How to change finances?
I've been married to DH for 4 years now and we have alawys had a joint bank account since we've been married. Due to me not agreeing with his decision to support SD21 while in college I am at a point where I want my money in a separate account. He makes twice as much as I do, so my question is how do we split our bills. I don't think I should pay 50% of all bills and debts. We are living in his house that he lived in with his ex. His other 2 children are out of house so we only have his sd21 and my 2 kids (12 & 15) that we support. His ex does not pay a penny to help out on expenses. I'm tired of struggling to make ends meat while he feels he should pay for college expenses instead of her getting student loans and such. I have a hard time dealing with us paying for her rent (she felt too good to live in a dorm) while she is here for 3 week during Christmas and spending 3 weeks in Europe this summer (paid for by her brother I am told).
Anyone out there decided to get separate bank accounts AFTER you married - how did you handle it?
I agree totally. I was going
I agree totally. I was going to suggest you keep a joint account.
Is he also prepared to
Is he also prepared to support your kids when they go to college? Did he support his other kids through college? If so, I'd say leave things as they are - if he's determined to do things fairly by the kids then you're on to a losing battle.
There's various ideas I've heard for how to divide up bills within a couple, one I like is where a percentage of each person's wages goes into the joint pot, and they can do what they want with the remainder.
His older children paid their
His older children paid their own way. It's only the younger that he feels responsible for since she made good grades, stayed involved in church, etc. I feel that us contributing to her expenses is affecting us financially - we really need that money to pay down or off debt. We want to sell our house and buy another one but can't until we remove some debt. My children know that they will have to use student loans and grants for their college expenses. We have zero savings and I feel our debt and creating a savings should be more important than financing her college expenses - her tuition is paid for by a scholarship she won through MY employer. SD does live with us when she is home from college.
I would have a sit down with
I would have a sit down with DH and explain to him that you're not comfortable with the financial situation. Make a budget out that doesn't factor in SD's expenses until after you factor in a debt pay down strategy and some kind of at minimum emergency fund (two to three months expenses). Not having ANY savings and a lot of debt would be very, very scary for me.
I would recommend SD get a job if she wants to live off campus. Is she going to school out of town? If not, would you be willing to have her move back home to save expenses?
SD is going out of school 2
SD is going out of school 2 hours away. We did make her get a job to pay for any eating out, movies, that type of expense - we are down to paying the necessity stuff - groceries, gas, repairs, rent, utilities, but that still adds up. We did recently make her start buying her own groceries - I honestly think she was buying gift cards at wal-mart and using them for her eating out & "fun" expenses but putting it on our credit card. Not to mention the 7 trips to wal-mart per week when we had requested receipts and for her to make a list and go once a week to cut down on spur of the moment buying. She grew up with her dad making shopping lists so she should be used to that.
I'd still work out a budget.
I'd still work out a budget. Figure out places you can reduce expenses so that he can finance SD if it's so important to. You can cut back on groceries, cable, lots of things. Maybe if it gets to the point that all of the reduction is uncomfortable for him, he'll take another look at what he's forking over to his daughter. It's all about priorities. But you should be squirreling away something - even if just for emergencies so your debt doesn't grow.