Christmas and disengagement
I have not spoken to SD31 since March when she had her hubby arrested for beating her and then allowed him back in the house even though the judge said he was not allowed at home and I reported him to authorities. I've been married for 10 years and we have always had an up & down relationship, but we mostly have tolerated each other. Since March when it all became by fault I have totally ignored her and her husband. My DH still gets grandchildren 6 & 2 and I do some things with them. Now that it is holiday time SD31 is trying to come around because it is present time. Back when everything happened I told DH under no terms did I want her husband at our house, even for Christmas. He was "ok" with that, but his way of dealing with it is to ignore it until things are calm. Now that Christmas is coming it will be expected that we will all have Christmas together like we have for the last 11 years (SS34, SD31, SD 27, BS22, BD18). The thing is I want to be done, I am tired of being used and taken advantage of. I quit cooking breakfast for everyone a few years ago and try to make Xmas morning quick - presents, then go to grandmother's with extended family. But dang it, we haven't spoken since March and why should we act all fine now just because it is Christmas??? Step-grandson got baptized a few months ago at our church but SD31 told DH I was not welcome, but I was invited to bday party a week later!?!? For years I have tried to be the Brady Bunch family, but I can't do it any longer. SD27 and her husband stay with us for a week at Christmas and I can't even enjoy their visits because our house is only used as a hotel - they spend ALL their time with SD31 and only see us Christmas morning and basically one meal before they leave. It gets old. How does everyone else handle Christmas or the holidays when you have disengaged with one of stepkids? Put on a fake happy face and deal with it?