So here's my situation. I have been in a relationship with a man who has a daughter for the past five years. We plan to marry this coming September, but I have always been a stepmother to this child. I met the father a few months into his separation with his ex and was with him throughout the entire divorce process. His daughter was only 3 and a half time. I am the only woman he has ever introduced to her and she barely remembers a time when I wasn't in the picture.

Now the child is eight and many things have happened in the past five years. While I am the only woman my finance has brought into this little girls life, her mother has brought in multiple men. Her mother has been engaged three times. The first engagement was to my fianace's ex-best friend who his ex-wife cheated on him with and eventually left him for. This relationship took place during the time of the divorce and the kid's mother attempted to move the child out of state. Once she was not allowed to that relationship fizzled. The next engagement was to a man with two kids of his own and a pretty sketchy background. This man that she introduced to her child as her new daddy had multiple DUI's, a conviction for heroin possession, and an order of protection against him from his ex-wife. Thankfully, this relationship dissolved as well. Then the mother dated at least two more men that we know about before finally marrying her current husband in April of last year mere weeks before we began going back to court to change custody. To recap, in the last five years, the mother has brought in five different men into the child's life.

This new husband has become part of the problem. Last February my fiance petitioned for custody of his daughter because he feared for her safety. There was an incident in which the child's stepfather locked her in the bathroom because she was crying because they wouldn't let her call her daddy. The stepfather, however, twisted the story around in court yesterday, claiming that it was about something totally different. The stepfather is at least 6'1, 250 plus pounds, so overall a pretty intimidating guy to a little eight year old girl. The stepfather also claimed to have gotten on eye level so the child didn't feel intimidated. This is classic child psychology and can be looked up anywhere. He was arrogant and defensive once my fiance's lawyer questioned.

Sorry if I'm all over the place but my fiance seeking custody has been a long time coming. On top of the multiple men, the mother has also had the child in three different homes, and three different schools. As a result, the child had to repeat the first grade. I actually attended a parent/teacher conference with my fiance and his ex in which the child's first first grade teacher believed she had behavioral problems and was not progressing in maturity. My fiance and I get her four days a month and every other week in the summer. We do what we can but it never feels like enough. Every time we get her she is either talking in a baby voice or acting like a dog. By the end of the weekend, we get her acting like an eight year old, but the process is repeated every time we get her.

So we are in court and the mother and her lawyer are dredging up every little piece of dirt they can claiming that my fiance is insane. If he is so insane, why does his ex call him to watch the child when she is sick? Why does she let him have her at all? My fiance does have a past, but everyone does. He joined the Army when his daughter was five months old has been trying to provide a good life for her since. He was med boarded from the Army and has been deemed disabled by the VA. While he does not work, he receives a pension (enough to provide for the child without my help, although I do), and maintains the household as well as the 36 acres of timberland his parents own. My fiance is far from lazy and I have never known anyone to work as hard as he does to accomplish and given task. He does experience pain, so working a 40 plus hour a week job like I do is not likely. Also if he did work, he would lose his pension, which included in it is college payment for his child.

My fiance's lawyer is trying to just present the facts and not play dirty. I had to testify in court yesterday and it was very emotional experience for me. I'm sorry to anyone who reads this for writing my whole life story, but I learned something in court yesterday. I learned that you never stop learning as a parent. I learned that you can never do enough for your child. While I have tried repeatedly to help this child who lacks so much confidence, I need to try harder. That is why I am posting this. I am seeking any advice anyone can give me. No matter what the outcome of the custody case I want to do more. I need to do more. How do I help this little girl believe in herself? How can I be a good stepmom?