Agree with Tommar24364. Don't waste your time. Let dh deals with his mess. Don't fight his battle for him. Not worth it and might get blamed later...speak from my own experience
So agree. I had to go to court over issues with my youngest son and exH. Judge gave several dirty looks to my DH. Stay out of it, stay out of the courtroom.
Of couse dh is the one wanting them. We've discussed this lots of times. They need structure and discipline and at her house its a run free and no respect for others or things. She is selfish and reallt only wants child support for her shopping addiction. Sk get crappy clothes that are holy and dirty and she has fancy clothes
Good goats balls, why not just stab yourself with a spork in the eye? It's less painful!
Nothing on God's green earth should induce you to fight for custody let alone push your H to do it. 3 years ago I got this amazing idea (insert sarcasm) that my SO should see his son more. I picked up the necessary mantel, fought hard and got him more visitation.
I am paying for it with everything BM has to dish never mind MIL's 5 cents of crap. Pay your maintenance, accept the status quo and DO NOT engage. This is one of those let it go themes.
I agree. And I live in a particularly large BM's rights state. So nothing gets done with DH and I. Check your state laws about when a child can decide to live with you based on their own status, in my state they have to be 12. I had a similar situation as above, except I have 4 sk, so 1 of the 4 every time they came they would cry that they didn't want to go back, talk about all the horrible things happening there... Etc. then they would go home and this particular child would do the reverse with BM... Talk about everything they saw at our house (which isn't bad, it's just gossip, ugh) and say they didn't want to come here. we didn't do anything. We wanted to wait since there are 4. So not too long later this child made an outrageous abuse outcry against DH. He had to deal with child services and police in two different states (BM moved with kids), and had to deal with BM who of course was egging the SK on. With what DH and I do we would lose our licenses for work let alone him go to jail if it had been found true, of course it wasn't. But that was over 17 months ago and that SK has not and will not step foot in our house maybe ever again. DH only sees that SK in public places with the other kids there too.
I am new to this site and I guess we had a different experience raising the oldest SK from 15 to now which now they are in college. It was hard at first, having them adjust to our rules, but things actually turned out great. But that SK was extremely against BM and almost refused to see BM the entire time that the oldest has been with us. I guess we are one of the few?
We fought for 50/50 and won. I have no regrets, but do be prepared to really, really look at your motivation. Then do it again. Then analyze the increase in work/stress and decrease in intimacy and couple/adult time. Then re-check your motivation, again.
Then make sure your SO places you above everything else, including the kids: that he will make sure they respect you. That he will have rules, and enforce them. That he will insist on well-mannered, polite children, and put in the bloody hard work necessary to raise them in this fashion. That he will put the BM firmly in her place and keep her there.
If all these are positives, go for it. Otherwise, no way.
So instead of custody of skids I suggested modifying the cs and having joint so we don't have them all the time just pretty much what we have now. Any info on how that stuff goes over with courts.
We've been waiting almost three months for our court date next month, though their DD says DH gets Wednesday night and EOW. Initially we were happy with getting an extra day during the week, and taking SD6 when BM went out since she was leaving her with her first husband's mother. The more we had her here, the better her behavior got. The more we looked into things like doctor's visits and dentist appointments, the more we found that BM hadn't been fulfilling her obligations as a parent; i.e. SD6 hadn't been to the doctor in two years. BM pretended that she had SD6 in therapy, which we found only consisted of one or two visits before pulling a no call, no show. We spoke with her teacher through email whenever possible so we had documentation regarding her poor adjustment to school and behavior problems. We got letters from dentists who won't see SD anymore because BM missed appointments without calling. We took her the pediatrician and explained our concerns about sleep deprivation, which was backed by emails from her teacher about falling asleep in class. We got letters showing that SD wasn't enrolled in summer school and printed out texts and emails from BM that blatantly lied to about having done so. We tried to keep most communication with BM to email so we could introduce it in court. Copies of police reports regarding domestic violence and children having access to weapons in her household. Her utter unwillingness to cooperate or coparent. We set her up with a therapist ourselves and have taken her to every appointment, as well as the pediatrician.
Even with all of this and more, there's no guarantees. Look at your state regulations and what they take into consideration where custody is concerned and work of that.
Agree with Tommar24364. Don't
Agree with Tommar24364. Don't waste your time. Let dh deals with his mess. Don't fight his battle for him. Not worth it and might get blamed later...speak from my own experience
A.
If you want any advice, you
If you want any advice, you are going to have to give more detail. What is the visitation schedule now? Why should the kids live with you full time?
For making a major custody change you need a lawyer. They will tell you what will give you grounds for a change in custody.
Also, this has to be Dad's fight. You can help in the background - but if you overstep with a judge, most will not be happy.
