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Mother receiving public assistance

Wifeypoo's picture
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I am seeking some advice for my DD's fiance. (affectionately known as bonehead) Bonehead has a 60/40 custody agreement with him having the 60 %. He was never married to his daughters mother.

At the last court session he actually was awarded 60 dollars a month in CS. His ex waitresses a few days a week, and doesn't make much money. Being the bonehead that he is, he thought he'd be a hero and state that his ex didn't need to pay him anything. I think he thought it would help him look good in the eyes of the court.. Go figure, it's just how this guy thinks. So neither party pays child support to the other, although he buys everything for the child such as clothes, childcare, etc.

He recently started a new government job with a good health insurance plan. When he tells his ex he would put his daughter on his plan she asked him not to. She receives some sort of public assistance which covers the DD's health insurance. He agreed to this.

This put up some major red flags in my mind. Will the state ever eventually turn around and expect repayment for whatever they paid out in financial aid for the daughter, or will it be the mothers responsibility, since she was the one required to pay child support to him.

I'm asking because I am trying to protect my own DD's interest, and help her to be informed, since the decisions he makes affect her, and will affect her even more once they are married. Which then in turn effects me because we are close and I want her to be happy.

Any wisdom or advice will be greatly appreciated.

bradybunch2013's picture

I think I've heard that if the child has access to health insurance through either parent that the person filing has to show how much the policy would cost to have the child added, then the state decides if the amount is more than the parent or parents can swing and then make a decision off that. I also am pretty sure that if she's supposed to be paying him then they wouldn't come after him for repayment. If it were the other way around and he was supposed to be paying her and she was getting public assistance then the state would go after him for the cs through child support enforcement to recoup the assistance used. That's just the way I understand it to be in my state.

I personally think he should insist on his cs payments from her and put it towards the child being on his policy. It's the right thing to do.

Wifeypoo's picture

Yes Ladyface you are correct I need to keep my nose out of my adult daughters business. She's 24. I'm getting better with detaching myself from situation, and try to keep my mouth shut. It's been a process. Because I still see and talk to her everyday she tells me what's going on with their life. BUT she's getting to where she knows how aggravated I get over certain things so she's starting to back off from telling me things as well. She's trying to learn how navigate this situation with her fiancé and his ex baby mama, and all it entails on her own.

Still tough for me to watch though. It's definitely not the life I'd pick for her and sadly she's learning that not all step situations are civil, like the one she grew up with. Ours wasn't perfect by any means but my husbands ex wasn't like her future SD's mom. My DH's ex wanted as little to do with us as possible. Smart lady I guess...

Wifeypoo's picture

"OP is in NM and the only requirements for the state's Medicare program I could find have to do with income."

I just saw that you wrote this. I didn't even think it could all be on the up and up. I tried to look it up a little but didn't dig too deep because I thought to myself that's what he should be doing. You see why he drives me crazy? Lol
Maybe he has it under control after all...still not a very good idea IMO. If nothing else you'd think he'd want to make sure she gets on there so he doesn't end up paying out-of-pocket when someone doesn't take her insurance. Like what just happened at the urgent care.

Wifeypoo's picture

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Disneyfan's picture

Why should the government cover their insurance when the parents have other options? That fact the he has decided to go along with this means they both are working the system. Hopefully, someone will report it and they both get in trouble.

He's a damn fool. He agreed to/is aware of the fraud. Since he works for the government, that dumb decision could cost him his job.

ESMOD's picture

My DH had an issue where BM put his name down as the responsible party yet we never got the bills. I called the Hospital and they got it cleared from the credit report for us because it was their fault for filing it in error since he never was there and never signed the forms.

Wifeypoo's picture

Thank you Jasper for the advice! I think I will copy what you said and send it to him in a text. Then I need to just forget it and not care so much. He'll do the right thing, he always seem to eventually. He was only 18 when he had the kid, he does a really good job in some areas and lacks in others.

twoviewpoints's picture

I have no clue on how NM state employee benefits work, but in my state no way could this guy have his biological children on Medicaid (hiding them there under his ex wouldn't work either).

Here the guy would have to enroll himself in the state employee health insurance group upon employment (premium based per his payroll income) and there'd be no acceptable excuse why then he didn't add his biological child as long as his insurance isn't optional . His premium would be the same for his dependents whether he added two or ten kids. He really should talk to his group benefit representative. Much cheaper for him to pay the small amount of additional monthly premium than to pay back Medicaid expenses when this little 'plan' agreement between BM and him blows up.

That's not to say BM couldn't still qualify for Medicaid for herself and other kids (not biologically belonging to this guy), but it would take about two seconds to cross reference any social security numbers if she puts down his kids as her qualifier.

notarelative's picture

Bonehead needs to insure his kids unless the court ordered the BM to do it under her private insurance.

Bonehead was foolish to listen to the BM. Usually you only have so many days when you start a new job to enroll. Then, aside from what they consider a qualifying event, you have to wait for the open enrollment period. He needs to figure this out yesterday.

That he was not married to the child's mother is irrelevant. This is 2016. Court/ state is not interested in marital status. They want a biological parent to insure their child.

Disneyfan's picture

How about going after dad to help pay for the insurance???

I'm with Cocktail..Hour, I shouldn't have to help pay for Medicaid for kids who have parents who are making the choice not to cover their kids. I ‘m all for helping those in NEED.

ESMOD's picture

Why are your premiums so high? I thought the ACA would have made sure you had access to credits which would have reduced the cost of your plan.

