Adult Kids Never Leaving Home
I'm not a step parent (yet). I've been dating a wonderful guy for 4 1/2 years now and feel like my life is on hold waiting for his adult sons to leave the nest. I'm tired of my life being stalled out waiting for the economy to improve and these young men to grow up.
Son #1 is 26. He has gone from wanting to go to medical school to studying to be a pharmacist to finally now dental school. He's racked up insane amounts of student loans and can't afford a place of his own.
Son #2 will be 23 in April. He's had 4 different majors. Now it's Marketing. He keeps taking unpaid internships. He says working at McDonalds or Starbucks won't look good on his resume and is beneath him. He will graduate in the spring and is now discussing going to graduate school because job offers look bleak.
Both of them treat their dad's house like it's their frat house. Their friends are always around, they do cook for themselves but it's on their schedules. They play video games and pool at all hours of the day.
I want them gone!!! My boyfriend and I started discussing moving in together over two years ago but he wanted to wait until his kids left home. They may never leave. I realize the economy is bad and it's the most difficult time in decades for recent grads to get jobs. What do you do in situations like this?
I don't particularly want to be a step mother. I do not have children. I don't want children. I don't want to deal with 23 and 26 year old kids who should be living on their own.
They will never leave. My
They will never leave. My husband's stepkids are 28 and 26 and live with us. The economy is bad, you make it easier, end of story. They don't care about their dad's happiness and they don't care about you. They never will. If you are smart, you will listen very carefully to what your husband has to say then watch what he does when YOU put in a reasonable time limit for THEM to be gone. Otherwise, another year will go by and things will be the same. Except you'll be older, sadder and wiser. I should know: against my better judgement, I let the drug taking, jobless lying son in 3 years ago and things have gone from bad to worse. If you don't see improvement/progress, I would start dating again. Yes, you heard me correctly: start dating again. You're not getting any younger and those kids have managed to get in there and do whatever the hell they want. What makes you think it will change? Your boyfriend is a procrastinator and either weak, afraid of them or feels guilty. Doesn't matter. The bottom line: if he was a take-charge man running the household, he'd run them out of there in a New York minute if he thought he was going to lose you over the deal. Perhaps you have been too patient. The kids are going to milk this for everything they can get, believe me. You cannot win except by walking away after stating the time period for them to be gone. There are no fuzzy boundaries here. After six grueling years I regret having invested in, I can unequivocally state that they will take forever to graduate, forever to find jobs and you'll be waiting forever. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't. I would be living in my own house, happily, without this dysfunctional freak show of a family. I broke my own rule and dated a guy with kids but figured since they were grown, it wouldn't be a problem. Wrong! Run while you can. Wish I had.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I suppose I'm making excuses
I suppose I'm making excuses for him but he's a good guy who wants the best for his sons and for them to get good educations so they can get a good start in life. If they didn't live with their dad, I'm not sure where they would go. His eldest son would likely have to drop out of school. The younger son I'd love to be asking people if "They'd like fries with that?" because he's so arrogant but I do understand the job market. They have their frat house but they don't do drugs. Eventually they should get jobs but it could be years...
So sad, but so true. This is
So sad, but so true. This is depressing...
We're happy with our lives
We're happy with our lives but we want to move on to what's next and determining that is. We both have careers that keeps us busy. He has a large home and he might consider downsizing but the real estate market is so poor right now.
I don't want to move in if the sons are there. It's very uncomfortable and I have to deal with things like the 22 year old getting up a 2pm on a Sunday hungover and making toaster waffles.
I'm comfortable where I'm living. We might consider moving to a place together. We discuss the future but it's been the same discussions for 2 years now. I feel like he wants to be with me and to start a life living together. I not certain if marriage is in those plans.
I suppose it's easier to keep things the way they are then to take a risk and make major changes.
I read an interesting article
I read an interesting article about this topic on the WSJ about this new "preadulthood" for young men. I didn't particularly like that the author seems to blame the rise of feminism, but essentially whereas young men would have been expected to be married, raising a family in their early/mid 20s, they're now living in their parents' basement playing video games while young women are starting careers.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405274870440900457614632172588944...