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BM threatened to leave the state with SD

JustSurviving's picture

Last night HCBM texts "call me we need to talk" to DH. So he called her and she asks "How would you feel if I move somewhere warm?" Implying that she was going to leave the state. DH said he has no problem with her moving, but she cannot take SD10 with her. She replied, "She already hates coming to your house. I have to force her to go every time." BM says SD is uncomfortable here and doesn't like me and she wants to move and live with her full time. Anyone else have experience with BM moving out of state? Can she even do that without DH's approval? 

LittleCloud9's picture

In our state she would need court approval to move out of state or more than 25 miles away. You'll need to check the exact laws in your state but most will not allow it without either the other parent agreeing or if she can prove to a court that it is genuinely necessary for the child's well-being 

tog redux's picture

Well, courts say you need approval, but in many cases, if the mother up and moves the child and gets her settled in school, etc, the judge won't take custody from her and give it to the father. 

CastleJJ's picture

Depends on the current custody arrangement. If your DH has any custody at all, BM will need court approval to move. Our BM has sole legal and physical custody since her and DH were never married. SS tipped us off in 2017 that BM was planning to move SS out of state, but BM didn't mention anything. DH sought legal advice and they told DH that since BM has sole legal and physical custody, she could take SS and leave in the middle of the night and there was nothing we could do about it. DH had minimal visitation as it was, only getting SS for single day, couple hour visits, once per week.

BM informed DH of the move months later,  "asking permission" even though BM knew damn well she didn't need it, and DH approved the move, since DH knew he was powerless to stop it. DH used BM's move to barter a decent court ordered long distance visitation schedule. BM and SS moved 5 years ago. It took a long time after BM moved to establish boundaries and expectations and drama certainly ramped up. We still aren't where we ideally want to be in terms of visitation, since we only get 6 weeks per year, but it's a heck of a lot better than it was. We won't be going back to court to fight for more visitation since our last court fight for more visitation was a waste. Things have been relatively calm for the past 2 years and putting some distance between us and HCBM has been a blessing and is well worth the lesser visitation with SS. 

JustSurviving's picture

DH has 50% custody so sounds like she would need his permission. I don't know if she would just up and leave. IMHO I think she just wants SD full time to get more child support. She doesn't ever do anything with SD when she has her. 

Rags's picture

The problem is that it is rare that a BP who steals a kid and moves without the permission of their X or the courts, even when there is a CO stipulating X and/or court permission, is held accountable. The good news, it can work both ways. 

If BM leaves with the kid violating the CO, dad should immediatley recover the kid, and return then  file for emergency custody.

Of course talk to an attorney.