They never will.

Think about it. Would you put your partner above your kids. Unless YOU admitted that your kids are absolute $hits, you would always put them first. Whether you realise they are absolute $hits is another discussion altogether. I know that my partners skids will ALWAYS come first until she actually gets sick of them and makes the decisions for herself. The way that I am doing that now is letting her deal with all the crap because up until this point I have helped her out. I'll leave it go for the time being but at some point they will hopefully move out and I won't have to see them. I'm biding my time and eventually I will start the discussion of them moving out unless they pay their way....

Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. It all depends whether he had any conflicts with his ex or if he gets a call from his son.

I'm doubting myself here and there if I make the right decision or should I go. But I always come second in life and I'm not sure if this is just fate. 

I've never felt that way about DH but we were both divorced, it's just he came with kids and I didn't.

It probably depends on the individual, but I never compared my marriages and both weddings were special regardless if it was my second time and unless the person is hung up on the ex I doubt they are thinking about them during those special moments.

My husband does not make me feel like I am second (actually 3rd as I'm his 3rd wife) best. Equally I do not come second behind his child in his mind or actions. He tells me that he can make more children but can't make another wife. Having had 2 other marriages fail, he is determined to make it work this time and treats me very well.

There are frequently advantages to being the third wife, and to him having had a child before I met him. When we look only for the problems all we see is the problems. When I look at the situation I see that my husband (like me - but without the marriages) had 2 other major relationships before he met me. In those relationships he learnt how to be a good partner. He learnt what he does and does not want in a relationship so that when it got to me he knew that we were a good match. Having had a kid prior to our relationship helped mature my husband, it helped push him to provide for his family and get a decent career which I now benefit from. This year we had our first child amid Covid and living thousands of miles from any of our families. It was great that this was not his first child and he knew all of the things that I didn't about how to care for babies, he taught me a lot when we had no one else here to help us. 

If you feel like you are put in second place all the time, if you feel like you never come first with your partner and resent that you are not sharing many "firsts" with them then I put it to you that the issue is with your partner and the relationship in general not the fact that they were previously married and had a kid. They would probably still be a selfish partner who puts you second if they didn't come with all that bagage. It would just be something or someone else that you were behind...another family member, a favored hobby or work commitments.  

I am not saying that being in a relationship with someone with a kid is easy or plain sailing, but that a good partner will not make you feel second best.

I'm probably one of the most extreme people to ask this to but...hell no

I would rather date a homeless man, a man with no job or a man who can't even preform in the bedroom than date single dad again

I developed feelings of hate and contempt for my EXSS5 because of how resentful I was about having to play second fiddle to him day in and day out. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't want him in my home. I didn't even want my ex talking about him. 

But to put things into context we had his son on every one of our days off and he was a brat with me so resentments built up very, very quickly

I even broke up with my ex, the most wonderful man I had ever met because I hated him having a kid that much. And even now, I don't even miss my ex that much because of how miserable I was being with him. 

Nope, I'd rather jump off a cliff than do it again 

My hubby puts me first. He's very clear about it and SS knows the deal. SS actually seems to do better knowing that his dad and I are a solid team.

What kills me is as a step family you always feel like you're under a microscope. Everyone else in the world gets to get married, find their balance, figure things out and stumble through making mistakes. It's no big deal. In step life there's immense pressure to get everything right from the very beginning. BM is watching, kids are watching, courts and lawyers are watching... all waiting to crucify you the minute you slip up.

Did you have an argument? Shame on you for having such a stressful family environment! Did you raise your voice? That's abusive. Every first family can act like an insane asylum every day of the year for 20 years but not us... we don't get to fall or trip once, we gotta run like a champ from the start.

I want to be able to learn with experience like a normal family without a pack of strangers looking down on me

But... my incredible bride is incredible that way.

Before we married DH told me in so many words that his son would always come first. Dumbo here didn't realize what this actually meant until DH began prioritizing his son's needs and wants before mine. Fortunately for me, circumstances and my own ballsiness conspired to charge DH a very high price for his backwards priorities and he finally changed them. It took several very uncomfortable years to complete this process, and it never should have taken so long or been so difficult. We are OK now but I don't recommend the process to anyone. It was a war and  not everyone has the resources to fight one.