Wife Idolizes Daughter That I Can't Stand!
My wife of now one year have been dating for almost 8 years. She has two adult girls from her first marriage 22 and 18, and I have one daughter 12 from my first marriage.
My Wife's oldest daughter and I get along fairly well. Shes's the typical entitled millennial that complains she doesnt get enough, but she's smart, works hard and has a good head on her shoulders. She's at away at college (too close to home in my opinion to actually "break away" from Mom's helicopter parenting) and sadly, her birth father who is a high paid corporate executive pays ZERO for her education, and that falls on my shoulders (I definately struggle financially). She and I have a pretty good relationship, and she respects me as a step dad.
My Wife's younger daughter is a NIGHTMARE and I know this sounds harsh, but honestly I cant see anything of any value in this kid. When I first started dating my wife, the daughter was in middle school. This kid is honestly probably one of the dumbest people I have ever known. She has zero common sense and says things and asks questions that are completely idiotic. And no, she doesnt have any disabilities, she's just a complete MORON. Throughout middle school and high school, literally every single day, she complained that she couldnt go to school because she was "sick", didn't sleep well and mom just said "it's okay honey you can stay home". She never ever did a lick of homework or studying. Seriously not a bit ever! Even when her peers where complaining about how overwhelmed with tests and assignments, this kid layed in bed watching TV or staring into her iPhone. She had no friends, never went out and just layed in her bed day and night "liking" instagram posts for attention.
Sadly, for my wife, this child is her WORLD and franky she obsesses over her. If we had a date night planned, my wife feels guilty and we have to take the kid along. If we are invited to friends for an adult evening, my wife brings her along. Our adult friends have honestly stopped inviting us out because they dont want the kid coming.
Fast forward to this kid turning 18 several months ago. She has a boyfriend who is frighteningly as lazy and dumb as she is and all they did all summer was lay in bed together (in my house mind you), eat, sleep and watch TV. We made her get a job but come to find out that she told the employer she only was available 4 hours a week. Of course the story she told us was that the employer never gave her any hours. Oh, did I mention, this girl is a pathological liar.
One evening over the summer, she comes home after "watching movies" at a "friend's house". She's driven, a car registered to and insured under my name mind you, drunk and clearly high on what I suspect was cocaine. Needless to say I was livid, and demanded to her mother that there be consequences. Her mom, my wife reacted by taking her phone away for probably all of about 6 hours and promptly gave it back to her because, "she is sorry and apologized".
So there is an example of the crux of our problem. My wife IDOLIZES this child! She makes excuses for every action and refuses to ever discipline her. In contrast, the older daughter was regularily disciplined as a child. The "golden child" can do no wrong in my wife's eyes. She's had her driver's license for just two years, but has already crashed the car 6 times! My wife's response? Oh she's "just nervous".
I could go on and on with stories of how stupid, lazy and dumb this kid is!
So this kid decides a few months ago that she's moving in with her boyfriend, because we are "too strict". Which is a joke, because my wife would let this kid get away with murder, and I am not allowed to say or do anything contrary to my wife's wishes with regard to this kid. So we have a big blow up, the daughter moves out of our home and in with the boyfriend. That was a few months ago now, and honestly, it's been the BEST time in my wife and I's relationship. I LOVE having her daughter gone from my home!
Sadly though, my wife texts her daughter perhaps 10-20 times a day begging her to move back, offering to buy her things, give her money, do basically ANYTHING to have her move back. I made the mistake the other night of calling my wife on it, and basically saying I was not going to support a lazy now adult who refuses to work, take school seriously, etc. when I greatly struggle to pay my way
Just because it's your wife's
Just because it's your wife's kid doesn't mean you have to like her or that she's your responsibility. It's both YOUR and your wife's home. So any rules should be agreed upon, people moving into the ouse should also be agreed upon, and finances in a marriage really need to be agreed upon (That's one of the biggest issues that can KILL marriages)
Hold to your guns, I don't think it was a mistake telling your wife that. It sounds like she needed to hear it, and you shouldn't be supporting someone who won't help themselves. That's called enabling and it creates unproductive members of society who will be forever dependent on you and never learn becuase you're shielding consequences.
