Served papers the day before Thanksgiving, seems about right
Yesterday DH was served papers for modification to child support. Ugh she did it purposely the day before Thanksgiving at his place of employment. Even though as much as last week he spent $400 on a jacket and boots for SD, mind you not even winter boots or coat just a North Face Fleece and Timberland fashion boots/ Then BM calls him and says it's been so hard on her the last 6 months wth SD and no one to talk to. Sorry lady that you have no friends and your a heinous person but DH is not your therapist we put an end to her endless calling and texting a couple years ago because during her parenting times she couldnt handle the monster. Talking about how he doesn't believe SD diagnosis.
OH YEAH finally a real DX and I called it months ago. Borderline Personality Disorder which is what I have been saying for months so NO BM we believe it and we also believe she has NPD but she will never stop lying and manipulating long enough to get a proper DX.
He had to listen to an hour of her venting and spewing lies even saying she has been giving his older son money but his son would never even speak to her as she he hates the ground she walks on.
We went from 50/50 with SD to nothing due to alienation and refusal and now DH who has been trying for months is the bad guy. He was like " if your unable to handle it SD can live with us" of course that would never happen because it would be the world's longest custody battle because BM only cares about how this looks to the world #singleMomKillingIt....you get the drift. None of this is about her daughter this is all about her.
Then the kicker was DH asked how she felt about their 14 year old having an almost 19 year old boyfriend. She responded she was fine with it, that they are never alone (cue the rolling of the eyes) etc. BM leaves SD home alone more than not to play in her band or some stupid old rules baseball or just to see her boyfriend 45 minutes away. She doesn't parent and this last 6 months have been hard for her because she was never the primary parent and she never actually parented. She is just a teenager mentally who wants to be BFF's with her teenage daughter...that has worked out lovely.
increase CS sucks but better than..
that crazy bitch SD living with you!
I know this... Trust me but I
I know this... Trust me but I think we need to get over the initial HUGE amount of money leaving our home first. Its just a shock and scary.
Ugh sorry. How much will he
Ugh sorry. How much will he have to pay, most likely? Are you in an age 18 state, as in, less than 4 years left?
He can go in there and say he did not agree to losing his 50% of time, that was decided by BM and SD (or did he let her go over there to stay, I can't remember).
DH always said that if BM filed for more CS, he'd file contempt for the visitation refusal - he never said that to HER, but she must have figured, since she never filed for more money until after SS was 18 (stupid 21 state here).
Are you saying DH and BM's son won't speak to her? He's over 18, right?
We live in a Shared Income
We live in a Shared Income Model State and when they were making the same money and 50/50 neither of them paid. He has been paying her money without any formal agreement in place because he takes care of his kids. But I am not sure of her current salary but it is somewhere between 90k-120k and his is around 75k, which this would equate to around 1200-1500 a month in the worksheet.
He did not agree to his daughter refusal to come over anymore, he has been fighting for it for the last 6 months. But their CO was a mess and as the last attorney we spoke to stated, he has no rights or responbilities outside of medical cost, clothing, school, and carrying life insurance. So if BM wanted to say "You cannot see her anymore" she could. So it was decided by BM and SD. So this could be the time to also get some modifications done to the CO that protects his visitation at the very least with his daughter.
DH's son is not BM's kid (she was his stepmother) and she very well would have been happier to see him kill himself than her having to be his SM. She was cruel and horrible to him and made DH choose between her and SD and his son. Well he made the decision at the time that his son needed to be out of the house, his son is now 24 and doing okay and he and his dad have a decent relationship. I don't call him my stepson because he was 20 when I met DH but his mother took her own life when he was an infant, she wasnt in a relationship with DH at the time but DH raised his son for many years alone.
Wow - 1200-1500 sounds high
Wow - 1200-1500 sounds high for a 75K salary and one kid. DH makes 94 (but they calculated him at 99) and he only pays $1K (BM makes 100K and they do shared income here as well, but they capped their combined salary at 148K and then they take 17% of that (the amount for one child) and divided that basically 50/50). Or does that include health insurance and extras?
DH does have to pay health insurance on top of that. Well - less than 4 years for you?
My state caps the combined
My state caps the combined income at 250k. He hasn't been the one carrying the insurance just because his is not great but I imagine medical bills will still be split which is fairly high.
Their original CO stated age of 18 and neither were responsible for the cost of college. So less than 4 years we can survive it will just put us back financially. As we have started clearing land for our future much smaller home.
