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Heading to Court (AZ)

semperfi722002's picture
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I welcome feedback. I have no children of my own, but am engaged to a man with a 15 year-old daughter. I am curious about how exactly child support works, and what is taken into account. Currently, both biological parents share 50/50 physical and legal custody. Recently, BM decided she wants full custody and child support on the basis that 15 year old is "not happy" coming to her BF's house due to "all the rules". You know, those harsh and cruel rules that state one must pick up after one's self, one must pick up their own used saitary napkins and clothing off the floor.

In any case, here's some background info. When my fiancee and his ex-wife divorced 2 years ago, he inherited 100% of the marital debt, while his ex-wife got to file bankruptcy. As a real estate agent, though she earned twice as much as my fiancee, BM had more "write-offs", which ultimately allowed her to walk away from approximately $60,000.00 in debt scott free. She now drives a nice new car, and just completed her second breast implant surgery all compliments of daddy deep pockets (her new elderly husband). BM 30's, her new husband 60's.
BM moved into new husbands home over a year ago, but during the financial disclosure portion of this battle, BM listed her new husband as non-contributory. In black & white, BM stated she pays all bills for the grand home that she now lives in and her new husband contributes nothing. Yeah right. BM also listed her monthly income at 5-figures, but again after the endless number of "write-offs" she appears to make very little.

So, BM is now suing for full custody and child support. In her list of demands, she indicated a list of approximately 25 items her 15 year old daughter needed over the past year alone. Those items included, but were not limited to: 6 birthday parties and gifts for those 6 teenage friends. 1 gift item was for a teenage girl: a coach bag. Another gift item, for a different teenage girl, included a $68.00 purse. Yet another item for a 3rd teenage girl included a $180.00 trip to a theme park/vacation. The list also included the hair coloring and trips to the hair and nail salon that the 15 year old "needs" monthly.

My fellow Posters, you get my point (I hope). My fiancee has his daughter 50% of the time. In addition to buying her school clothes, school supplies and attending to other needs, he also pays 100% of the medical/dental insurance and 100% of their left over financial debt. His ex-wife feels that inspite of that, he should still pay child support, "IN ADDITION TO" money that will allow his daughter to maintain the same lifestyle in both houses.
My friends, AM I CRAZY? What planet is this bitch from? I mean really. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from this dreaded nightmare because BM can't possibly be real. And then to actually have an attorney to represent that bullshit. What country do I live in? What happens to being reasonable and fair?
Just recently BM gave fiancee a list of 8 items his daughter needed for a school dance. My fiancee purchased 4 of the 8 items. BM sent a text saying "that's great..." but she still expected to be reimbursed for 50% of whatever she spent on the 4 items. The bitch is just plain EVIL. That's the only thing that makes sense to me.

My fellow posters, please can anyone tell me what is factored into place when a judge makes a ruling on child support, and please tell me whether or not a judge gives ANY weight to that bullshit list of gift items, mani-pedi and bullshit. Also, how much weight is given to a teenager's input of wanting to spend more time in 1 home than another?

I apologize if I ranted too long or offended any sensitive ears. I truly meant no disrespect to any of my fellow posters. I am just frustrated that some people can actually get away with being evil and unreasonable. It's as though no one holds the mirror up to their face and says: "STOP!YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE!"

aggravated1's picture

With a halfway intelligent judge, she will get none of those extra things. She will probably be laughed out of a courtroom. The trick will be to talk all of this over with DH, so if they go to mediation he doesn't cave on any of this, and give it to her. Once it becomes part of the court order, it is very, very difficult to get it changed.

Jsmom's picture

She won't get most of that stuff. But, you need to keep track of everything you have spent on SD. It works in your favor. It is a formula that they use. He puts in what he spent and she puts in what she spends. They look at salary and expenses. Not much leeway unless the judge is blind...

