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Boggles My Mind

rosie33's picture
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The court system absolutely amazes me! We took my boyfriend's ex-wife to court for contempt bc she refused to return the kids when it was his time. The judge asked her if she is willing "to work" with our attorney, she said yes and that was it. We told her lawyer (who is free bc she is unemployed) that we want the time we missed back and our lawyer fees paid for. She refuses to be in contact with her lawyer. She just ignores her. Soooooo thats it! There is no dead line as to when it was to be settled or anything. The only thing we can do is take her back to court, we've already spent $1000 just for the original contempt, and it would be an actual hearing where she and he would testify and we still aren't guaranteed anything! We would still have to pay our lawyer even if we did get our fees covered and then get reimbursed when she paid him - psh! she was already on probation bc she couldn't make payments on a car she leased for two years! Custody orders are a complete joke! She can keep the kids anytime she feels like it and nothing will happen unless we dish out thousands of dollars! Police can't do a thing, its a civil matter! She hasn't learned anything from this, all she had to do was go to court for a morning! She knows she doesn't HAVE to talk to her lawyer and her lawyer doesn't care, not like she being paid for it by her! Same goes with their divorce. In PA, if you have children under 18 the parents have to take a 4 hour class before a divorce decree can be entered into the court. My bf had to wait to take his until there was one where he didn't have to miss work so he's taking his next week. She has no job and lives at home and still hasn't taken hers. I asked our laywer if there is a time limit he said there is a time limit, the court will take care of it itself if it sits there long enough…really?! what is long enough??? idk, maybe my frustrations aren't with the just the court but also our lawyer, the entire process, and her being a complete waste!

knucklehead's picture

Ok, so they are still married?
Yikes, good luck.
YES, the system is awful. It's expensive, it's slow, it's unfair... I could go on. If they aren't divorced, how is she in contempt? Are there temp orders?
Also, you do not need an attorney to file contempt. I've done it without one. And won.

rosie33's picture

Still married, in process of getting divorced. They have a custody order so she violated that when she kept the boys and thats what we filed contempt for. Even though we went through an attorny to file the original contempt, could we file another one then and just not use him? I wonder how that works but now my mind is running and im googling Wink

my.kids.mom's picture

What a crock. My bf took his ex to court for the same exact thing. Almost a year and a half later (because of false accusations regarding him and his parenting) it is a MESS. My suggestion is to go back to court, but without a lawyer. They are not necessary. Go to the court and ask them for the papers you need to file. They cannot give you legal advice, but they can tell you procedural advice- what papers to file for what circumstance. Just make sure you document everything the exw does.

rosie33's picture

I am looking into that now. I know what you mean as far false allegations. The reason she kept her kids is bc she said my son was "touching" her son inappropriately bc back in January they got into a spat and my son punched hers in the balls - that turned him into a sexual predator! All of our boys were questioned by police and child welfare came to our house. Everything was cleared but she refused to give them back…said her child was in danger! ugh. I could go on and on about her. Nevermind the fact that PA does not do restraining orders! She called my son a pervert at a soccer game after this and the most I could do was send her a certified letter telling her to leave us alone, which I did, and she texted me and told me to shove it up my ass and she will do and say as she pleases. I took that into the police and what did they do? Gave her ANOTHER warning!

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

Ohhhhhhh. 

I don't want to offend you here. Not at all.

If I sent my daughter somewhere, and she got into a fight where her genitals were touched, I would go through every single step necessary in order to ensure she never goes back. There's a fine line when it comes to violence of any kind.

Rags's picture

If it was a fight then there is no part of the body off limits when one is defending themselves.  The investigation was done, there was no finding of molestation on the part of your son  so BM can FO. 

Keep in mind that if BM gets aggressive with you in the future you can defend yourself.  So, when she does it, kick her ass and if necessary, kicking her in the crotch is not be off limits in the course of a fight.  A strike to the groin in the course of a fight is not "touching".

paul_in_utah's picture

When you go to court, everyone loses except for the "bad guy" you are suing. You lose because you waste precious time, money, and energy, and at the end of the day have nothing to show for it. The court system loses in a sense, becuase it wastes time handling cases which it doesn't really care about. The kids lose, because almost nothing is done that will benefit them.

But guess what? The bad guy - in this case the soon to be ex-wife - is the big winner! As you noted, she can sit on her ass and violate court orders until the cows come home, and at the worst, she might have to spend an hour or two in court. Once she leaves, she is free to re-nege on whatever she told the judge that she would do. Your only recourse is to sue her again, and guess what? Nothing will happen then either!!!! The ex-wife can just enjoy the show, knowing that she has frustrated you and made you waste money.

The court system is a joke. Don't waste your time with it. If she's not returning the kids at the moment, that will probably change, because she will get tired of dealing with them, if she's as petty as you say.

herewegoagain's picture

So grateful we never spent a dime taking crazy to court. At the end of the day, I have read so much about what they ARE ALLOWED to get away with, that we realized we could spend thousands and the courts wouldn't do a thing...unless there were physical marks of beatings, physical marks of sexual abuse...so, it is what it is. When the kids end up screwed up, they can blame mommy.