And even if she is all of the
And even if she is all of the above - all she'd have to do is promise to "change" and she'd be given 47 more chances.
yeah, well before I offer any
yeah, well before I offer any advice on how to start this process I would like to know WHY y'all are seeking custody?
Cuz we have the kids all the
Cuz we have the kids all the time and still pay her child support and she only wants them when she can show the world she the wonderful mom.
So agree. I had to go to
So agree. I had to go to court over issues with my youngest son and exH. Judge gave several dirty looks to my DH. Stay out of it, stay out of the courtroom.
Of couse dh is the one
Of couse dh is the one wanting them. We've discussed this lots of times. They need structure and discipline and at her house its a run free and no respect for others or things. She is selfish and reallt only wants child support for her shopping addiction. Sk get crappy clothes that are holy and dirty and she has fancy clothes
I am going to quote my own
I am going to quote my own word to you:
Good goats balls, why not just stab yourself with a spork in the eye? It's less painful!
Nothing on God's green earth should induce you to fight for custody let alone push your H to do it. 3 years ago I got this amazing idea (insert sarcasm) that my SO should see his son more. I picked up the necessary mantel, fought hard and got him more visitation.
I am paying for it with everything BM has to dish never mind MIL's 5 cents of crap. Pay your maintenance, accept the status quo and DO NOT engage. This is one of those let it go themes.
full time custodial SM here -
full time custodial SM here - don't do it. Seriously. Don't do it.
I agree. And I live in a
I agree. And I live in a particularly large BM's rights state. So nothing gets done with DH and I. Check your state laws about when a child can decide to live with you based on their own status, in my state they have to be 12. I had a similar situation as above, except I have 4 sk, so 1 of the 4 every time they came they would cry that they didn't want to go back, talk about all the horrible things happening there... Etc. then they would go home and this particular child would do the reverse with BM... Talk about everything they saw at our house (which isn't bad, it's just gossip, ugh) and say they didn't want to come here. we didn't do anything. We wanted to wait since there are 4. So not too long later this child made an outrageous abuse outcry against DH. He had to deal with child services and police in two different states (BM moved with kids), and had to deal with BM who of course was egging the SK on. With what DH and I do we would lose our licenses for work let alone him go to jail if it had been found true, of course it wasn't. But that was over 17 months ago and that SK has not and will not step foot in our house maybe ever again. DH only sees that SK in public places with the other kids there too.
I am new to this site and I guess we had a different experience raising the oldest SK from 15 to now which now they are in college. It was hard at first, having them adjust to our rules, but things actually turned out great. But that SK was extremely against BM and almost refused to see BM the entire time that the oldest has been with us. I guess we are one of the few?
We fought for 50/50 and won.
We fought for 50/50 and won. I have no regrets, but do be prepared to really, really look at your motivation. Then do it again. Then analyze the increase in work/stress and decrease in intimacy and couple/adult time. Then re-check your motivation, again.
Then make sure your SO places you above everything else, including the kids: that he will make sure they respect you. That he will have rules, and enforce them. That he will insist on well-mannered, polite children, and put in the bloody hard work necessary to raise them in this fashion. That he will put the BM firmly in her place and keep her there.
If all these are positives, go for it. Otherwise, no way.
So instead of custody of
So instead of custody of skids I suggested modifying the cs and having joint so we don't have them all the time just pretty much what we have now. Any info on how that stuff goes over with courts.
We've been waiting almost
We've been waiting almost three months for our court date next month, though their DD says DH gets Wednesday night and EOW. Initially we were happy with getting an extra day during the week, and taking SD6 when BM went out since she was leaving her with her first husband's mother. The more we had her here, the better her behavior got. The more we looked into things like doctor's visits and dentist appointments, the more we found that BM hadn't been fulfilling her obligations as a parent; i.e. SD6 hadn't been to the doctor in two years. BM pretended that she had SD6 in therapy, which we found only consisted of one or two visits before pulling a no call, no show. We spoke with her teacher through email whenever possible so we had documentation regarding her poor adjustment to school and behavior problems. We got letters from dentists who won't see SD anymore because BM missed appointments without calling. We took her the pediatrician and explained our concerns about sleep deprivation, which was backed by emails from her teacher about falling asleep in class. We got letters showing that SD wasn't enrolled in summer school and printed out texts and emails from BM that blatantly lied to about having done so. We tried to keep most communication with BM to email so we could introduce it in court. Copies of police reports regarding domestic violence and children having access to weapons in her household. Her utter unwillingness to cooperate or coparent. We set her up with a therapist ourselves and have taken her to every appointment, as well as the pediatrician.
Even with all of this and more, there's no guarantees. Look at your state regulations and what they take into consideration where custody is concerned and work of that.
Best of luck!