First, if you are struggling
First, if you are struggling financially, why in the world are you paying for the older girl's college? Maybe corporate executive Biodad was trying to teach his entitled princesses that they need skin in the game, but your wife convinced you to sabotage that lesson.
Your wife is a terrible parent. Her complete lack of parenting is your problem. She will enable this spoiled brat for another 40 years unless you can get her to see a therapist who convinces her that she is permanently damaging her golden child.
Finish My Thoughts
I hit save on my orignial post thinking I could come back and finish it, but I guess that's not an option, so here's my closing...
So when I told my wife that I hoped that her daughter would never move back into my home again, I was essentially told in no uncertain terms that HER daughter will ALWAYS be welcome in HER home and if I don't like that or try to stand in the way then I can hit the road!
This "child" has always been number one to my wife. My wife's parents have recognized and commented on it, her older daughter has said the same thing. It's really bizarre, this kid has literally no good qualities, and Im not just exaturating to be cruel. This girl is stupid, dumb, lazy, always lies, conseited (she is homely but takes selfies and modeling poses of her self constantly and thinks she's a beauty queen), has zero motivation, just lays in bed in her room hours on end, and im just getting started. I just dont understrand why my wife is SO over the top about this girl. Everyone jokes about how this girl will be living with us and going out on dates with us when she's 40! Honestly, this girl is an absolute and total ZERO!
I love my wife, and she does have amazing qualities and Im still very physically attracted to her, but this girl is ruining our marriage. Literally the sound of her daughter's voice, and the inconherient ramblings she talks about are like nails on a chalkboard for me. Sadly, I know where I stand. I am not muber one for my wife, and never will be. This one daughter is, has been and always will be my wife's number one priority. I swear, this girl could murder someone in front of my wife with the gun in her hand and my wife would just say, "oh honey, it's okay, mommy will take care of you". Its a insane relationship she has with this girl and I just dont get it.
Im honestly at a loss. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I pay all the bills, the rent, insurance, etc and to top it off the older daugher's college after financial aid. I live paycheck to paycheck, and forgo anything for myself. I never signed up to support this brat!
I know I probably sound like a horrible person, but I honestly dispise this girl. I would be very happy if I never ever had to see or hear about her ever again. Sadly my wife is obsessed with her, and wants her around 24/7. I know the day is coming when this girl actually does move back to my home (her loser boyfriend will never last and she'll come running back just like mommy wants) and I don't think I can handle it. I do love my wife, so the idea of a divorce is not really what I want, but I honestly can't live my life with her daughter in it.
I'm glad I found this forum, buecause I've felt for quite some time know like im going to explode. It's eating me alive and I just don't know what the right thing to do is....
You are not a horrible person
You are not a horrible person. Of course you have resentment built up over this situation. I think you should be telling your wife to hit the road and not her telling you that crap. You do all the providing and she thinks she can tell you to hit the road?!?!
What are you getting out of this relationship other than extra debt and stress?!?
I'm new here so bear with me....
But, the main problem, IMHO, is you. Let me explain:
You married a woman, and then make excuses for her not working full time. Now, you want the daughter, your step daughter, to be more of an example than what her mother is.
Don't Blow it Now
The kid is finally out of the house. Yahoo! But I'd carefully plan your next move. Telling wife SD may not move back is picking a fight you might not have to pick - there's no threat right now of her coming back, so take it easy and think about this.
SD will come running back when her relationship with BF fails. That's when you have to worry. The more SD entrenches herself outside your house now, the better. A job, a lease, a car...all those things that tie us down will tie her down too. So I'd soothingly encourage your wife to help SD get herself established (elsewhere!) so it's not so easy for her to come back. Encourage your wife to let SD pursue her current life as the "natural" path for a young adult. She should get her a housewarming gift and take ALL her stuff to the new place so there's more to move back when her relationship fails. Essentially, act as if this is her new, permanent life.
