make sure to move something where you like it,   Turn to him and smile.  Let him know it can go both ways.

somethingwicked's picture

Like others have pointed out :Passive Aggression filling wrapped up in a Weirdo taco shell.


So you and DH ,the guest of honor on his birthday , turned in for the night and instead of doing likewise adult skid decided to stay up alone drinking wine  and nursing his  Poor Widdle COD feelings thus the redecorating of the pictures on the fridge.

Maybe he got drunk , sitting there drinking alone and became maudlin? Decided he deserved a higher standing  on the fridge door ~ like  at eye level  so Daddee sees him every day ~rather than his spot  by the general vegetable bin area .

There is nothing like being a warm ,generous host /hostess .  Adult children and guests alike  should also know how to behave and when left alone  and not take liberties with other’s belongings .

If CG was around she'd defend his actions as harmless (and they may be to a point but def not normal) and deflect his weirdness onto you as insecurities  or some  other anti Step parent ruse. 

 (Sorry I was just recalling the bad old days of when there were more tr-lls on ST.Alex can I buy an "O"?)


 BTW Did you share your discoveries with his father?

Sadge56's picture

DH happened to be in the kitchen when I came across the dirty wine glass so he saw it. I didn’t notice the photos had been moved until a bit later and I didn’t mention this, I just moved them back. DH knows what SS is like, but it suits him to downplay to avoid conflict. He doesn’t want to make me ‘unpopular’ with the SSs- I am past that point I just want a sane and peaceful life.

DoberGirl's picture

Oh boy, did this particular post bring back a flood of memories. SO does the same thing to me. I could easily say not to let SS in your home anymore, but we all know that rarely works. We are always in the wrong no matter how in the right we are. 

Rags's picture

Far beyond weird.  My SIL's (Bro's wife) SM is one of these.  She is a profound drunk and couch surfs between any number of friends and family after drinking and burning through the estate she and my SIL's father had.   My SS detests the woman because of how she behaves towards his Aunt.  SS IDd her crap when he was very young and has never liked her.

She will drink anything and everything in any home she is in.  When she is in town, we never host a family event just because of her.

She will complain about everything, the wine glasses are not a certain brand, the wine is terrible, etc, etc, etc.... and she just leaves shit where ever she feels like it.   I caught her on a step stool in my parents pantry one time pulling bottles of wine off of my parents elevated wine racks.  They purchase and date any wine they buy with the pull date (year and month)  they want it to age until.

I jerked a proverbial knot in her tail for that crap and pulled my brother aside and told him I did not want her in our parent's home going forward.  That caused some tension for a few years as my SIL could not understand why her SM was persona non grata.  She is all about the big group hug and one big happy family  regardless of toxic bullshit from someone..... and forgiveness of course.  I am all about forgiveness as well.  Though not for anyone who repeats the same crap they have been forgiven in the past.  Repeat morons, are a write off.  

Even my brother will no longer fly his SMIL internationally for visits with his family.

My parents don't care for her but will tolerate her for my brother's sake. 

I won't.

1StepForward2's picture

Its too bad you moved them back but i would tell your DH about the photos being moved around. He saw the wine glass.  You have a good excuse to nit have him stay over again - you dont know what else he messed with and it makes you uncomfortable.

Miss T's picture

... but prepare yourself for a several verses and repeated choruses of "So he moved pictures, so what, are you nuts objecting to such a minor thing?"

Stick to your guns. You do not have to explain and minutely dissect precisely what is wrong with this behavior, in order to justify your discomfort to your DH. It is not your job to convince DH that your misgivings are reasonable. It would be nice if he got it, but he probably won't and I would not attempt to explain myself more than a couple of times. The fact that SS's behavior creeps you out should be enough for him. He probably will need to hear BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT, THAT'S WHY several times before he will accept that you are entitled to your reactions, even if he cannot understand them and--horrors!--they reflect badly on his offspring.

Boostgal813's picture

Yes, it is weird. He is messing with you. Sounds like a cowardly and passive aggressive punk. Sorry you are dealing with that!! Hopefully you are able to limit time spent around him. 

Sadge56's picture

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. I appreciate it.