So close
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I was a day from petitioning for the adoption of my two stepsons. Their bioparent has not seen them in four years and I’ve been married to my wife for almost thre. He was abusive to her and the eldest when he was only two. We texted the ex who would not give us his address so we had to wait. In the meantime he filed for custody. The kids were born out of wedlock so there was no custody order in place. I’m heartbroken and hurting. Any thoughts or prayers from my fellow step parents.
I hope your wife has evidence
I hope your wife has evidence of the abuse. Chances are that he's interested in the kids only to thwart you and cause your wife problems; otherwise why would he wait 4 years? Does this guy pay CS? If not, your wife should ask for it as part of the court hearings. If the BD is asking for custody mostly to be an ass and not because he genuinely cares for the kids and wants parenting time, getting out of CS would be a good incentive for allowing you to adopt.
We got a lawyer on it
ee have found the newspaper article online talking about it but no court record yet. We are trying to find the arrest record. He pays CS but only 175 for two kids and it was court ordered and automatically taken out of his check.
You could hire a good PI
To to dig up dirt on him. Someone who know where to look, who to talk to, knows the ROPES, could be money well spent
Does that work
I know people hire PI’s but does that really ever work?
Yes
I worked for a PI firm for many years. Yes, it does work if there is something fo find (and the pi is even half-way decent).
Be prepared to spend some money... maybe $5-8000 or more.
ETA: Do not try doing the work yourself or friends/family. In most (if not all) you could be at risk of getting charged with stalking.
Yes, it absolutely does work,
Yes, it absolutely does work, but like the other poster said, don't try and do it yourself. There are specific ways that things have to be documented for court. One technicality and your whole case is shot. It is worth the money.
This is why stepparents
This is why stepparents shouldn't rush in to adopt their SKs. You haven't even been married three full years. These kids are still really young and have no idea what this adoption would mean for them long-term. You had a BD paying CS but not involved. Now, if he really was abusive that may have been for the best. But now you've poked the bear and you may find out things didn't go down exactly the way your DW claims they did, or equally bad she can't prove the abuse and now he will be given some kind of custody.
I wish you had found this forum before deciding to rush through an adoption.
Hope
The BD has a long rap sheet with several felonies, had 5 kids with 4 women, just had the 5th, gave one up for adoption, and we have the child abuse newspaper article but not the arrest record yet. This is all just beginning.
The toxic blended family
The toxic blended family opposition filing for custody before they get their asses bared in court is a fairly common tactic.
This is exactly what my SS-26's SpermClan did when my FDW's small town grape vine picked up that she was dating someone while attending University out of state. Ultimately we bared their asses in the custody hearing but ... it is not an uncommon tactic to muddy the waters and extend the status quo.
Ultimtely I adopted my son, at his request, when he was 22.
His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.
My son is an only child in our family but is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock children by three different baby mamas in his BioDad's clan.
What happened during custody?
if you don’t mind my asking. What happened? What can I expect so I can calm my nerves and ease my mind. Plus thank your father and your son for their service.
My wife was a single teen mom
My wife was a single teen mom. She had SS-26 when she was 16. Biodad was 22yo and had an appetite for under aged girls to perpetrate statutory rape against. My wife was awarded full physical and legal custody not long after SS was born when she sued BioDad to establish paternity.
When my then future SS was ~16mos old the SpermClan sued my wife for custody when they learned that she was dating someone. BioDadwas then living with his Wyo GAF and her mother. The SpermClan's intent was to intimidate my single teen mom future wife into giving up custody by burying her in legal costs. Rather than be intimidated she took out supplemental student loans, retained an attorney, and called their bluff.
They dragged the case out for more than 7mos through a campaign of repeatedly rescheduling hearings after my wife had flown back to her home state for the hearing date, would make ridiculous alternative offers, etc, etc, etc.... She was having none of it.
The week after we married the case finally went before the Judge. She/We spent a crap ton of money on basically nothing. The Judge upheld full physical and legal custody for my new wife, raised the SpermIdiot's CS from $110/mo to $133/mo and awarded the SpermClan ~8wks of long distance visitation per year. 10 days of that was in the Fall in SS's local of residency. They never once took that visitation. The remaining 7wks were spread over 5wks in the summer, 1wk in the winter, and 1wk in the Spring. They took it fairly regularly though intermittently for the 16+ years that we lived under the CO.
The SpermClan legal costs were completely funded by SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa, though SGP was vocally less than happy about bailing his POS waste of skin son out of crap again.
We married 5mos after I finished my BSEE undergrad. Our marriage flipped the tables on the financial dominance picture. From that hearing forward my wife and I continued to grow ourselves educationally, professionally and financially. A couple of years after our wedding the SpermGrandParent's income was not enough to successfully continue to battle in the courts. Though they were the ones that took that path initially. Ultimately my wife completed a dual major undergrad degree, an MBA and became a successful CPA. I added an MBA, a certification and a professional license myself. Time and preparation were on our side.
An interesting event occurred a week before my wife and I married. The SpermIdiot married his teen GAF (then 16, he was 25) to avoid having it highlighted in court that he was perpetrating statutory rape against yet another underaged girl.
Nearly 25 years later, my wife and I have made a nice life together, raised SS-26 to be a man of character and accomplishment. A few months after that court hearing the SpermIdiot divorced his teen bride/3rd statutory rape victim and remains a waste of skin who ultimately spawned 4 children by 3 different baby mamas (two of them minors when he impregnated them) all out of wedlock. Our son is his eldest and our only.
No family law legal campaign is easy and the outcome is never a sure thing. Adopting a minor child when the parent in the blended family opposition will not agree is an uphill battle. However, with your Skids' Biodad's history... you may have a good shot at success.
I hope and pray that is the case for you and your kids.
I will let dad and my son know of your thanks for their service. I appreciate your thanks for their service. I wish I could have served. Crappy genes killed that goal for me.
Good luck on your adoption efforts.