If I were you, I'd be very concerned SD will come back with a few babies for you to raise. But if your wife has allowed her underage daughter to shack up, there's little you can do about it. Has your wife discussed birth control with SD? Because if that kid gets pregnant, you will be on the hook for more than one SD. When you make that declarative statement about SD not moving back, maybe change it just a little to "no babies moving in." I'm telling you, your wife will be even worse when SD starts spawning. You will be fourth in consideration then.
Yes, I'm thrilled the SD is
Yes, I'm thrilled the SD is out of the house! It's honestly been the best couple of months! Sadly, my wife is secretly and not so secretely "talking" to SD. She texts her at leadt 10-20 times a day, calls her, begging her to move back. Whenever I call my wife on it and telling her to let SD be, I'm attacked and told that SD will ALWAYS be a part of our lives. I've even told her that the bible does say to put your spouse first, but she just responds that she does put me first, which is patently FALSE. SD is first! Always is!
Thankfully the moron is on birth control, but what I fear is she's so dumb, she will "forget".
I do try to encourage my wife to let SD go and let her become an independent adult, but I am met with, "she's young at heart and needs me". I know this is an issue for my wife. Sadly I think having become a stay at home mom relatively early in life, being a mom, IS her life. She doesn't want to let go of "her baby" because then she will lose sense of purpose.
Im really not seeing a good solution to all of this sadly. I literally HATE my SD, but my wife will NEVER distance herself from her.
How did you end up with
How did you end up with someone so focused on her kids? How did she even leave them alone long enough to hook you? And why did your wife allow her underage daughter to move out if she's so clingy? Why isn't she being a mother to SD instead of letting the BF be her mom now? I mean, a 17-year-old shacking up is sort of dropping the ball on parenting. Very weird situation.
It seems as if mom is clinging to SD, but SD isn't necessarily clinging to mom, so you've got that going for you. Now, while SD is solidly out and not trying to come back, I'd try to stop fighting or talking about SD. Try to show your wife what life without kids offers. Could you take a trip, go camping, turn a bedroom into a home gym and start working out together?
Was your wife not like this with her kids when you dated? Kids in general were such a turnoff to me, but a helicopter parent AND a kid wouldn't have even gotten a date with me!
Good question. Don't get me
Good question. Don't get me wrong, I do love my wife. She's beautiful, sweet, fun caring and great with my daughter. When we first started dating, she certainly indicated her kids were important to her but we went on dates, weekends away, late nights, etc. Her kids, were left at home (as is normal for kids those ages at the time) and all was well. After we moved in together, I began to realize that her younger daughter (the reason for all my posts) was her WORLD. She became obessed with this kid. Tracking her constantly on 'Find My Friends', picking her up and taking her to school daily despite the school being seriously only a few hundred yeards away. Constatly texting the kid asking insessently, "are you okay?"
I quickly realized from my own experiences as well as hearing from my wife's own family and friends that she had always "felt guilty" not doting on this kid and always showed favortism to her.
Had I known then what I know how about my wife's unhealthy obsession with this girl would I have continured in the relationship? Probably not. I guess now I feel like im in too deep....
Just to clairify, the SD in
Just to clairify, the SD in question is 18, almost 19 now, and didn't move out unti she was a few months over 18.
DW needs to get a job and
DW needs to get a job and start paying half the bills, stat. Then maybe she will have some empathy for responsible adults. If SD moves back in, she will be in a better position to support herself.
So stop paying. I'd love to
So stop paying. I'd love to see how your wife would justify forcing you to pay for her children... it's not your job, it's hers. If she can't provide for HER children, perhaps she shouldn't have them around.
You are right. I never signed
You are right. I never signed up to support her kids. When we met, my wife received alimony and child support from her richy rich ex, however it was grossly inadaquate to allow her to live in this area with two teen girls but that all ended when they turned 18. Now the Bio Dad provides literally ZERO.
