DH is teetering toward disengagement
DH has been talking about disengaging with SD, although I'm sure he doesn't know the term. After many months/years of making excuses for her and catering to her, he may be getting a backbone. This last episode with her moving away because we won't let her keep horses in our yard has opened his eyes. One day he will be so disappointed and angry and he sees the reality of her actions. Next day he is friendly toward her. The last week has been more 'disengagement' type talk than making excuses for her. Yesterday he told me he will talk to her when she returns from her trip. (He had planned to go on the trip for Gskid, but SD told him a few days before that he could not go because he might be distracting or cause conflict. He was very hurt.) He plans to tell her that things have to change. She hasn't allowed her BMs husband at her home for years. DH told me he is going to tell her he will not have her ban me as she has done to BMs husband. I am his wife and he doesn't visit without me. I will be proud if he really tells her that. I think she may tell him that I am welcome at her new home to appease him, but I first expect a sincere apology for her horrible treatment of me. Just being told she will have an open door policy in the future won't work for me. I doubt she will apologize. DH said if she doesn't agree to accept us both he is going to tell her, paraphrasing "have a nice life." I doubt he can bring himself to do it, but it seems he is coming around, slowly. He also plans to talk to her about how she has turned Gskid against us. That is really sad, but not uncommon, I guess, as I have read about it happening to others on this site.
If any of your DHs have disengaged with SDs, how did the process go? Was it gradual or was it the result of some dramatic blowup? So many of these stepfamily dynamics seem to follow a pattern on this forum.