Yes this post will seem petty and trivial but still.....it's annoying

Ever since H and I have been together, my PIL's have included me in the birthday dinner for H's eldest as my birthday is just before hers. So what used to be a birthday dinner for H's eldest only became a birthday dinner for H's eldest and myself

MIL used to host the dinner and always was kind enough to phone and ask what dish she could make etc... etc..since it was my birthday too:)

H's sister of course wouldn't even so much as say hello to me let alone acknowledge my birthday at these dinners. Not that I care about any of that at all...in fact I used to tell H I wished his parents wouldn't go to any trouble as I always felt bad about it.

when MIL passed away FIL kept up the tradition...of course H's sister who is a mini-wife to FIL and must control everything would simply use these dinners as a means to rub in my face that she does not consider me family, make me feel like a total outsider, and really play it up with H's eldest in the Relational Aggression crap against me

So, now that FIL is getting so much older and has recently moved into a new place I wondered what would happen for the H's eldest/Disillusioned annual birthday dinner

H's sister makes a point of controlling all of H's family events and for example refused to allow FIL's birthday to be held not only at H and my place of course, but even at H's eldest. It had to be at her place. She is the Queen Bee.

However where H's sister draws the line is this birthday dinner of course. She figures that although H's eldest is her niece she will leave it up to H to organize...and H is disengaged somewhat from his eldest so leaves it with FIL to arrange. H's sister especially won't want to host it as it would mean she would have to host my birthday dinner with H's family as well

So H tells me earlier this week that he asked FIL what is happening for Disillusioned/H's eldest's birthday dinner. FIL says something about well since our place (H and mine) is most central why don't we host it? H looks at me waiting for a response. I said seriously, you want me to host a birthday dinner for your daughter who doesn't so much as acknowledge me on my birthday, has spent an enormous amount of time trying to destroy my marriage, make my life hell, most recently using SGS as a tool for this by PASing him against me but you would like me to invite her into our home and host a birthday dinner for her that oh by the way is supposed to be my birthday diner as well? Seriously?

So H indicates that well no, I wouldn't be doing much, H would be hosting ii in our home. Ya right H, as IF. We both know I would be hosting everything.

I bet H's sister put FIL up to this. I bet FIL figured it made sense as we are central for everyone and H can do the work. But H's sister knows I would be doing everything and would like nothing more to rub in my face that I had to host them, including H's eldest who has been a nightmare to me, and for my own birthday dinner.

Yes, wouldn't H's sister love that

Well, H told FIL to check with H's daughter and his sister and let him know. FIL tells H that H's eldest will host it in her home. It will be a birthday lunch. H tells this to me with a bit of an attitude like, his daughter is fine hosting it and it's really for her, she has no problem with it yada yada...like I should feel bad and should have offered to host it considering it really is for her (I certainly have my own family and friends along with H to celebrate mine...H's family is just what it is....FIL making the effort each year to acknowledge me and H's sister and daughter using the event as an opportunity to try to make me feel uncomfortable and humiliate me

Anyway all is settled and the lunch will be hosted by H's eldest, get to put up with all the usual nonsense I'm sure }:) . Some birthday treat for me :sick: .....and really sort of sad for her that no one - not her Grandfather, her Aunt, her father or her step-mother want to host it for her!