Good luck, she sounds like she is a bitch. I think we are in the same case. Our BM wants CS to heal SD from the drama of leaving our house. She forgets that she served us with the modification....

semperfi722002's picture

The aggreement my fiancee (BF) made with his ex-wife upon the divorce was 50/50 legal & physical custody. 50/50 payment of all the marital debt, and no child support for either side. My fiancee also carries the medical/dental insurance from his job. The problem started this year, when BM felt that she was spending too much on her daughter's "extra-cirricular" activities. The problem also started around the same time when BM decided her NEW lifestyle was more important than paying off the financial debt from her previous marriage. So she simply stopped paying her 50%. Just like that. So because these credit cards and loans were in BOTH their names, my fiancee had no choice but to absorb 100% of the cost of all the marital debt in order to keep his name & credit score in good standing. As he started paying more of the debt, he told BM he would not be able to contribute as much to "the extras" and then encouraged BM to "scale back" her spending seeing as how she just filed bankruptcy. BM did not care. BM did not view any of the parties, gifts, frequent trips to the hair & nail salon and any "extra"-cirricular activity as "extras". She insisted they were "NEEDS" the 15 year-old had to have to ensure "good social development". Example: The Justin Bieber concert tickets for 15 year old & 2 friends, the new $105.00 dress for that concert, the new shoes, and the money for a dinner with said friends______were all listed as "NEEDS" according to the BM.
And you know, it wouldn't be so frustrating if BM talked with BF BEFORE making purchases for the spoiled 15 year old in question. But you see, for the past year, BM has made a number of purchases, 1 even totalling $2500.00, and she TELLS BF about the purchases AFTER THE FACT. She then just expects him to write a check EVERYTIME she makes ANY purchase. BF has told BM MANY TIMES, "if you want me to pay for half of something, talk to me about it first so that I can see if it's something I can afford". For some ungodly reason, BM is convinced that because they share a child, then BM thinks she has carte blanche over his check book and wallet. Its such bullshit. Recently, BM actually borrowed money from someone, then gave that person our (BF & mine) home number so that person could call BF to get repayment. BM told the person she borrowed the money from that BF would pay back the loan since the money was used to buy something for the 15 year old. What the hell? I couldn't believe how twisted BM's mind truly is. Her reality is so warped and the 15 year old in the middle of all this, continues to think "mom is the victim". P.S. BM left BF for the elderly man she is now married to.

iloveit's picture

Is this just what she has ASKED for? If this is the first offer then there's a really good chance she will not get that. My bf and I have been together over a year as well and he is also going through a divorce. At first it didn't seem that bad, but a few months ago it started getting really ugly. My bf's ex (or soon to be) is asking for $4,000/mo for 5 years, $3,000/mo for 3 more years and then $2,000 and so on and so forth until 10/11 years is up. After that point she wants the flexibility to take him back to court if she doesn't feel that she has enough. So basically she's looking for lifetime alimony. (I'm sure some people know that in Massachusetts, lifetime alimony is a common practice but we live over the border in NH so we're ok there.) Additionally, she wants to sell the house, which she wants 100% of the equity, all of the shit in the damn house and then 70% of the 401k. She wants to be paid back the $2,000 she borrowed from her father for the lawyer and oh let's not forget the medical bills! She wants my bf to pay all her medical bills for all of the counseling that she's in (she's been in counseling for almost all of their 22 year marriage) AND for whatever sickness/ailment she thinks she has this week since she is a hypochondriac. In the meantime she works full time and while she does not make the best money, he is paying temporary alimony, PLUS the mortgage, PLUS paying all the bills because he has felt guilty. (He has since stopped doing that) Yet because she's still pissed that he left her, she cries poor house and asks her 20 and 23 year old daughters to chip in for the electric bill etc etc. Not that I think they can't be responsible for some things but my bf told his kids that he doesn't know where she's putting her money because she should have PLENTY of it.

So my point is...while your DH's ex is asking the court for these things, it's the first offer and to my knowledge there is very little chance that she is going to get EVERYTHING she is asking for. Divorces are bitter and can be very nasty and I completely understand that now that I am involved with someone who is in one. I know it's frustrating, believe me! However, just keep in mind that she is being a bit ridiculous and the judge is not going to grant her all of these things just because she asked. They will go over financial statements and work history and all that crap so there's still a chance my friend!! Hang in there I know it's a pain in the ass!!!