I actually stood my ground just the other day when my wife went with the SD (the stupid one Im talking about) to get her car fixed after she crashed it, yet AGAIN and required an $800 repair. I said, I am NOT paying for it. I have gotten grief and a guilt trip for doing that daily ever since.
She is a serial gold digger.
She is a serial gold digger. What are the alimony laws in your state? If you have been married 8 years, and she can get alimony from you after 10, you should get out now. She's using you.
We're a community property
We're a community property state so everything is 50/50. However, since every dollar I make, and the last several years, they havent been many, I own esentially nothing. We rent and given how much I shell out to support my wife and her kids, I will never get my head above water and own a home.
Don't stay married too long,
Don't stay married too long, or you will owe her alimony as well. There's no excuse for a healthy adult with kids over age 7 to not be working.
I don't want to make it sound
I don't want to make it sound like it's all about money. That's a major factor don't get me wrong but the real truth of the matter is I just flat out cannot stand this girl! She's annoying, stupid, lazy, a liar, conceited, unmotivated and I could go on and on. I literally cannot bear being around this girl.
I know this probably sounds incredibly harsh and I sound like a cold hearted person but I fell in love with my wife, not her kids. I do care about her older daughter. I have issues with her entitlement and attitude at times, but generally like and care for her. It's the younger daughter that I honestly wish I never had to ever see or hear from ever again. Just her very presence makes me squirm.
Would your wife be open to
Would your wife be open to seeing a counselor? Her focus on your SD is not healthy for either of them. Your wife is failing her daughter by not enabling her to become a responsible adult.
I did at one time mention the
I did at one time mention the idea of us going to counciling, and I was met with "yes, you need counciling as to why you could hate a innocent kid". Meaning she thinks the only one needing any counciling is me because I don't idolize her stupid, lazy, lying, conceited daughter. So I doubt we'd make any headway going down that road.
So, as timing would have it,
So, as timing would have it, we are hosting a weekend celebration for my in-laws anniversary this weekend. Stupid, aka SD is supposedly coming along. I'm absolutly DREADING being around her. To top it off, I was just told by my wife, in no uncertain terms, that I "need to be nice and welcoming to her (stupid/SD)." I responded, "I have never not been nice to her, but I will NOT roll over and let her be the center of attention like she always is". Stay tuned, could be a crazy weekend....
Good luck
Hope its bearable this weekend for you. I am in a somewhat similiar situation and its tough as you are always the bad guy. Make an exit plan even if it takes putting away some money weekly so you will have some options for if and when things go south.
I so understand how you feel
My DH can not say no to SD17. She does whatever the hell she wants whenever the hell she wants and to avoid conflict after 20-30 speed texts asking why she can't do this or that or have money or whatever he just gives in. She refuses to have a job..won't even look for one. I used to roll with the flow and not say much but since she is grown now and still living here I started telling her off about things but it really hasn't changed much. She still disrespects us both. She moved out for a brief period of time and it was the most peaceful happy time I can remember but she was back in a month because she doesn't have friends/boyfriends for very long because she is such a controlling hateful person. I can honestly say I do not like her and the feeling is mutual. I'm soooo done with her bullcrap.
Yikes!
This wife of yours needs a short sharp leson on how to be a wife because frankly she can hand back her wife-card anytime she wants.
I would start by telling her that you will not be paying anything additional for her or her daughters. DW (Dear/Dumb Wife) gets a budget of xxx$ a month and that is IT! Not a cent more. If DW doesn;'t like this she can get a full time job. Start putting $100 away every month for your retirement because that will be here before you can spit.
Then her Older Daughter ... as long as she continues to succeed she gets rewarded appropriately directly from you. She is making an effort to launch whereas her sister loves playing at Mothers and Fathers with the shack-up guy.
