Resentment Toward Step Daughter
Hello Fellow posters. Let me begin by saying I literally joined this forum 18 minutes ago. I restreated to my bedroom to find some peace. It seems like my bedroom has become my cave (literally & figuratively speaking).
I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. We are engaged to be married next June. With him, comes a malicious, spiteful, and deceitful ex-wife, and her doppleganger in the form of a 15 year old girl. Currently, my fiancee and his ex share 50/50 custody. My SD is a lazy, selfish,rude, and disrespectful little girl. She has no initiative whatsoever, and walks around with a huge sense of entitlement. My fiance & I have lived together for 8 months. The rules in our home is simple: "pick up after yourself". A concept that eludes my SD. She literally will throw trash, food, and her used sanitary napkins into the waste basket in her bathroom. If it hits the trash, great. However, the 9 out of 10 times that it doesn't, that's where it stays: on the floor for her dad or I to pick it up. My fiance & I have sat his daughter down on a number of occasions to "educate" her about the importance of accountability, responsibility, obligation and autonomy. We have implemented the loss of privileges as a consequence for her not picking up after herself. We have had many conversations about the unhealthy aspects of leaving food and used sanitary napkins on the floor. All to no avail. We have now caught her in lying. Lying about her whereabouts, and lying about who she's with. My SD resents coming to our home because she says we have "too many rules" and set "too many boundaries". Things that she never has to contend with at her BM house (according to her). My SD enters a room and NEVER says "hello" or any other greeting. During dinner, when her meal is prepared and the table is set, she will get herself something to drink and offer nothing to those around her. Even when SHE has sleep overs, she wakes up, makes her own breakfast and will not tend to ANY of HER teenage guests. Her BM who is 35 has now remarried a 65 year old retired and wealthy man. My SD repeatedly compares her BM house to our house and the fact that she is not expected to do "as much" at her BM house and she is expected to do at ours: You mean teaching a kid to think of others and clean up after themselves is wrong? Her BM encourages her to act out and went as far as to say that I should not tell my SD what to do in my own house. Am I crazy people? What ever happened to "It Takes A Village..." How can you bond with a child who is so narcisstic? In my profession, I care for those who are ill. I am 1 of 11 children myself. Hand-me-downs and sharing was a part of my upbringing. I can't relate to this childs laziness, lack of empathy, selfishness and narcacism. I have tried outings together, I have tried talking 1 on 1, but all to no avail. The child wakes up every day putting herself: first, foremost, last and always. She even told her dad & I we should be more grateful that she comes over to our home by giving her the things she wants. WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT?
And on a different note, even though my fiance shares a 50/50 custodial arrangement, the BM mother feels my fiance should also pay for 50% of his daughters "social activities" while in the mothers care. We pay 100% of day-to-day costs while SD is in our home. Whatever that entails. Now mother is suing for 50% support while SD is in BM care as well. How the heck is that even reasonable. BM does not work. She doesn't have to. My fiance and I are middle-class wage earners and make a modest living. BM and her new husband both drive Merecedes. SD shares in her mother's expensive taste as well and snubs her nose at anything not Coach, Juicy or Coture. What planet are these people from? This past weekend we wanted to throw a few burgers & hotdogs on the grill, SD frowned and complained that we needed to add lobster & filet mignon. Really.
Help me please. I am now seeing a therapist once a week and attend Mass every Sunday to find a way not to dislike this 15 year old self-appointed queen.