have you ever heard this one...
I'm new here. This is my first post in the forum so if I seem to babble on I'm sorry. I've been married to DH for 10 and 1/2 years together for 11 1/2. He has two daughters and I have a son. His ex is a manipulative witch and here is just one reason I can't stand her. She gave her child that she had with her new husband my husband's last name. Yep you read that right. Let me back up a little. When my husband and I went to get our marriage license we were informed that his divorce from his first wife was never finalized because they never filed the final paperwork. That meant that the man she had married months before in Vegas wasn't a legal marriage, but I suppose that's besides the point. She has this new baby with new husband and one day he picks up the girls for their weekend visit and the oldest asks if her baby sister is coming over too and he explains that no she won't be coming over because he is not her father and SD then asks why does she have our last name. Turns out she saw a prescription bottle with the new baby's name with my husbands last name. He calls ex-wife to find out what the heck SD is talking about ex-wife says she hyphenated new baby's name with new husband and my husbands name. Well that relationship doesn't last and that man rarely sees his child Fast forward to two weeks ago when we take youngest SD out for her birthday dinner and the conversation turns to how her baby sister's (now in 4th or 5th grade) teacher had asked baby sister if she had an older sister. I said so she's still using your dad's last name. She said yes and I lost it. I just blurted out how ridiculous that was. She was so offended. She said, "that's so mean" and I said really because I don't think it is. She is not your father's child so why in the world would your mom want to use your dad's name. I don't even think her name is hyphenated any more. I think once this kid is old enough to realize what her mother did she is going to be upset that she has some mans name that she has no ties to. Am I wrong? Anybody else ever have to deal with something like this?
I have also seen this. It is
I have also seen this. It is much easier when everyone has the same last name. When BM married your DH, his name became her name. She had that name for over a decade. So she gave her new baby her last name, the same as her sister. I actually don't think it's weird.
Oh that's a good idea. And
Oh that's a good idea. And for the record I felt horrible after dinner. I was going to apologize to SD but then I thought to myself she's 18 now and if I'm not happy about something I should be able to express my feelings.
I get that it's easier to
I get that it's easier to have all kids have the same name as the mother but it doesn't make it right. My mother had four kids two from her first husband two with her 2nd and our last names were the same as our fathers. It sucked explaining to people that yes, my sister was my sister even though we had different last names. I was married to my sons father and kept his name after the divorce because it was easy, but I changed it when I got married. I just can't believe her husband at the time agreed to it. Maybe it's why they aren't together now. LOL.
I completely understand why
I completely understand why you're upset. I can't believe the baby's father is OK with this. I know my DH would be livid if I considered giving our child my ex's last name.
I understand she wants all her kids to have the same last name but it's so wrong.
Is there nothing to be done? Can't petition family court over this? If I were your DH I'd at least try.
I missed the part about BM
I missed the part about BM and her husband splitting.
I would contact him. Maybe he's willing to try to fix this? But then again, if he's not being an active part in the baby's life, maybe not.
because he couldn't refuse.
because he couldn't refuse. Most likely, he wasn't there when mom delivered and SHE is the one who filled out the birth certificate.
Yes, we are kind of on the
Yes, we are kind of on the opposite side of this. SS has BM's ex's last name and not DH's. (DH and BM were never married). She did it so that SS would have the same last name as her older kids. It really bothers DH that his son doesn't have his last name.
it's even worse when it's a
it's even worse when it's a son. That is so wrong. Did she at least hyphenate it? Isn't there something your husband can do? Maybe have the birth certificate amended.
She didn't hyphenate it. :/
She didn't hyphenate it. :/ It's something we're going to leave alone for now until SS is a bit older (he's 8 ). I feel like he will eventually inquire about it once he realizes most kids have their dad's last name.
He can go to court to have
He can go to court to have his son's last name changed to his.
Our understanding is that
Our understanding is that because BM has legal custody of SS, she would have to agree to it.
My sister has legal custody
My sister has legal custody of my niece and the dad took my sister to court to have niece's last name changed from my sister's to his. And won.
It would be one thing if it
It would be one thing if it was her maiden name, but it is her ex-husband's last name (who she was with prior to DH). So it's just a little awkward.
I get that she can do what she wants. I was just offering the OP the perspective of being on the other side of the situation.
It pisses me off but I don't
It pisses me off but I don't lose sleep over it. He may have given her his name when they married but when they divorced (by her choosing) she had the right to change her name back she chose to keep it because of her kids I get that but that new baby getting husbands name shouldn't be her right to give. Just my opinion.
I honestly can't remember the
I honestly can't remember the timeline. Technically I believe she was in a marriage with the dad, but because that final paper work wasn't filed, legally she was still married to my husband. I pulled an informational copy of the birth certificate and my husband isn't on it so I think we're good.
oh I hadn't even thought of
oh I hadn't even thought of that. that would really get her mad. I love it!!
I'm really surprised that the
I'm really surprised that the child's real father is okay with this. If typical gender roles were reversed and it was common for men to take their wife's last name, this would be the equivalent of my DD having BM's last name......and I would not be okay with that.
I agree with you that it's pretty weird and I understand why you're upset by it.
BM is an idiot. It's so sad
BM is an idiot. It's so sad when kids are used or thrown into silly sh*t like this.
I do understand the 18 year
I do understand the 18 year old getting upset. To her it's her sister, not some stranger and she loves her I'm sure.
I went to school with a girl who's mother changed her last name every time she remarried and that was 3 times by the time we reached HS. I have no idea where her father was and I don't know if he resented it or not. She was an only child and looking back now far too enmeshed with her mother. I can only imagine what went on inside their house and why her mother went through so many marriages.
I remember being in the office in grade 5 or 6 and overhearing the principle, vice and secretary talking about how stupid it was and wondering how it was going to affect my friend.
By the time we were in HS she was the odd man out, and people made fun of her and asked her if she knew what her name was today. I was still her friend but probably not as good a friend as I could have been.
The Girhippo actually told SD
The Girhippo actually told SD when she was 7 yrs old that everyone with the same last name is "blood" relations Of course meaning to exclude me and include her when she was holding onto Chef's name with a mindless verocity way after the divorce and while engaged to stepdaddybigbucks. Talk about confusing a skid with some sort of veiled incestual innuendo.
Ironically, she also said she didn't want to "confuse" the children by assuming her maiden name eons after the divorce. Must be the skids were easily confused as my bios had different last names from my two marriages and from me (assumed maiden name asap after divorce) and somehow were never "confused."
First of all she was a
First of all she was a married woman with a new baby most sane people would give that new child the name of the father not the ex so I stand by my thought of how ridiculous it is. I do not bad mouth BM to SD. SD is an adult now and telling her that I think her sister having her fathers name is wrong well I don't see a problem with having a discussion about it. I didn't fly off the handle about it. If I would have told her my feelings when it first came to light 10 years ago, yeah I'd see your point. I thought the whole point of this forum was to have a place to vent. If BM wants to find a first wives forum and vent about me more power to her. It is my business, anything that involves my husband is my business. My reactions are mine, I can react any way I want. Nobody gets to tell me my feelings aren't justified because they are my feelings but thanks for your input.
She's trying to save face.
She's trying to save face.
This happened to a friend of
This happened to a friend of mine. He and his wife divorced; she immediately went out and got pregnant by a guy she was dating, the guy ended it and cut her out of his life. Ex wife has baby and gives it my friends last name; she justified it because she had never changed her name and her kids all had the same name. Long story short, they got back together and now my friend has 4 kids with his last name. He loves the little girl (that's not biologically his) and tells everyone she's his own.
Wacky, and thankfully not my problem.