Younger Daughter ... just tell DW that if she insists on SD living in the home you pay for then sadly DW will have to find her own place and move out with SD. I am very close to my daughters and talk to them daily. However I would never put them ahead of my husband. Your DW has a very odd way of raising her daughter. Maybe she sees herself in YD and is giving her the life she always wanted for herself.
And who pays for her cell phone? You? Drop her from the plan or restrict her coverage. Drop the internet access for the girl. DW will have a fit but this is all part of your 'saving for retirement' plan (wink/wink) In fact I would make EVERYTHING about saving for retirement. Did you know most people only have about $35K saved for retirement? That would last about 18 mths-ish. Depending where you live. And maybe look at moving once your lease is up. Tell her there isn't any need to live in this area any longer. OSD is living on her own and YSD seemes to be settled with BF (eye roll). And you will not be renewing the lease as you want to .. what do we say? ... save for a good retirement.
It may come down to DW moving out. But I bet she will come running back pretty quickly when she has to be a grown up. Right now and in her previous marriage someone took care of EVERYTHING for her and this suits her very well. But I would definitely start by putting her on a budget and encourage her to get a full time or higher paying job. And do not renew the lease. What will she do if you don't do that? Cry? Leave you? Silent treatment?
I just had the empty nester epiphany in your case
Until fairly recently your wife has been a SAHM and her whole life has been all kids all of the time for two+ decades. She doesn't know how to be her own person or a dedicated equity life partner. Her eldest is far more independent with a much better head on her shoulders than the youngest so DW transposing her own life value onto the toxic and needy youngest does potentially make some sense.
Though we did have a little bit of the empty nester transition issues and we both missed the kid when he launched, we were both graduate degreed professionals with active careers at that time. As a further distraction from the empty nester transition struggles we moved over seas 5mos after he reported for basic training and spent the next 7 years living our expat adventure together half way around the world from the Skid or either of our families.
Have you considered looking into a career move that would deliver a different geographic location for you and your DW to make your own non kid focused life in?
Though not a planned out thing... it worked well for us.
So back from the long weekend
So back from the long weekend, and it was horrible! As I expected, wife used the weekend from the moment we picked up Stupid/SD to "win her back". Wife spent literally EVERY moment of the trip doting on this child. Every five seconds it was "honey, I love you", "honey what do you need", "honey what can I do for you". I litterally was gagging listening to it. My wife treats this "child" like she's 5 and mind you shes'd almost 19!! Wife took her to get her nails done, bought her clothes, we ate where stupid/sd wanted to eat, did what she wanted. Its nausiating!!
I honestly think my wife figured that getting stupid/sd away from her boyfriend for the weekend would allow wife to dote on her so much she would want to move back home. And dote she did in a mannar that was beyond disgusting. Mind you, when I said anything or rolled my eyes, my wife barked at me "you better be nice to SD" and "tell SD you love her". I was scolded numerous times for "not making SD feel welcome".
My wife is convinced that her "sweet, innocent, caring" (barf!) daughter is esentially being held prisoner by her boyfriend and really misses living at home. I just don't get it. I know shes a mom, but how can she be so blind to how sneaky, divious, manuplitave and such a liar that Stupid/SD is? How is it just me that sees it?
At the conclusion of the trip after we dropped Stupid/SD off back at her boyfriend's house, I finally had enough after the good-bye where my wife won't stop hugging and kissing this loser, telling her repeatedly she loves her and please come back home. I called my wife on it and told her she had a completely un-natural, inappropriate and over the top obession with stupid/sd. I said its disgusting how she dotes on her and treats her like shes 5. My wife snapped and went balistic, telling me "i'm a mom and I will treat her anyway I want, and you better start being nice to her and stop interfering".
As an example of just how dumb this kid is, during a converstaion with the "family", she blurts out that she's going to"get a degree to become a DERMATOLOGIST". My wife of course praises her up and down at how wonderful she is. Now of course, this idiot means she wants to be an esthetician! God help this kid, she's so DUMB!!! Now mind you that would be a great profession for her, she's wasting time going to college (and my money) because she's not academic at all! It just makes me crazy that my wife resfuses to even correct her, she just continues to praise her! She also wrote an essay for an english class on the trip and my wife made me "help" her. I swear reading it was like reading the work of a third grader! misspellings, bad grammar and made absolutly no sense! Now watch, when she gets an F, which she deserves for work like that at the Jr College level, I will be blamed for"not helping her enough".
