Adult step daughters
Hi, I have just gotten married after a five year dating relationship. I have three adult daughters; 24, 20 and 19. My husband has two adult daughters; 22 and 20. His 22 yr old hasn't spoken to him since she was 12 so she has never been an issue, but the 22 year old and my girls are really an issue. I am lost on what exactly to expect from him in terms of rules and guidelines, etc...We both now have resentment and issues between us because of the children. I went from "she won't speak to you because she's just shy and that way, be patient." To " Well I don't see you trying to have a relationship with her" to " I don't see what the problem is, she's going off to college now and a non-issue". My girls get along great with him and they have an ongoing relationship, laughter, arguments, advice, activities etc...But his daughter won't speak to any of us and certainly won't particpate in anything whatsoever. When I say she won't speak to me I mean I have never heard her say my name once. If he is around and I ask her something I may get a one word answer. She just went away to college and he says its' a non-issue. He chooses to ignore the whole thing and won't discuss anything with her. I think its largely out of fear that she will stop speaking to him. She has done it before for 6 mos or more at a time and it kills him. I feel like he should make her be polite, invite her to things, include all of us in events, talk to her about it, etc...Since we got married a couple months ago the situation has escalated now where he regularly bashes my girls. This gets old really quickly ecspecially since anything with his daughter is completely off limits. It seems in a way that he is on one hand resentful of my open and regular steady relationship with all of my girls and so now he is wanting to sort of 'compete'. He says things like 'well at least my daughter doesn't do such and such' , etc...The things he bashes my daughters about are personal things too, like things that don't really have anything to do with him or affect him at all. He bashes them for their choices in boyfriends, schooling, jobs, etc...relentlessly. And all of this behind their backs and I'm just supposed to listen to him be hateful and agree or whatever and let him beat a dead horse and go on and on and on about them and how imperfect they are. What is this and what the hell am I supposed to do about it? Recently he went out of state to visit his mother and we were supposed to go (not my kids, just me and his daughter) and at the last minute I was uninvited. I thought at first, well better off, tension is high when one of the people in the car won't speak to another. I personally allmost hate her now. But he won't discuss her or her life or giving her money, etc...with me at all. He is secretive. What should I do? I'm going crazy and getting so hateful and resentful now. I can't sleep at night! Anyone? Ideas?