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BM's texts to DH

I love dogs's picture

She "wants to talk" as per usual. She said "SD would love to see him" and he's "keeping her in the dark" and she wants to know what the state police officer and CPS lady said. DH just told her that the last thing he heard was they're supposed to talk to her and everyone thinks he's an abusive alcoholic.

Then BM says again that they need to talk so that she knows he won't drink around SD anymore. Isn't that none of her damn business unless he's ordered to take AA classes through the court? Again, DH is letting BM get to him and control his life. I told him to STFU and it's NONE OF HER BUSINESS what goes on in our home!

Edit: I just found out that BM said DH can have SD on Christmas. He had me feeling bad for him not being able to see SD when on Thursday, BM said he could see her. I work 7-7 so hopefully don't have to see SD and I told him to not tell me anything anymore since all I get is half truths. I have our baby to focus on and that's what you all have been telling me this whole time.. Man, I feel stupid.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Personally, I don't think it's too much to ask that he not drink around his minor daughter, as he obviously has issues.

I love dogs's picture

But BM can be stoned all the time? Yeah, that makes sense. Again, it's all about control.

Edit: Thanksgiving wasn't about DH's drinking. He had 4 beers over the span of 6 hours. I was with him the entire time. Thanksgiving was about SD acting like a spoiled diva and arguing with DH because he was trying to help her make mac n cheese and she made a scene at my dad's house just prior to that.

hereiam's picture

What does that have to do with the kind of father your husband should want to be to his daughter? This is not tit for tat, this is his daughter we're talking about. So, the fact that BM is a shit mother gives him the green light to be a shit father? Okay.

I have a niece that has 2 alcholic parents and it is not working out well for her. I will likely finish raising her.

I know that your SD is not your kid and that you do not love her, but she deserves at least one parent that cares more for her than they do their own addiciton.

I love dogs's picture

I'm just saying that this is yet another thing for BM to lord over DH and assert her need for control. I'm not saying he doesn't have room to improve as a parent. I'm saying that they're back to square one as far as custody of SD and yes, I'm sick of it.

Disneyfan's picture

"Then BM says again that they need to talk so that she knows he won't drink around SD anymore. Isn't that none of her damn business unless he's ordered to take AA classes through the court? Again, DH is letting BM get to him and control his life. I told him to STFU and it's NONE OF HER BUSINESS what goes on in our home!"

Of course it's her damn business.  Just like her drug use is his business.  Their drug/alcohol use will impact how they parent.

It's interesting that you are concerned about mom worring about what goes on in your home and not about her LYING about his drinking.   That leads me to believe that her concerns about his drinking are valid. 

The fact that he was aware of mom using drugs and the possibility that her SO is a dealer, yet never called CPS speaks to his judgment as a parent.

I love dogs's picture

CPS is pretty good about informing parties of their visits. Someone even posted here that BM would more than likely get a heads up and have time to get rid of any evidence before a visit. Plus marijuana just isn't as offensive nowadays. Should I tell DH to tell BM that he'll stop drinking around SD when BM's boyfriend stops selling weed out of their house with 3 kids in it?

twoviewpoints's picture

State police do not answer these types of calls in my state. You'd get city police or county sheriff.

You said in other post "until investigation is over" . When the h*ll is "the investigation" going to begin? CPS is not investigating ... it's been month. No phone interview. No home visit. Supposedly your DH had to call the office to even ask if there was an investigation. 

Has it occurred to you that all the communication has been via phone and only when your DH is alone/working? You have yet to see one ounce of proof that anyone from from CPS or the police, for that matter, has actually called and/or showed up. Just Dh's word. Why would a state police do a walk through of your home? The police get involved when CPS calls them in. What good did it do for state office to walk through your home especially before any case work has been done. Sure, BM told you SD was interviewed at school. Maybe so, maybe just saying so.

Regardless, now it's back to BM and DH just meeting to "talk", Dad giving her verbal assurances he won't drink when SD around and then SD can come see him. 

Call me super paranoid, but IMO based on what little has supposedly happened so far, I think all three of them are playing you. At most BM may have made a police compliant thus SD's declaration Dad might get arrested. Your state either has the worse CPS in the Nation or you're being feed a load of crap. 

And while you believe it's perfectly ok for your DH to drink as long as it's only four in six hours, I really seriously hope you will reconsider leaving a brand new baby in the care of your Dh while you start back to work. He has anger issues, he drinks and whether did or still he also smokes weed. 

Just my two cents.

Livingoutloud's picture

Two wrongs don’t make it right. Just because BM is stoned, it doesn’t make it ok for DH to be stoned or drunk all the time (or often). Just going by your posts here he has obvious substance abuse problems. Why isn’t DH informing authorities about BM abusing drugs? Is it because he is just the same as her? Poor SD. 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

BM has no right to make demands about what happens in ILD's house. Unless her DH is getting p*ss drunk and waking up naked on the front lawn next to his crashed car, of course.

An adult having a responsible alcoholic drink in their house is legal and, to most people, moral. If DH caves on this and curbs the drinking around SD, what's next? "Sd was offended you were kissing your wife. You can't have sex while SD is in the house." Or.. "SD said your car was in the shop. I need my mechanic to look it over to make sure it's a safe and reliable vehicle to transport my daughter." 

All of this situation, from the untrue CPS report to the claims of being bullied, is about control and power. ILD was "hired on" to make a home and a life with her DH, SD and their kid. Their home is her castle, too. If DH can't grow a spine and put BM back in her place then what was the point of dragging a new wife in to be miserable.ILD deserves better.

I love dogs's picture

This is what I'm saying! It happens here all the time! I love my husband but him keeping things from me really makes me question our relationship and I absolutely want nothing to do with SD anymore. Him having a child with someone else has brought nothing but stress to my life and now I've involved another child. I feel so stupid.