Thank you all for listening. I find this forum to be very cathartic. I'm literally in misery living this life right now. I dread living like this, especially when Stupid/SD eventually moves back in, which I know she eventually will, but I also dread the idea of moving out and setting up a new home for myself and my daughter. I know somone said why would I move out and not make my wife move out, and the answer is, one we rent, and two I moved to where my wife lived, and honestly hate living in this town!
I'm just depressed, frustrated and at my whits end of what to do....
What your wife doing is
What your wife doing is called enabling (and other things too...) Enablers don't realize what they're doing until the one they're enabling falls so far off the deep end they hurt the enabler bad enough to open their eyes. Naturally it's easier to see the s**8 going on from the outside like you're seeing.
If you wife won't listen I don't have much for a solution. But if this kid is going to go anywhere and stop mooching anytime soon she's going to need a bit of tough love.
My condolences for the chaos...
No more college money without a report card of Cs or better
Pretty simple. No performance, no SDad money. No money for retaking failed classes either.
Your money comes with compliance for performance and behavioral standards. No compliance, no cash.
Lather, rinse, repeat. If your DW wants to support this crap... she can get a job and after she contributes equitably to the household expenses, she can support SD with what is left. Household expenses includes contribution to retirement investments.
Wife always thows in my face
Wife always thows in my face that "you hate SD" and says she can't understand how I have such hatred of SD. Am I awful? I just cannot stand this girl! She's manupatulative, needy, a liar, sneaky, rude, lazy and seriously the most stupid person I have ever met! You may ask why I married my wife knowing her daughter was this way. I guess I hoped at first it was just her youth and she'd grow out of it and go off to college. Obviously I was wrong! I honestly can see wife supporting, coddeling and obsessing over SD when she's 40!!! She seriously makes me crazy and I can't stand being around her!
Latest update.
Latest update.
So apparently after the weekend trip away that I wrote about above, where I know my wife was planning to "win back" SD/Stupid and that didnt work out as DW had hoped, I am being blamed for Stupid/SD not moving back home because I "don't hug her and talk to her". I am essentially being told that I better do as im told with respect to doting on stupid/SD or DW is leaving me.
Is it just me or is there something really sick and twisted about a wife putting her 19 yr old daughter WAY ahead of her husband? The "orders" are essentially, let Stupid/SD move home, let her be her lazy stupid self, pay for everything for her, dote on her, express no opinion about what she does and basically just send money or else.
Absolutely there is something sick about it.
Why you tolerate it is beyond me.
I think Im going to puke.
I think Im going to puke. Listening to wife talk on the phone to a friend and she's gushing about how wonderful Stupid/SD is and how she can't wait until she moves back home. Wife is telling friend that Stupid/SD, "misses Mommy" and "can't wait to be back in her room". Oh yeah, laying on her bed, on her phone, being lazy, sleeping and being the lazy slob she is on my dime. I'm literally about to go insane with the thought of having to be around that idiot of a person!!
Dude please, for the love of
Dude please, for the love of Pete, please talk to a GOOD divorce attorney and find out where you stand.
I've got a SD who is a lot like your wife: she's never lived independently or been self supporting; thinks men are atms without feelings or rights who have a duty to support the household and never question anything; and thinks her status as MOTHER entitles her to a free ride through life. Also like your wife, my SD can be sweet as pie - unless you cross her or call her out on crap. Then the real SD comes out, tantruming, yelling, furious.
Your wife knows you better than you know yourself; that's how she's kept you on the hook and paying for everything. Without realizing it, you have been manipulated. You are not in a partnership and you are not being loved, appreciated, and prioritized as you should. Please take steps to lose the dead weight.