Wifeypoo's picture

Bonehead number 2. Ha ha

This bonehead is about 26-27 years old. Hopefully he still can learn from his mistakes.

I bet you want to strangle your DH for not taking the support. I can't even imagine....I bet it's more than the 60 or so dollars that bonehead let slip away.
Does your DH not take it because he feels sorry for BM? It would have been nice if BM put that money in a college account for her kids but.....dream on right?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

"I personally think he should insist on his cs payments from her and put it towards the child being on his policy. It's the right thing to do."

Couldn't agree more with this. And Lord spare me, I get so sick of these custodial dads making financial decisions with their egos instead of their brains. Bonehead thinks he doesn't need cs, but I bet he's fine with your daughter helping to support his child. Am I right?

As someone else advised, Bonehead needs to put his kid on his insurance ASAP and request cs. Also, I hope you'll use this as a teachable moment with your daughter so she'll learn to protect herself financially. It's a necessary part of being in a blended relationship.

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Wifeypoo's picture

Yes ma'am I bet he wouldn't mind my DD chipping in if he needed it. He needed to take the CS offered to him by the courts....he said he thought it would make him look like the more responsible parent if he didn't take the money.... He wanted to show the judge he cared about his DD by letting her mother keep that money to provide better for DD on her time.

Well you better believe I warned my DD about a bunch of things. After reading some of the horror stories on here I wanted her to be prepared and aware. A lot of this stuff here is the real deal, with high conflict situations, and I can see this one has the potential to get ugly. The BM hates her, but what else is new.

I warned her about the importance of keeping her finances separate in the areas that involved the kiddo. She went to college, worked hard, and now has a good job. She's likes making her own money and likes to save it so she listened real well whenever I brought it up. Once they're married it will be harder to protect herself....I hope she does.

I warned her about taking on to much responsibility for the future SD. Right now the kiddo is young and sweet but we all know how that can and probably statistically will go.

I warned her about watching the kiddo while the dad isn't there, and what that can turn in to on many levels. She does do it ocassionally but only when the grandmother can't. I really hope she can maintain that.

I warned her about many different things and scenarios that could happen. I at least wanted her to be aware. A lot of these lessons have to be learned on ones own....I know this, BUT I also felt like I needed to warn her of the reality of how hard step life is. It isn't pretty and it isn't idea. Even having a older half sibling, my SD who was 10 years older, and seeing some of the drama there wouldn't prepare her for this.

Wifeypoo's picture

Thank you all so much! I plan to come back and reply a little later If need be when I read through all these properly, but oh man, you guys are RIGHT about this being fraud!

I was so caught up in thinking about how this might end up causing legal trouble that it HADN'T even occured to me how wrong this is. I don't like my pocket picked either by paying high taxes to pay for this kind of stuff. Bonehead isn't a rule breaker what so ever. He did a stint in the military and is now in LE. He very much cares about how he presents himself to those in authority, so I am assuming he's not seeing the whole picture here. I'll ask my DH to talk to him. He listens to him most of time.

BM won't get assistance for herself if she doesn't have her daughter enrolled apparently. That's why she didn't want him to put their DD on his insurance. Not anyone's problem though because she's capable of working and finding a job with insurance for herself. Just like most people have to do....

The kicker to this is that bonehead ended up paying cash for a trip for the urgent care last week because they didn't take what insurance the BM has for the kid. He has perfectly good insurance that she could be signed up for but he didn't want to argue with the BM! How I found out is last week boneheads DD got injured playing at a park and needed stitches. Bonehead, my DD, and the kiddo went straight to urgent care but he had his dog with them, and they called me to see if I could come and get the dog and bring him home. When I got there my DD mentioned that he was going to pay cash for the whole thing. I said, "well doesn't he just have to pay a co-payment" and she said, "no, she's not signed up on his insurance," and told me why. At the time I thought to myself WTH, but I'm learning I just need to keep quiet about this kind of thing so I just got the dog and left.

Wifeypoo's picture

". I don't like my pocket picked either by paying high taxes to pay for this kind of stuff."

I re read what I wrote and didn't like the impression I might have gave, and would hate to make someone feel bad for needing help. I'd like to emphasize that I'm not saying I'm against helping those who need it, and go through the legitimate channels to get it . That's not my mindset at all. While this BM may need the assistance she's going about it the wrong way as far as not wanting her daughter to have the health insurance that her dads work provides for her own reasons. There shouldn't have been a choice for the dad to not add his daughter, it just makes no sense to me. If the mom needs help then she needs help, but not at her daughters expense and illegally. I still don't know the story as to why bonehead didn't insist she'd go on his insurance, but I know he doesn't like confrontation with his ex. He has a dangerous job now. Standing up to BM should be easy compared to it, or so one would think....

onthefence2's picture

In my state, even if the kids are insured through one parent, the other parent can have them on the state policy as well (as secondary). This is because so many insurance plans don't cover a lot, or deductibles are so high that lower income families (or single parents) can't afford to take their kids to the doctor even with insurance. I found this out accidentally because my kids were on state insurance for a short time when exh lost his job. You do have to notify the state of the new insurance when it's added, and then they can choose whether or not to keep you on it when the next enrollment period comes up.

The only thing that would be questionable in my state is how she only has 40% custody and receiving these benefits.

Rags's picture

He needs to cover the kid on his benefits ... NOW! Many states will hunt down NCPs and nail them for all or some of any entitlements paid to a CP for a joint child.