Teen is failing school. BM is no help
SS13 is failing school. He's never done well in school. He's doing even worse now.
BM blames my husband because he doesn't take his phone away, although he does limit his usage.
However, BM has recently been taking SS13 out of school for family trips. She also happens to be violating the parenting agreement in going on these trips by leaving the area overnight but not notifying us. It is becoming habitual and we anticipate that it will increase as it is currently the popular season for the area where BM takes these vacations and it is not necessarily dangerous during the pandemic.
She has also taken SS13 out of school for entire days for medical appointments when she could have scheduled him outside of the school day or only taken him during a partial day.
Does anyone have experience with the custodial or other parent allowing excessive absenteeism from school? We do not anticipate the courts being so helpful, but if it becomes something we can bring to the courts then we will.
(adjacent to the issue, an FYI: the children are in hybrid home/in-person programs during the pandemic)
What is the current custody
What is the current custody agreement? It's unlikely the court will do anything, especially during the pandemic when BM can claim they were doing their remote school while she was away - she will also muddy the water and blame DH for not doing anything about their poor grades, either (not saying he isn't, but if he has 50/50, he'll be just as much to blame).
Taking a kid out all day for a medical appointment is not uncommon and won't cause her to lose custody of the kids. This doesn't sound like true "excessive absenteeism", especially not during COVID, at least not as CPS would define it.
It is 70/30. I am not asking
It is 70/30. I am not asking if you think is excessive absenteeism, I am asking if anyone has experience with the other parent allowing it. We are looking for practical solutions since the other parent apparently does not care. Like I said I do not anticipate the courts doing anything.
10 days missing school over a year is considered a problem in our state. I think we are at 4 or 5 days this year so far. However, he is clearly failing, and taking trips when we know he is failing sounds really irresponsible to us and at least merits conversation. We are not talking about seeking to take away custody.
I have never heard of parents taking whole days out of school for routine medical appointments ever in my life. That sounds insane and irresponsible to me.
Well, good luck and be
Well, good luck and be prepared for no one to do anything no matter how "insane and irresponsible" you think it is.
Maybe your husband could set
Maybe your husband could set up a joint meeting with his son's teacher(s) and BM to discuss the boy's declining grades. During that meeting he could ask the teacher for the number of days absent (both those that have been excused and those that have not) and ask if that might be contributing to the decline in attainment. The teachers might also have some other suggestions as to ways for the parents to help their son improve his performance. Even if BM refuses to attend the meeting it would be worthwhile for your husband to talk to the school so he knows what the situation is and can get some advice as to how to try to improve the situation.
Experience here! Last year
Experience here! Last year before COVID, SD10 was experiencing truancy from school for her MANY absences during BM week. They were all recorded as "Unexcused". Even with this, the only "consequence" she ever got was a letter from the principal saying it's a state law to attend school. This didn't scare BM since she believes rules don't apply to her. She always had excuses. For example, SD was absent a week that BM said was due to "mental health days". BM was going through a break up and SD didn't want BM to be home alone without her while she was at school. Talk about Dependency and Emotional Manipulation. *eyeroll* Long story short, these HCBM can fake and pretend they are acting "in good faith" for judges and they totally believe it. (In our case anyway).