The CS number still seems
The CS number still seems very high - if it's shared income, they likely do what they do here - take 17% (or whatever the one child amount is) of their combined income and then split it proportional to income (so BM would be paying more).
Capping combined income is one of the few things New York does that I agree with, but I'm sure it's done just to benefit the high-rollers in NYC.
Sorry, hope it works out better than you imagine. DH might have to do some side work or something if it hits you guys that hard. We are fortunate that it doesn't affect us much as we have a decent combined income.
It always feels like such a kick in the teeth to have to pay the woman who has cut your child out of your life.
Our combined income is fine
Our combined income is fine but I have still over 100k in student loan debt so there is that which I've been paying on for years. So lots of money going out :/
Chef was making tops $25 an hour gross
and was paying $350 a WEEK non-arrears for the 3 ferals as well as medical, etc
yes i realize OP has only one skid. its still outrageous to take a third off of GROSS when it us before sky high NY taxes.
OP hooefully you live in an 18 yr old state and not insane 21 state like NY!!
I think every state takes it
I think every state takes it off of gross income. Otherwise, people would just put as much as they can in their retirement funds to decrease their CS.
it should come off net
especially in high tax states like NY, MA, CA, NJ
*
I think the original CO
I think the original CO stated that this arrangement was only until she was 18 and neither were responsible for college cost (not that SD will end up going to college)
But the modification has some none factual information also such as the last date she was in our home and what BMs interpretation of what the agreed upon visitation was. She worded and kept coming at DH that he could have her 50% of the time but it had to be based on her travel work schedule. Which isn't at all what the CO stated and she repeated this on the modification paperwork as if it was true and no one would see the original CO.
It's so exhausting staying a step ahead of all her lies
Are you sure about that amount?
Are you sure about that amount? We are also in a combined income state, and when we paid child support, my DH made more than yours, BM didn't work, he had no over-nights and paid $800 a month in child support and provided insurance.
Yes because they want to keep
Yes because they want to keep the same "lifestyle" for the kid that they had when their parents were together and with a combined around 200k they are each responsible for keeping the same level of lifestyle. I used the worksheet for MA and this is where it shows.
It certainly doesn't cost this much to have her 50% of the time so HCBM will just be getting a paycheck for a kid she doesn't actually parent
Wow - that is crazy
Wow that is crazy. My DH paid $800 in child support and $800 in alimony a month for 8 years, and when SD aged out, the alimony went up so he paid $1500 in alimony for 2 more years. They wanted to make sure BM got roughly 1500 a month for a full 10 years. Could have been worse, at the time in our state he could have had lifetime alimony as they were married over 20 years. I didn't begrudge the child support, but resented the alimony. You have my sympathies!
Sounds exactly
like the Girhippo:
"Then the kicker was DH asked how she felt about their 14 year old having an almost 19 year old boyfriend. She responded she was fine with it, that they are never alone (cue the rolling of the eyes) etc. BM leaves SD home alone more than not to play in her band or some stupid old rules baseball or just to see her boyfriend 45 minutes away. She doesn't parent and this last 6 months have been hard for her because she was never the primary parent and she never actually parented. She is just a teenager mentally who wants to be BFF's with her teenage daughter...that has worked out lovely."
All part of the HCGUBM playbook...the Gir had no prob letting SD14 date a 20 yr old unsupervised.
Disgusting!
Disgusting!
Oh also with one hour of DH saying this to BM, SD made her Instagram look like they were not together but the boyfriend, her VSCO, and her FB show otherwise. Anytime DH says or does anything involving him being a parent BM runs to her daughter and says 'your dad knows this...." 'your dad said this...." One of them being when he stated that there was Alienation on part of BM to the therapy school and she showed the email to the school adminstration to SD and she came back...this isn't alienation I just hate you....
BM makes DH the bad guy any and all chances she gets while she plays the clueless mother whose daughter is constantly manipulating her and getting high, having sex with an almost 19 year old, drinking booze...she doesn't parent but creates issues when DH actually parents
The fact that she shows SD
The fact that she shows SD that stuff is alienation in and of itself!
BM here let SS do whatever he wanted all through high school while playing poor martyred single mother whose ex had abandoned the child. We could see SS playing video games all night - DH contacted the school who said, "oh, no - BM closely monitors his Internet use". HA.
This is standard GUBM stuff. It's hard to watch them ruin the kid, though.