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SM wants to Thank You All

semperfi722002's picture

SM here wants to thank you all my fellow posters for the support. Yesterday was the first time ever, I happened upon this website, found this forum and eagerly joined up. As I retreated to my cave (i.e. bedroom) in yet another defeat in my own home, I found this forum. I have exhausted myself, felt disrespected and defeated in my struggles to bond with my 15 year old SD. My repeated efforts to "connect" have met with repeated rebuffs. I have sought individual counseling in a deseperate effort to understand how and why a child who is given much, could appreciate so little. Her father and I have had so many conversations with her stemming along the lines of: To Who Much is Given, Much is Expected. A concept that simply skips my SD's understanding. I have stretched myself so thin, and have tested the limitations of my patience and tolerance, all in an effort to get this spiteful, ungrateful little brat to show some appreciation, and gratitude for all her father and I do to make her life better.
Yesterday, after visiting this forum for the first time, a fellow poster recommended the book "Stepmonster". Last night, I started to read it. This morning, for the first time in months, I am at peace. For the past few months, I have struggled with this ungrateful, selfish and narcacisstic teenage girl. I blamed myself for our inability to bond. As though it was somehow a short-coming on my part. A flaw in MY character that I needed to fix in order to "bond" with this simple-minded brat. I blamed her BM as well (and still do) for encouraging the teen to treat me and her own father with complete and utter disregard. BM tells teen that her father and I are not really family, yet BM (35)and her new 65 year old husband are her "true" family. In one conversation the BM had with our home during OUR parenting time, I remember vividly as she insisted on picking her daughter up early so that my SD could "have dinner with her family." My fiancee's immediate response was: "So who are we?" Its sad, but true that my SD is a mirror of her mother. She shares her BM's values on money, on trinkets, on superficial beauty and on the mindset of letting others pick up the tab. A value system my fiancee and I struggle with every week to change. Not anymore. All these months I spent talking to a counselor, and all I got out of all the months of therapy and expense was me being told I needed to exercise more patience. My therapist NEVER ONCE suggested me reading "Stepmonster". I AM NORMAL FOR NOT LIKING MY SD. I AM NOT CRAZY. I AM NOT MEAN, SPITEFUL OR CRUEL. I AM A STEPMOTHER with an ungrateful teenage bitch for a SD.
Thank you all my fellow posters for reaffirming what I already suspected. There is no rhyme or reason to like ANYONE who mistreats me, and disrespects me and my home, and shows a callous disregard to all those around her.
P.S. Can you even believe BM sent a lengthy text to my fiancee "telling" him to make sure our home was well stocked with "Special K" water, bars, and cereal because my teenage SD was now on a "Special K diet". That's the mindset of the BM we deal with weekly.

Zoie's picture

I am so glad you found this site as it's been very helpful to me as well. I found this site over 2yrs ago and never posted anything until lately...chicken I

I wish you all the best..... Z Smile

stepmasochist's picture

Glad you found the site and I hope you can find a better counselor. Try one that has a little more expertise when it comes to "blended" families. Too bad you can't demand your money back for the other.

Good luck!

TheWickedStepmom's picture

I just joined a couple of days ago myself and I am already finding that it helps to sit here and listen to other people that are going through the same things that I am and that we can all offer advice to each other on different things and help each other. I spent 11 years thinking something was wrong with my for not liking my sk's and fighting to make myself love them when they didn't love me. Now I have people telling me it's OK. It's freakin' AMAZING isn't it??? I mean, I don't have to be mean or nasty to her, nor do I want to be. I'm not that kind of person... but if I want to get on her and say, "Damn that bitch really pissed me off this time!" Everyone understands!! It's like a whole new freedom I have never known before! I love it! Smile Welcome to you semper! Smile

SillyGilly's picture

This site very well could be the best therapy you will ever have - and it's free Smile Glad the book has brought you some relief - I know it has for MANY others here too!