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Disgusting behavior from DH's daughter once again

Disillusioned's picture

In DH's family, their tradition has always been that a family birthday dinner is held when it's someone's birthday. Generally the birthday dinner is held over a weekend, so if the family member's actual birthday doesn't fall on the weekend then everyone in the family gives them a call and wishes them Happy Birthday on the actual day

When DH and I became an item MIL and FIL included me in these traditions. Always held a birthday dinner, which was for DH's eldest daughter and myself as our birthday's are just a few days apart - one more thing I bet she just LOVES about me - NOT) and they would also call me on my birthday.

I made a point to do the same, always phoned MIL, FIL, DH's sister and his daughters on their birthdays.

DH's eldest daughter when going through her 'I like Disillusioned' years would participate and once or twice way back phoned me on my birthday. That turned into a text on my birthday and then when she was back into her 'I despise Disillusioned' years stopped acknowledging me altogether for my birthdays, although everyone else in DH's family will call (except for DH's sister she will call him but at least sends a text message to me - her way of letting me know DH is her family and I am not nearly as important. Whatever. At least she sends a text)

DH's eldest daughter ignores me on these occasions although she knows that it isn't what everyone else in the family does because quite simply she doesn't consider me family and loves to rub it in my face. Fine

Yesterday DH's eldest daughter called him on his birthday....the last few years when she really was going through the whole 'I can't stand Disillusioned and treat my dad badly too' phase, DH might get a text from her. I was the only one in 'the family' to be treated as a non-family piece of crap by her. Anyway, so she calls DH and actually wishes him happy birthday live. And she has SGS sing a birthday song to him, and she has SSIL wish him happy birthday too

Now, I'm glad for my DH they finally acknowledged him the way they should. But I was more irked than ever at her double-standards. After all the years and all her crap including the time she lived with us full-time and would have nothing to do BM. Grrrrrr!

Even worse DH's eldest made sure to phone around in the evening. She doesn't work so is at home all day and could call DH anytime. But she made sure to do this when she knew we would most likely be out for dinner for his birthday which we were, it's like she was making sure to rub in my face what she refuses to do for me - the SM, ooops I mean DH's wife as she refers to me - who has been there as much or more than her own father over the years


usedup1's picture

My goodness, I could have written that myself.
I wondered why these SD always put so much thought in purposely being rude, instead of just saying "Happy Birthday" for crying out loud.
"The trouble with a kitten, is that it eventually turns into a Cat".

Disillusioned's picture

Yup usedup1, I just can't imagine all the time and negative mental energy put into that!

sandye21's picture

Years ago my SD became very angry when DH wished me "Happy Birthday" first thing in the morning. Would not talk to me and sulked big time. I allowed it to ruin the whole day, and the day should have been mine. My birthday was a couple of days ago. As always, I heard nothing nor received nothing from SD. But I decided give myself a birthday present and give the day to me. I did anything I wanted, did not work in the house, etc - and not once did I think of SD. It was wonderful.

I truly believe that when 'family' events come around we are reminded of how much we have been excluded or ignored or abused by the skids. We remember another caustic situation on that particular day which in turn, reminds of of other bad skid memories and it just seems to escalate on it's own. Disillusioned, you need to take a few hours just for you to do something special - because even though SDs have treated you as if you are insignificant, you aren't.

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Budda

sandye21's picture

I agree - it also makes us feel betrayed by the dad or parents. It's not so much what SD does it's DH's lack of action and acknowledgment of what is happening.

toywas's picture

I have been married to DH for 10 years. For 5 years I always made sure that DH and I sent a card as well as call and sing them Happy birthday; nothing was ever reciprocated to me or DH on our special days. For the past 5 years I don't even write down their birthdays/events on our calendar; they're not worth the pen or my time to write it! Out of 10 years only once did 2 golden eggs ever call me on my birthday; I was shocked. I had to ask DH if he paid them to do it (honest!)

I stopped going out of my way for selfish self-centered people; they're assholes!

Amber Miller's picture

Hi Toywas--I like your style! These adult brats should be ashamed of themselves. They don't even have the class to be decent and do the bare minimum; to wish you a happy birthday. Aren't these the rotten eggs that come to your house and make a mess?

momof5_1969's picture

oh how I can relate, unfortunately. When the skids got old enough that my DH wasn't buying the card and making them sign it, mostly they stopped acknowledging me on my b-day. I make a point of not inviting them over on my b-day now, nor do I acknowledge them on their b-days unless I'm forced to (meaning we have b-day cake at our house). the first year it bugged me, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much.

I've realized that I have so many more people in my life who love me and care about me, that I'm focusing on them, and not the skids anymore. I've rented far too much time and space to them in my head. I'm done.

If I start thinking about the awful things they've done to me, I simply just change topics in my mind, so I don't allow myself to go into "the pit." Enough time already! Smile It's much easier now that they no longer live in our home! woohoo!