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Why do these skids think we want to be around them?

stepmominhiding's picture

Skid asked me if i can wake her up super early,  like when i wake up.  This was her exact question.  I asked her she said because she wants to make breakfast for everyone.  This seems like a sweet offer for sd to make, except for the fact that she SUUUUUUCKS at cleaning up after herself. Which means I'll have to be doing the cleaning, she suuuuuucks at cooking, which means I'll br doing most of the picking the egg shells out of the batter,  I'll be reminding her to flip the pancakes. She'll end up with a head ache, and get dizzy,  then I'll have to finish the whole thing,  instead of having a peaceful quiet morning. 

 

Besides when i wake up, it's time away from all the children, esp her. She's whiney, annoying, and can barely wipe her own butt with out assistance. Why would i want her up with me as soon as i wake up? Nobody even said anything about wanting pancakes,  she just assumes everyone wants what ever she makes them. 

Iamwoman's picture

I would just tell her that sleep is important, so “no.”

Our skids aren’t allowed out of their rooms in the morning until DH and I say so. It has taken them years to be able to follow this rule, but worth it because they used to terrorize our mornings.

 

Why can’t skid make breakfast with her dad? This seems like a perfect daddy/daughter bonding moment.

Its not your job to wake, clean up after, or cater to skid’s desires. If she wants to bond with you, she can do it on your terms. You’re the adult.

MoominMama's picture

I had to tell SS not to get up before 9 after the summer vacation started. I must have at least half an hour. The horrible toad can't possibly go without food though so he gets up eats then has the cheek to put his lazy assed self back to bed!

He was getting up at 8 to do that so I banned him until 9. Most teenagers are in bed until midday and they don't need a breakfast break. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Show her how the alarm app works on her phone.  If she wants to do someting nice then she needs to put forth ALL the effort it takes, not just do it half ass.  Think of this as a life lesson in giving.  Explain everything she HAS to do to pull off the good feelings she wants to give everyone, including you.   Once she hears them all, she will sleep in.  

sybarite's picture

Want me to show you how to use an alarm clock?

As to why she wants to be up early, smile nod, medium chill, disengage, walk away.

Don't worry about what hasn't happened yet eg a mess for you to clean up when you wake up in the morning.

If that does happen, get in the car and treat yourself to brunch out so BP cleans up.

Pickles45's picture

I would not wake her and when she got up say "Oops I forgot to wake you!". I live for the few moments in the am before skid wakes up. My SO and I tip toe around trying not to wake her so we can enjoy our coffee time alone becuase once shes awake shes attached to his hip for the rest of the day.

CantComplain's picture

I am probably missing a lot of background on this, but it doesn't sound too horrible. It will definitely be a mess for you, but if you can tolerate some of the work you'll have to do, you can maybe use it as a teaching moment for something else? For example, teach her to clean as she goes while cooking and let her burn some of the pancakes while you do the dishes? Or teach her to do the dishes while you offer to flip the pancakes? One lesson at a time, you know?

Like I said, I must be missing a lot of background. Your situation must be pretty tense if this results in so much anxiety. I'm sorry it's gotten so bad for you. If I had any extra patience I would share Smile

stepmominhiding's picture

Lol

#1 reason, my alone time in the morning is sacred

#2 sd is hostile towards everyone in the house

#3 sd truly acts as though she is in charge of everything

#4 she's whiney and infantile.

#5 this is her way of saying "you have to eat what i want you to eat"

Nope, this does not sound fun to me

Curious Georgetta's picture

 but it sounds like a normal age appropriate request.

Try not to impugn negative motivations and view this as the type of things most young girls want to do at various times. Of course the food want be great but she is likely to make an age consistent effort.

This could actually be a bondimy effort of you approach it with an open mind.

stepmominhiding's picture

That's how she always disguises things, and everyone else looks like the bad guy when things go south.  "Well i was trying to be nice, but it never goes right,  wah wah wah" 

Well maybe sd, because you yell at everyone that they aren't doing things right, but then when you find out yoi were wrong, they are picking on you. Maybe sd it's because when you dup things like this it turns out to be you ordering people around with a very busy tone. Maybe sd its because you just are not a very nice person, but try to pretend you are but aren't very good at pretending. 

 

She told dd that for her birthday that she was going to make her red velvet cake. Dd doesn't like red velvet,  she HATES red velvet. In fact when i make sd red velvet cake for her birthday,  dd never eats it. Sd knows this.  Dd told her, no thanks.  Sd turns this around and tells dh that dd told her if she makes anything for her birthday that she won't eat it. I was there for the conversation and i corrected sd, but still.  Sd goes around saying these things to everyone.

Even if cooking breakfast with her is a way to bond,  I'd rather not.  She can do those things with her father.  She can cry to everyone how mean and bossy he is.