Do I Have a Right....
Hello, I'm new to the forum. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I'm 48, and felt I had finally met my MATCH, my soulmate, even. I've never had such strong feelings for anyone before, or such common thoughts and attitudes.
THEN, I met his children. He has four kids, 17, 20, 23 and 26. I have absolutely no problem with the youngest and the oldest. The two middle children are a huge problem. And it's probably not even fair to say that THEY are the problem. It's the way they are "coddled" and spoiled - I've never seen anything like it before in my life! It is making me question any kind of future I might possibly have with my dream man. I'm so afraid that they will NEVER grow up and leave the nest, and that I/we will be stuck with them forever.
They are two of the most immature people I've ever seen. The 20 year old son lives with his mom, doesn't drive yet (his mom actually drops him off at college every day). When he is at his dad's, all he does is play Xbox and watch videos all day. He has a sort of unnerving interest in guns that his dad kind of promotes, as it is their only common interest. My relationship with him is okay, we talk about music and movies, and he is respectful most times.
The 23 year old daughter has just graduated with an RN degree, which her dad paid for, including her rent in an expensive college-town, the lease ending at the end of September. He gave her a car that is newer/better than mine and she has already basically asked him if she could move in with him at the end of September when her lease is up if she doesn't find a job by then. The problem with that is, SHE HASN'T EVEN BEEN LOOKING! For that matter, she needs to take her nursing accreditation tests and keeps putting them off. My relationship with her is not good. She won't speak to me unless I speak directly to her, and she is the most ungrateful girl I've ever seen.
I have such resentment as I have worked HARD for everything I've ever had in life, and feel I am the better for it. I was taught to treat all with respect, and that hard work is the best tool. These kids are handed everything on a silver platter, and are very "behind" in social situations. They are afraid to do simple things on their own, such as filling out job applications and talking to people.
My question is, do I have a "right" to talk to my b/f (who has discussed us having a future together), or is it really none of my business how he raises his kids. And if I don't have the right, how can I watch these behaviors and not go absolutely bonkers! Does anyone have any exercises that would help me calm my blood pressure as he is doling out money to these useless kids, who show up every other weekend wanting to "work" for money (doing lawn work, vacuuming, etc), and then do a crappy job, or not finish it at all?
I'm so frustrated, and afraid I'm going to lose this wonderful man as the resentment and jealousy I am consumed with is soooo overpowering. Please help?