So here’s we go again. Stupid
So here’s we go again. Stupid/SD every few months for as long as I’ve been in the picture claims she’s having an appendicitis. In the past, she throws herself on the floor crying that she has to go to the doctor. Now mind you this always seems to happen for one of two reasons, one she has a test or homework assignment of course she didn’t do and needs to get out of it or two she’s just so stupid and loves drama and attention. The last time this went on was about 6 months ago. Mom of course rushes her off to the ER where they say she’s fine. Oh, the diagnosis? This idiot is so stupid she holds her poop in. It’s absoultly bizarre but I guess some crazy body image thing that this girl thinks it’s bad to poop. So every time she goes off to the ER they say, “ you need to poop”. This girl is so beyond disgusting.
So this afternoon, SD/Stupid texts Mom that she is going to the ER because she’s yet again having an apendicitis. Of course, as she always does, doting in this girl, my wife rushes off to meet her there. Guess who they will expect to pay the $5000 bill we will get again? Yup, me. I’m not going to pay it. I’m so sick of this kid and all her drama!!
So the latest update in my
So the latest update in my tale of woe is that Stupid/SD moved back into my home last night. My wife told me in no uncertain terms that I was "to be nice and welcoming to her" and was unequivocally told my opinion of not wanting her back in MY home mattered not. We got into a huge fight over it, and the end result was essentially that my wife's first priority was her daughter, and if I didn't like it, tough. The ultimatum I was essentially given is that unless I wanted to get a divorce, I am to be nice to, dote on, lavish money on and essentially let Stupid/SD do whatever she wants. I told my wife, "you either chose her or me, period" She said without hesitation, "I will always put my daughter first." I looked at her straight and said, "well I guess I'll be meeting with a divorce attorney and you and your precious girls can learn to do without me and my money."
What makes my wife's behavior with respect to her loser daughter even worse is she told me that the reason Stupid/SD was moving back home was because she had realized that she was "too young to financially make it on her own". In other words, Mom's daily barage of texts to her saying, "i'll give you money, I'll give you anything and evertyhing you want", finally worked. I just discovered however, that what really 'won her back' was Mom's promise to buy her a new car! I honestly have realized that not only is my wife (and hopefully soon to be EX) sickeningly innapropriately obessed with Stupid/SD, but I'm now convinced she has some sort of psychological issue. I mean your so despirate to have this loser move back home that you bribe her? Now that's insane behavior I can certainly do without!
DW will have a hard time
DW will have a hard time making her promise come true. I guess she's going to have to get a job to buy SD that car.
Hi Fly- I haven't responded
Hi Fly- I haven't responded before but your story touched a nerve with me. Our circumstances aren't the same but my now X also told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't believe in priorities. His idea was that we should all just get along.Hence I began to call him The Ostrich. What that meant to me was that I should just fit in with what he wanted, which was helping ot his kids financially and practically, and that I would just have to suck it up.
Like you, I got sick of being sidelined, and disengaged- after a year of what amounted to mental torture and manipulation I finally walked. My future is uncertain and a bit scary, but I am realising how much I am loved by my own family and wonderful friends. I am so much better out of that toxicity and I am looking forward to my new life without him, which even a few weeks ago I could not contemplate.
I wish you well in the choices you have to make- so many are making this journey of breaking free on here just now, and we are supporting each other all the time. Keep us informed of how you get on and the very best of luck.
Now that you have played the "D" card.. don't delay
Get your attorney and file immediatley. Call a locksmith and rekey the locks the next time DW and her spawn are out of the house. Dpn't let them back in. Lock up the assets, put them on the curb, and don't give in.
Your STBXW has made her statement. Now make her live it without you, without your assets, and without your support. See how long the toxic crotch dropping hangs around with mom not being able to cater to her with your money.
Mommy is gonna be vewy, vewy lonely I predict. Her DH will be long gone and in short order so will her daughter.
Take care of you.