At 27 I divorced my first husband. It was not my decision, but I took it as a new beginning and I made sure to work my behind off to be somebody. I vowed to never depend on a man before that or after. I worked 12hr days, saved money, paid everything on time, had perfect credit, etc...even though my ex tried to steal from me, I was proactive and protected myself.

Here I am at 43 living with a 40yr old who has yet to take any responsibility for his poor choices in life. I used to handle all the bills in our home when I worked. I went from making 7USD an hour when I divorced to making 40USD an hour, having my own home, no debt, etc...all because of ME. Of course, DH thought I was rich and he was the poor soul whose ex messed up his life. He happily gave my money away. He happily lived the good life. We had a child together and I did not mind greatly what I spent on my family, but greatly resented what he spent on his pathetic ex-family and his mother, nieces, etc...

For the past 2 1/2 yrs I have had no job. I had little choice as I could not find any daycare to take my son during the summer months or while school was out that I could afford. DH agreed that he would do whatever it took to be a man and provide for us. For at least 2 yrs I supplemented our household income with what remained of MY savings. It's now all gone.

Once I had no job, DH always claimed that I thought it was all my money and that it was not fair and that I didn't trust him with money. I gave my all and decided to let him handle the money. He has literally ruined us! Although I have attempted to help and teach him many times how to manage a budget, he has claimed he would do it and never does...then when we have no money a week before payday, he says "he's trying"...

I never said anything to my parents. On the other hand, I know that DH has told his parents about us having problems, etc...since day 1! I have always tried to keep my family out of it...making them think he was a great husband that supported his family financially, etc...

My mother came to visit us. She's been here 3 weeks now. She has paid for EVERYTHING for us, including groceries, dinner out, etc...Last night when once again I asked my DH if he checked on our tax refund that is sitting at the local tax office (sent last year to his mother's and she returned it to the tax office instead of contacting DH!), if he checked on the grades for his pathetic loser daughter (who continues to fail school while we pay an arm and a leg in CS), etc...and that I was tired of waiting for my son to resume his much needed private speech therapy, DH decided to say to me "if you had a job, then maybe you could help out!" WTF!!!

You know, I found a couple of online businesses...they don't pay much at first, but they are legit. I literally sometimes do not sleep in a 48hr period because I spend 16hrs or more a day on the computer trying to make some money, while still being able to stay at home with our son. I cannot afford a private school where we live, and public schools here are a nightmare! Kids fight at 5yrs of age, teachers don't show up to class and let kids leave the school, etc...I cannot afford to put my son's life in jeopardy to get a job. I also have no car, so if I did put him in school, there would be nobody to take him or pick him up.

Today my mother wanted us all to go out. I told her no. I told DH before I told her that I would no longer allow my family to pay anything for us. His family has only taken from us and never helped us. He has NEVER ONCE told them off or tried to get our money back. He is nice as can be and gladly takes my family's help. He decided to tell my mother that I did not want to go out with her because I felt bad about her paying our way. My mom was upset. She thought it was HER fault. I told her the truth! The SH#$%$T hit the fan. My mother was calm and told us she'd stay at a friend's house for us to work out our issues. I am so upset and angry right now. DH on the other hand has done NOTHING since he woke up. I have told him why I am upset, that he doesn't take our finances seriously...that we are in a rented apartment and in 5mos will need to be out and right now we have no way of getting out and he has done NOTHING to start preparing or saving or anything...to figure out a way for us to move ahead. He claims I won't let him! His idea? After working 10yrs in a company that has a pension, he applied for some little sales job with a no-name company back in Texas...WTH is that? Yes, my family is there, I could get a job there...and if this crappy job doesn't work out, guess whose shoulders the burden will fall on again? Me and if I can't do it, my parents.

I was NOT raised this way. Even when I divorced and made 8USD an hour I took NOTHING from my parents. I worked twice as many hours and saved twice as much to do it on my own.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him dearly and he has a great heart. Our son loves him dearly. But I just see that my life is just wasting away while he plays the constant victim and does nothing but go to work everyday...no planning, no thinking ahead, no trying to figure out how to get CS lowered, NOTHING!

Thanks for letting me vent...and sorry this is so long.