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BM refusing to give documents and follow court order

iamlosingit's picture

DH court order states he has to carry ss on his insurance.  He also has to pay the premiums, any bills are to be split 60/40 between DH and BM.  BM is also supposed to not make any medical decisions without consulting DH.

This hasn't been going on since day one.  She will let Dh know about the appointments the day of so he has no way of being able to go.  DH also has a bill for over $4000 for ss dental due to BM taking him to an out of network provider and getting a ton of caps, cavities, etc done.  She is refusing to pay.  She is also refusing to give dh ss social security number so now dh insurance is about to drop ss from his plan.   He has been fighting this since October. The only documentation for ss that dh has is his "recognition of parentage" slip from the hospital, and his work will not accept that as proof that ss is his.

Is there anyone dh can call to enforce the court order?  We don't have an extra $4000 due to her negligence...and documentation like birth certificate, social security card and such should be made available without either parent having to jump through freaking hoops.  She has refused to co-parent from the beginning.  The only thing I can think of doing is have dh send his portion of the bill in along with a copy of the court order and BM contact information, but it isn't the insurance companies job to collect since her name isn't on the plan.  Any ideas?

nengooseus's picture

A judge can decide if she's doing what she needs to be doing or "punish" her for not cooperating. 

He also needs to be added to the birth certificate and to get a copy for his records.  With proof of parentage, he should be able to get his child's social security number, as well, but he'll need to reach out to the SSA for that.

notarelative's picture

Dad needs to call the state dept of vital statistics and ask about the birth certificate. Is he sure he isn't on the birth certificate? To me, it's strange that they would give him something recognizing his paternity at the hospital and not for him to be on the birth certificate. He needs to talk to someone there about how to get his name on the certificate if he isn't there now. He should mention that there is a child support order with him as the legal father. He may be able to get this fixed without court.

He can file in family court without a lawyer. He needs to go down to the clerk of the court, get the appropriate paperwork, out, and turn it in. They'll set a date and BM can explain to the judge why she won't give him the information the insurance company needs and has had out of network appointments and services done.

The insurance company may want a birth certificate, but has he shown them the court order that he has to provide coverage? Court order plus social security number may be enough to secure coverage.




iamlosingit's picture

He's on the birth certificate, I think the "recognition of parentage" might be because they were never married? Honestly I've never heard of such a thing existing until I met DH.  Social security is the problem we are having, BM is refusing to give dh the social security number for ss.  She has the only copies of ss ssi card and his birth certificate.  I know how to request a birth cert copy but am not sure if dh can get ss social without the op permission/signature.

Rags's picture

He also needs to get off of his butt and go get the SS# for SS from the SS Administration and an official copy of the birth certificate from the State/County.  Quit allowing BM to manipulate. Take some control, and smack her ass around in court.

Lather, rinse, repeat any time she twitches out of alignment with the CO.

And... since she took SS to an out of network dentist... she can pay the whole bill IMHO.  He needs to get  this in front of a judge as well and get the CO amended to stipulate that if she engages anything but emergency care without DH's prior agreement then she will be fully financially responsible.

DH needs to quit being BM's victim and take the steps he needs to take to own her ass.

It has worked well for us when dealing with my SS's SpermClan.

Thumper's picture

File a motion to compel.

That means DH is asking the court to do something and order bm to cough up the goods.

I would also get clarification on out of network bull sh**. She may end up paying those bills on her own SINCE she made the unilateral decision to take the child elsewhere. 

A friend of mine took her ex to court because he refused to cover braces, out of network visits, cell phone and car buying expenses AND college for their almost adult kid. His portion of these bills kept going UP and UP and UP.  Turns out the Judge ruled in dads favor and mom was stuck paying these bills. Of course she was very upset---

I realize your dh may not want to go back to court but he may have to. In the mean time I would make 100percent sure to avoid asking bm for anything HE can get info on. Mainly school grades. call the school and get on board with everything.

Not much you can do about bm being a jerk about medical appointments. It happens all the time with a high conflict parent. They may go as far as blocking your info for as long as she can at the Dr's office and / or telling you there is appointment and when you arrive you learn she already took the kid eariler OR she just cancelled it and didnt re-book. TAKE your court order to all doctors you know of and let them keep a redacted copy.

***As much as I hate to say it, I might be half tempted to let things pile up a bit and let bm stomp her feet to the court house. Your side with have proof (you have it right) of unanswered requests for SS ## and all attempts you made but BM refuses to provide proper docs. 

You have to think like a high conflict parent and say "I didnt know", I made a mistake, I thought BM had to pay out of network expenses.

Works like a charm for High Conflict BM's,,, every damn time. They always get off the hook .*** I am not suggesting you do that but maybe people should start.

GoodLuck and I am sorry about this 



libra2libra83's picture

My husband and I had this problem with BM too. We got a copy of SDs birth certificate online, but couldn't get a copy of the SSI card since she refused to give the number to DH (cause I would do something nefarious with it). We had to go to court, and it still took her months after court to get it to him. 

I would refuse to pay the $4,000.00. BM did not advise your husband about the appointment, or what was being done before it was completed. Your husband had every right to speak to the dentist, and to have a say in treatment.