I just joined this forum yesterday and have been hesitating to post my story. I am 45, DH is 50. We have been married for 4 years and together for five years. This is his 3rd marriage; my 2nd. I have BD 26, BD 23, BD 20 (mother of GS 16 months), BS 17, and BS 16. Skids were adults when we met- now I have SD 29, SS 28, SS 27, and SD 25. Both of DH's prior marriages ended due to the wife's repeated infidelity (BM1 had child with OM while their son was an infant). OSD does not interact with us at all- thinks she is too high and mighty. OSS lives farther north and has his own life. YSS keeps getting in trouble and never learns because BM2 keeps coddling and enabling him. YSD can alternate between civil and nasty, but last month her behavior took the cake.
Because her father and I did not do her bidding and go to the psych hospital with her and her mom to visit her brother (he was a day away from discharge- DH was uncomfortable riding with BM2 and was preparing to begin new job), she unleashed some very evil behavior.
My YBD and her son, who had been living with baby's great aunt and 1st cousins 1x removed, were lodging with SD and unknownst to me at first, BM2. Oh joy. Not. First, I have to give a little back story on YBD. I had required my daughter to move out at 18 over refusal to follow household rules on chores. Regret that deeply now. She had a boyfriend that she had been seeing for 11 months- they graduated together. The first family she lived with used her name with her consent to get gas in apartment then defaulted on the bill. She told me she was pregnant 2 months later. DH and I were emotionally supportive. She delivered son my emergency C-section at 35 weeks- it was a life or death situation because of placenta sheering off. While she was in the hospital, lady she was staying in became pissy and the BF's mom offered to take her and baby in. It seemed to work at first. BF had a decent full time job with a good company.Then I found that her BF cheated on her with his ex-Gf whom he allowed to keep hitting him up on Facebook. Then BF broke up with her- during which time she was hospitalized for postpartum depression. The BF's mom's friend to argue that she was not depressed, but I have a B.A. in Psychology and know that clinical depression is not just being teary- it is despair, lack of motivation, isolation, loss of pleasure in life, hopelessness about the future, and extremes in eating and sleeping. Daughter was given medication and found a good therapist after the first one flopped. Daughter and baby's dad reconciled briefly, but broke up again. In April, the BF lost his job and did nothing to get another. Toward the end, she was working only part time for minimum wage and baby's paternal grandmother was demanding $150 per week for room and board, leaving her almost nothing for her baby's needs or her own. She was denounced as lazy for not cleaning the house when she was the only one in the house working. I begged landlord to let her move back in with the baby in May, but my request was denied. The baby's GA took her out of the environment and then moved her and my GS to their house. GA and I are friendly. Sadly, she and her hubby could not keep them there indefinitely, and that is when YSD offered to take them in. I was hoping this would be good for the young ladies' relationship and that they would be able to help one another. SD has a son age 4 and is expecting a second son in March.

What did YSD do when DH refused her demand?
1. Forced my YBD and GS to accompany her and her mom to the psych hospital because "we don't trust anyone in the house."

2. Started a hullabaloo over nothing. Out of nowhere the next day, she said to my daughter, "You never told me your mom kicked you out for smoking and staying out late." Daughter called me in tears about this. It was patently untrue- fabricated by my vindictive SD to target and hurt my daughter for DH's refusal to dance to her tune. SD also texted me with the accusation, which I refuted. She said I was a liar and that she hated liars. I told her that she was the liar. "I'm a woman- I don't lie." There DH I were in JC Penney buying his work clothes on Labor Day, and dealing with this chaos. BD kept calling me crying. SD kept sending vicious texts through both of her FB accounts. She told me she was sorry her dad had ever married me and hoped her dad cheated on me. That she wished I would die. She told her dad, "I hope you cheat on her, Dad. I hope you meet a nice woman at work. Sorry- Dad- I love you. You deserve better." She was on phone with her dad while my daughter was on phone with me. Playing fake nicey nice to her dad, pretending she was going to behave herself, yet there I was a few feet away hearing her scream at my daughter, who was an emotional wreck.

