My DH had to pay SD to come to see him or have dinner with his family. You're not alone. I'm sad to see DH hurt but nothing I can do. I can't fight his battle for him and I won't because I will not win no matter what so why bother. Only thing you can do is be there for him and take care of yourself and the loves one. Big hug.

A.

I'm sure my SD24 would come over a lot more if DH would give her money or pay her bills. He doesn't, so is not worth the drive over, apparently. Fine by me. They do talk on the phone pretty often so I guess that's something.

I understand your DH being sad about it, but his daughter should WANT to be in his life and want her baby to know him, not just come over for money. She is 20 so she may grow up eventually and realize the relationship is about more than handouts. One can hope.

DH & I were also in a pay-per-view relationship with one of his daughters. And the more we gave, the more she wanted. It's a terrible feeling knowing that your only value to a close family member is monetary. We allowed the exploitation to continue for far too long, because we love/loved our gskids.

I am glad to hear that your DH closed the purse strings. Adult children, steps or not, need to learn that Mom and Dad are not their personal ATM for whatever they want.

It is blackmail if she holds him seeing his grandchild because he won't pony up for her and he needs to look at it like that, but, being human, that is hard to do. As others here have said, she will be back. They never seem to go away.

You are definitely not alone. SD23 hasn't shined around since February when DH paid off one of her credit cards. Heck, she still has unopened birthday cards here from March. She didn't call her dad for father's day, either. Then to add insult to injury, a week later she calls him to go for lunch, and then doesn't call or show up... tells her dad she forgot that she had to work. Gotta love facebook, because she posted out to lunch with her friends. This week she called asking for him to co-sign a student loan. She was supposed to graduate in May 2014, then in Dec. 2014-- he gave money for those classes, too, then in May 2015. She sings a sad song of how she failed one semester.... Ah?? No, try at least three. He said no to the money, and gave her the riot act about not being part of the family unless she wants money. Yay!! A first.

Tomorrow she wants to go out for lunch with just DH and discuss 'things'. Read: she spent all week plotting her manipulating talk-off. I told him that any conversation she has with him will include me as well. Lunch will be tuna sandwiches served at our dining table. No check books. And no lies.

The discussion will be centered on what she is going to do to become self-sufficient. The only money spent will be on her getting some long overdue therapy-- and those bills will be paid directly to the Dr. This is the same deal we gave my oldest bio-daughter.

SMH.

my skids play their father like a violin. whenever they want something they get all mushy and butter him up and out comes the wallet. for that matter the in laws dont have a scent they saved having gone on expensive vacations they could not afford. they also come begging for money. then dh gets mad at me. everyone likes a scapegoat and that is me. luckily i dont listen to my husbands rants about his dirt poor parents and begging kids.

My husband's 30 year old married son is an authorized user on his credit card. This was left over from when he was younger and in case of emergencies and my husband hadn't bothered to take him off. A few weeks ago, he called his father to give him a heads up that he used his Dad's credit card to charge his $1,700 tuition bill and that he would pay it off over the next few months, despite the fact that this card needs to be paid off monthly. Unbelievable! I think he's hoping that Dad just forgives the charge and pays it himself. When I suggested he remove his son from the card, he said he would so we didn't have to have this conversation with me again about his son "helping himself to our money". He made me feel like I was the bad guy! Meanwhile, his kids seldom bother with him unless they need something. This was a perfect example.

My husband's 30 year old married son is an authorized user on his credit card. This was left over from when he was younger and in case of emergencies and my husband hadn't bothered to take him off. A few weeks ago, he called his father to give him a heads up that he used his Dad's credit card to charge his $1,700 tuition bill and that he would pay it off over the next few months, despite the fact that this card needs to be paid off monthly. Unbelievable! I think he's hoping that Dad just forgives the charge and pays it himself. When I suggested he remove his son from the card, he said he would so we didn't have to have this conversation with me again about his son "helping himself to our money". He made me feel like I was the bad guy! Meanwhile, his kids seldom bother with him unless they need something. This was a perfect example.

Oh yes, you are not alone. I should have kept a journal over the years. The skids always have their hands out for money. The oldest one has now moved to another state and she gets DH all excited when she is coming to town with Oh daddy I can't wait to see you, I love you blah, blah, blah and then she hangs out with her BM and her friends and he may not see her at all or he may see her and his grandbaby for all of 15 minutes. The only time that he is guaranteed to see them is if there is a gift or money here for them. Then they can find the time to see dear old Dad. Oh and the other thing is that she wants Dad to meet her and her siblings without me for dinner at a restaurant and guess who would be picking up the tab? I think he caught on to that one! LOL

I like that suggestion, Sandye21! I hate to compare my adult kids to his adult kids, but mine never ask for anything. They're adults and take care of themselves.

In my situation, the SKIDS come first when it comes to money wise.. Example, last christmas, we were low on money and we had the discussion in front of his kids and I made a point that we would all be getting less expensive gifts. So for Christmas oldest SS said well I want a PS4 and the other one said well I just want a computer... My daughter got a winter coat and some little things, I got pajamas and a music box and my sons got sweat shirts... His kids, got the PS4 and computer... hmmm but they are not money hungry. Also when it comes to vacation time, they come for a visit because we plan to go places. Last year it was graceland, well one the one with a wife came, and guess who paid for everything... Yup we did. I have no sympathy for SKIDS anymore, I used to feel bad for them, and for some in bad situations I do, but these ones.... NOPE!!!