American Idle
No, not American Idol. I am talking about American Idle, the new class of adult children that resist work or anything resembling work, have no plans for the future, think of no one but themselves, and think that we parents have no choice but to house and pay for them for the rest of their lives.
After reading so many accounts of American Idle on these boards, I want to know how other parents and step-parents have handled their own Idles.
Take, for example, my SD18. She has a 10th grade education and squeaked a GED. She came home a year ago from rehab and has lost 5 jobs since then. Her father bought her a car, but it took her a year to get off her butt to get a license--failed two times. Now she's been out of work for two months, and regularly sleeps in till 4pm, then goes out all night. She has no plans for college or a career. She's been telling us that she's "looking" for a job, but that's crap. When she is pushed, she complains that she's sick, depressed, and/or will become a stripper.
SD18 does nothing around the house and has nothing to do with the rest of our family. Recently we (DH, BD11, and I) went away for the weekend, and SD18 bitterly complained that there are "two families" living in our house, and that she should go along with us (all expenses paid, of course). We refused. We agreed with her that there are two families on the house--the family where everyone works hard and gets good grades, and the one person who just loafs. DH and I told her that when she starts to achieve and show some self respect, we'll consider taking her along on our trips. Until then, forget about it.
While we were gone we had someone come to the house to care for the animals--SD18 won't lift a finger even for the dogs and cats.
Honestly, I am sick of living with American Idle SD18. Even BD11 thinks she's a loser and has promised me that "I'll never end up like HER!"
I am so perplexed about how many of our teens have morphed into Idles. What have the rest of you done to either change their ways or remove these leeches from your life?
They are all going to be stars...
I have heard SD18 say that she's planning to be a "star." I honestly wonder if she is so deluded that she actually believes what she is saying.
Forget working toward a goal--taking classes to act or sing, perhaps. Nope. She plans to achieve her goal by doing absolutely nothing at all. Won't even get out of bed. Now there's talent for you!
Entitlement
It makes me crazy. Even that movie "Failure to Launch" didn't quite get it. My SD is slowly getting over it, but even my DH has it to some extent! My SD graduated HS, and moved in with her mom, where she was pretty sure she wouldn't have to do anything. And so she didn't - for 2 years! Now, I think my SD was somewhat crippled by her martian mom and her dad (yes, my dh) who wanted to be her white knight! Martian mom has a pretty good idea that the world owes her, and spent the two years SD was living with her trying to get money out of us. Well, um, no. When SD got preggo and the martian effectively kicked her out, we had some rules. I am and continue to be the ogre and the bbb. That entitlement still rears its ugly head on a regular basis - and white knight wants to keep it there. But, I've said to DH - she must stand on her own two feet - do you want her to be a cripple? And - no you can't have that because we are out of cash. So - that is slowly working. She is realizing that she DOES have to contribute, and work. But - here is something really odd - she still "honors" the baby's dad's right for a free ride. It is SO strange - the martian puts him up at her house, and SD doesn't want to demand he contibute CS, because it would be so hard for him right now, because you know he doesn't have a job, or a GED, or a license, or a working car.... I SO don't get it - why is she putting up with this crap?