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My effing wonderful evening with Skids <sarcasm>

stepmomsoon's picture

Ok, maybe I am PMSing and being a bitch - please feel free to tell me so..

Last night, skids and DH are in the great room.. TV is on, but paused, DH is on phone, skids are on iPads (which they go to as soon as their PS3 time is up - Grrrrr).. remote is on the ottoman on the other side of the room.. so when I go in I pick it up and unpause the TV to see what's on.. (after DH gets off the phone of course).. My daughter comes in and we are flipping channels and looking at the guide to see whats on.. as soon as we settle on a show, SK12 jumps up from his chair and comes over and sits ON DH and says "Daddy do something with us".. meaning him and his brother.. (not us as a family).. I want to call him out, but I don't. DH says something like "dude, it's 8:00 we are winding down and watching TV - you go to bed soon - lets just chill." Then SK12 yells (in a hateful tone) "we were going to watch American Idol and SHE came in and took the remote - if THEY want to watch TV, THEY need to go in the other room." In my mind I am screaming WTF you little Ahole???

Seriously.. first the "daddy entertain me" then this..? I say "wait a second, I have been in here for like 5 mins and you didn't say anything about watching American Idol. I had no idea you wanted to watch that and we can all watch that together because it's a show we all like.." He yells, "well you took the remote and changed it." I tell him "you could have said something nicely - how was I supposed to know?" He was shitty and mean.. luckily DH got on him about his tone and how he was talking to me, but DAMN.. really? This "WE" and "THEY" crap..? sounds more like us agains them.

So, we watch American Idol.. it's getting close to bedtime and usually we send them up to get ready around 8:45 - so SK12 says "can we finish it?" DH and I agree, but say "after it's over go right upstairs, brush your teeth and get in bed." As soon as it ends, my daughter and SK14 go upstairs.. SK12 sits on the couch.. DH has already gone up.. Sk12 is screwing around on his iPad.. I say "up to bed".. he still is on his iPad.. I repeat this.. with a little more emphasis.. he pulls out his friggen cell phone and calls his mom (he never calls his mom to say goodnight - EVER - and he already talked to her earlier that day).. and proceeds to slowly walk up the stairs as he is chatting with his mom..

deep breaths.. deep breaths.. Lord give me the strenght..

Ok, let me ask you guys.. am I reading way too much into this? Or am I seeing a deliberate attempt to seperate and then when that didn't work defy to try to cause drama...

Anon2009's picture

Many kids want one on one time with each parent and they should be able to have that.

""Daddy do something with us".. meaning him and his brother.. (not us as a family).."

They may never view you or your daughter as family. That's ok. The most realistic thing any stepfamily member can hope for is that we all find a way to peacefully co-exist. Do you view them as family, or expect your daughter to?

Your SK could have said that to try to convey to their dad that they are jealous that you and your DD get to live with THEIR dad full time and they only get to visit him, and they just don't know how to properly vocalize it.

Dad needs to take the lead on telling them to do things when they are with you, and enforce the rule that they do not have to love or like you or your DD, but must treat you both with respect.

Google "Wednesday Martin." You will read on her site and many others that it takes years for stepfamilies to blend. Some never do. But those sites will give you good ideas on how to, along with DH, find ways to help everyone peacefully co-exist.

stepmomsoon's picture

Oh, they get tons of one on one time with their dad - so I doubt that is the entire issue.

Yes, I do view them as family and always refer to them as "family" - my daughter LOVES her step brothers.. absolutely adores them and tries to include them in everything. Sadly, it is not a two way street.

He was fine with the three of them doing seperate things in the same room until "WE" came in..

Read that book.. practically have it memorized. I don't expect them to adore me.. just can they please not treat me and my daughter like dog shit.

kathc's picture

Yes, the little snot was attempting to divide and conquer. He tried making you out to be the bad guy. I'm glad your DH didn't stand for it.

stepmomsoon's picture

I thought so.. but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

DH didn't stand for it, but he didn't call him on the carpet, like he needed to. Seriously, call his ass out and tell it like it is.. you tried to pull just me, you and your brother away.. then when you didn't get that, you tried to make her the bad guy because she cahnged the channel...

I mean, WTH.. that's the only way to get this under control, right? Or is there a better way?

stepmomsoon's picture

Yea, it's usually my daughter in her room. the ss's in the main living room killing random people on some slaughter video game, me doing some form of house work and DH watching TV in the great room.

Then, when their killing people time is over, they come take over the great room. My daughter is usually the odd man out and I have to do stuff with her because even though her and ss12 are a year apart, he ignores her and won't include her in anything.

Yes, it is his job - I agree 100%..

Willow2010's picture

UGH…When we all moved in together…it was made very clear to ALL kids. The TV in the living room (great room) belongs to the adults.

I am amazed that your DH let that kid talk to you like that. He should have shut it down as soon as kid complained about you watching your TV in your own home in your own great room.

I do give DH credit for one thing on parenting. SS may have gotten cocky with me one time and DH shut it down right then. As annoying as SS was…he was always respectful of me. Not DH, but me.

stepmomsoon's picture

I wanted to do that as well.. great room tv is the adults and we get dibs on it. They have a 50 inch TV and a PS3 in the other room.

DH did shut him down, but neglected to call him out on it.

Purplemom's picture

Why was he allowed to act like that and then watch tv? His ass should have been sent to bed then!

hismineandours's picture

I agree it was a deliberate attempt to separate. I also would have had a huge problem being referred to as "she" and "they". Why is this kid trying to dictate where you and your dd are watching tv? Personally I would have jumped on him ASAP. No child will tell me I need to go in another room to watch tv. I probably would have sent him to bed. I think your dh really needs to emphasize the structure of your household and if I were you I wouldn't have tried so hard to defend myself. You may change the channel anytime you like. It doesn't matter what he is watching or is thinking about watching (personally I've never understood why some parents let their kids take over the tv- it's cool to share but apparently this kid actually thinks he's in charge).

He was being extremely manipulative IMO and your dh should have seriously called him out on his disrespect toward you and your dd. I would do it myself if you are not capable. If kid can't get the point I might be tempted to do a demonstration. Find an opportunity to whine loudly to dh about "him" and state he needs to go in another room while dh spends time with you and dd. some kids just don't get it thru talking and you may need to show him what he's doing. Afterwards I would explain what you were attempting to explain.