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Adult SD

Albj1215's picture

I have been married for 11 years to a widower who had four children. I have no biological children. SD28 and I get along great and she refers to me as mom. SS24 also treats me like his mom as does SS22. The problem is SD27. I can't explain it but I get physically nauseated when it comes to her. She still is grieving for mom who she lost 13 years ago. I lost my dad at the same stage of my life and can understand where she is coming from. However, she rarely comes to visit despite living 30 minutes away.....even though she finds time to travel around the state and even to the east coast. It breaks my heart for my husband. When he was in the midst of his own battle with cancer 7 years ago, I had to bribe her to come from college 3 hours away to help for a day. She is very materialistic and even though she gets what she asks for at the holidays she will complain that the others got more. She has verbally put me "in my place" several times as a teen. DH says she was the one that their mom worried about as she was dying. However, she is the sweet "Christian" girl who is just like her mom and everyone adores. I can't express to anyone how I feel.

I did seek help from a counselor the first few years as well as med for anxiety and depression. I avoided her as much as possible. But dang it.... I don't know what to do now. Sometimes just the mere mention of her name sends me into a tailspin. I would prefer to just avoid her but I know I can't do that forever. DH is 21 years older than me and I want his life to be happy but I deserve to be happy too and not be on pins and needles.

Any help would be appreciated.....I could relay more but I feel like I am rambling.

Rags's picture

Write it off and move on with your life with DH. Be there when it breaks his heart but otherwise let it suffer it's own consequences in life. The reasonable SKids engage with and when and if they comment on why it is not tolerated in your life ..... tell them.

Albj1215's picture

Thanks so much for the input Rags...I really appreciate it. I think most of the reasonable ones get it as they know how she is.