3. Would not allow my daughter to give her baby a bath when she came home from work that Tuesday evening because "my mom does not like to use the tub after someone else has been in it. Her son had mac & cheese all over his face, hair (curly, so imagine), and shirt (he hates bibs or anything around his neck). I told daughter that if it were me I would march toward the bathroom with my child and dare them to stop me.

4. Allowed her 4 y.o son to hit daughter's baby and yank toys out of his hands with no discipline whatsoever. He is mean to their toy Pomeranian, too. She wants him to be a bully, IMO.

5. Told my husband that I was a dog and smelled- I am very clean, thank you.

6. Send a vitriolic text to daughter bc daughter did not fold a blanket before leaving for work at 6 a.m.! My daughter was holding two jobs (one FT position in nursing home now) and SD sits on her rear collecting disability.

7. Complained to my DH that daughter did not feed baby and let him scream- truth was that he was awake at 6 a.m. and she was due to leave for work- he was scheduled to eat at 7. Daughter said he was not crying when she departed.

I could not let this pass. I called the baby's aunt, who called my former FIL. My kids all call him Grandpa, even the ones who did not come from my marriage to his son. He is a decent fellow. The baby's uncle asked him to get my daughter and her baby out of that house because he did not want his wife in that rough neighborhood. He got them out of there within 48 hours. My daughter then told me that her stepsister's mom- who is remarried to a Haitian citizen (he is supposedly tied up with immigration red tape and can't get a green card- and not sure if she told Social Security she remarried because that would end her eligibility to collect on my husband's record if he dies) had men coming in and out of the apartment at all hours. Prescription pills were being sold. SD and BM2 were always yelling at each other. SD was illegally buying Food Stamps. Glad my BD and GS are out of there- if that house gets raided, all adults get arrested and CPS takes the kids.
SD had conceived baby #2 on purpose- picked a man who had a job, had unprotected sex enough times to conceive, and then broke up with the man with the excuse that she was not sure who the dad was. Hmm.. does she know how bad she is making herself look? She told my daughter she does not want her son to have a father. That is her irresponsible choice, and I will be damned if DH and I are going to foot the bill for it!
She told her dad she was angry that I was always around. That if he was any kind of dad, he would worry about his kids, not me- never mind that they are all adults. She gets mad when he refuses to bail YSS out of jail because "mom should not have to pay all the time- and we're your kids, so you have to help us!" "Since you married SM, I am not getting $50 for birthdays anymore. You always gave me money" No, because DH is on fixed income and is trying to be fair to both sets of kids/ grandkids, and her birthday falls in same month as my older son, 17 and my SGD, 4.
Before YSS went to hospital for self-harm, SD ranted at D that he needed to help her brother. We pointed out that he was 27- SD said he had the mind of a 14 year old. So she expects her dad to bail them out and coddle them forever? She gave DH her mom's number to call regarding her brother- he caved in. I am sure SD was gloating. That led to BM2 calling him constantly and texting every day. She played the I don't know what to do card- leaning on MY husband to advise her. Some of these calls lasted over an hour and I was livid. If he did not pick up immediately, she kept ringing until he did. It was extremely disruptive, and I resented her stealing his time, attention and energy- but even more deeply I resented DH for allowing it! His son is grown and there is no reason to talk to his ex. She can vent to her husband. He snapped to his senses last week when she texted him asking if she could lend him $25, but she did not want anyone else to know and did not want it done in public. What the actual freaking hell does that sound like to you? He blocked her phone number.

I am still floored that my SD could hate me so deeply as to extend that hatred to my daughter and her innocent son. It took the baby, whom I'll call Henry (not his real name), several hours at the aunt's house to realize that he was safe. DH thinks SD was only acting that way because of her mom, but I call bullcrap. She is a grown ass woman and 100% responsible for her behavior. DH told SD she needs to respect me, but good luck with that. He says I need to forgive her- fine, though it has been a struggle. But I told DH I am done. He can communicate with her, but I am disengaging entirely and want nothing to do with her. She has never once apologized for disrespecting me or hurting my daughter. Or endangering my grandson.

Please, I know this is a long story, but needed to talk and get feedback.